Hot Damme! Look what 53-year-old Jean-Claude Van Damme can do! That is Jean-Claude in the pic above with his legs spread out between two semi-trailer trucks. Performing this “epic split” is a trick Jean-Claude often does in his movies, but generally he does it at ground level. The stunt takes on a much more impressive perspective when performed between the side mirrors of two semis.
Van Damme’s movies are generally not much more than martial arts flicks, which is fine if you like fight films. But Jean-Claude cleverly garners some impressive publicity with this stunt, making me wonder if I should reconsider checking out Mr “Muscles from Brussels” next flick.
Also impressive in the video is the ability of the semi drivers to maintain the necessary distance between the two trucks while driving backward in the stunt. Anyone who has ever driven a truck knows that driving any truck backward like this is no small feat, let alone doing it with an 18 wheeler.
If I were in the market to buy a semi, Volvo would certainly be tops on my list after seeing this stunt, which is undoubtedly just what Volvo wanted when they set up the video.
We have been remiss in posting drunk stories and videos lately, so we are offering a couple of drunk humor videos and a totally new drunk joke. BTW you will really like the drunk joke because it is classic Irish comedy featuring the adventures of Michael Murphy himself.
The first video was taken somewhere in either Russia or one of the former Soviet republics, judging from the language spoken. As you know Russians often excel at inebriation so it is only fitting that we acknowledge their drunken prowess with a video in Mother Russia's honor.
As you see from the photo above our hero is at the beach and is simply attempting to get dressed. His problem lies in mistaking his pants for his shirt, which results in a dramatic challenge for our new friend, Yuri.
Let's see how Yuri handles himself:
Well, so much for how well Yuri handles his vodka. All he needed to remember was one leg at a time. Poor Yuri!
I don't know about you, but I found all of that giggling in the background a bit annoying. That is the problem with YouTube vids, sometimes you have to take what you get.
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At least we are not forced to endure endless giggling in our second drunken video. The background in this vid is a song called "Yakkety Sax" and is something we commonly heard on the Benny Hill TV series. Thankfully, the "Yakkety Sax" fits the mood of our video perfectly.
In this video we find ourselves among three intoxicated revelers, two of whom feel a need to mount a statue of a horse. Their inebriated state has clearly diminished their excellence at a vertical jump, but has in no way dampened their enthusiasm.
Let's join our trio during their visit with Mr. Ed:
Mr. Ed was well ahead of our tipsy triumvirate until they broke his legs, which is foul play in anybody's language. Naturally, our liquored up friends quickly skulked away into the night rather than face responsibility for their dastardly deed. What will Wilbur say?
You know what happens to horses with more than one broken leg. We're afraid it is off to the glue factory for poor ole Mr. Ed. That's no way to treat a talking horse now is it?
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We promised you a new drunk story, but let us warn you this one is just slightly on the blue side, but only marginally so.
Having warned the faint of heart among us let us re-introduce you to our good Irish friend Michael Murphy who is as boozed up a lad as you'll find either side of the Atlantic. If Michael is not three sheets to the wind by the Noon hour then it must be election day, because why else would the drinking establishments of Dublin be closed?
We join Michael as he arrives for his appointment with Dr. Kevin O'Phelan for his annual checkup. Michael has been worrying about his health lately because he has not been feeling his best, so he is concerned that he may finally be paying the price for his incessant drinking.
Dr. Kevin has required that Michael strip down to his bvd's, and Michael has dutifully complied. As Dr. Kevin begins going about his business with Michael, he suddenly looks up at the lad and says in an authoritative tone, "Michael, I am afraid you are going to have to stop masturbating."
"Oh my Lord, God!" exclaims a shocked Michael. "Why?"
"Because I'm trying to examine you," replies Dr. Kevin.
Yasmine Villasana, an allegedly drunk driver at the Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas, airport, drove her car so fast toward a toll booth that she launched her vehicle over the toll booth when she accidentally hit a ramp in front of the booth. Her 2006 Chev Impala is highlighted in yellow in the above photo.
The accident, which was caught on video, caused her car to fly over another vehicle and burst into flames upon landing. The police report states that, amazingly enough, Yasmine only had a broken wrist, and no one else was injured.
Yasmine's Chev Impala suffered a fatal blow and had to be retired to an auto graveyard. Yasmine's mug shot is to the right.
It is said that the driver was slightly ticked off when the control tower refused to clear her for take off, so she decided to take matters into her own hands. Of course, that is only speculation, but airport authorities did confirm that Yasmine had filed no flight plan.
Any seasoned pilot will tell you that you will never be cleared for take off until you file a flight plan.
Ms. Villasana told police that her vehicle had been rear ended by another vehicle "which caused her vehicle to strike the Toll Booth Protector Barricade, launch into the air, land on the roadway and catch on fire." Ms. Villasana also tried to re-enter her vehicle even though it was still on fire.
For whatever reason the police doubted her story, administered a breathalyzer test and subsequently arrested Ms. Villasana for driving while intoxicated.
An eccentric redneck truck driver proved how much he hates pedestrians when he deliberately destroyed a pedestrian bridge over a highway. A few pedestrians were crossing the bridge at the time of the violent "accident," but none was killed, thankfully.
While Billy Bob "Bubba" Montana was motoring his rig through Istanbul, Turkey, he noticed a pedestrian bridge in the distant horizon. Now ol' Bubba hates pedestrian bridges almost as much as he hates pedestrians, but he would obviously go to jail for running down people. The sanctions against bridge killers are not as high.
Git a load of ol' Bubba in action:
Okay, I admit I fibbed a bit. That redneck was not really ol' Bubba Montana at all. It was his Turkish cousin, Ali Carimbeigh, who is also a redneck truck driver who hates pedestrian bridges. Ali took out that bridge like it was made of spaghetti. That sucker really went down in a hurry did it not?
They are simply going to have to make bridges a bit tougher with drivers like ol" Bubba and ol' Ali around or else they will have ti take away their trucking licenses, but I would hate to be the cop enforcing that issue. Ugh!
If you ever thought that guns went well with young girls in bikinis, you were simply wrong dude, regardless of what some gun magazines want you to believe. We have posted proof of our assertion that, while bimbos and bikinis may seem a natural combination, mixing guns with bikinis is as unnatural as it comes.
In fact, such a union might just turn out lethal.
Please bear that in mind while watching our first video:
Those last two girls in the vid were just plain dangerous. The one sitting on the bicycle handlebars just missed shooting off her feet by only inches. When this lady is armed, she is truly a lethal weapon. Lethal to whom is the question.
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We do not want you to think of us as male chauvinist pigs, so that is why we included the second video about girls, bikinis and guns. Unlike the women of our first video, these young bikini-clad women of our second video prove they know their way around a weapon.
Take Sidney, for example, the young blonde woman in the red, white and blue bikini firing the Tech 9:
Sidney is proof we are not sexist because this girl knows how to handle a Tech 9, a small, lightweight automatic handgun weighing only 4.5 pounds. The Tech 9 fires 9mm ammunition and is popular because of its small size and light weight.
The Tech 9 is available as a semi-automatic or fully-automatic weapon, although fully automatic guns are illegal in the US.
Sidney is also popular because of her small size and light weight. Not only that, it is our guess that she could handle her own in a fire fight, but we do not know if Sidney qualifies as semi or fully automatic. The fact that she wears a bikini is totally irrelevant and beside the point.
Gloria models the AK47, which is the weapon of choice for most of the world's terrorists. The AK47 is cheap and remarkable strong and virtually indestructible.
The AK47 fires 7.26mm ammunition and weighs in at just under 9.5 pounds. Many a US soldier who has seen combat will recognize the distinctive sound of the AK47.
We know you want to know if Gloria is cheap, strong and indestructible too, but we are not going there. Sometimes saying less is better than saying more. We are unsure whether Gloria's sound is distinctive or not.
We could continue all day inflicting innuendo upon innuendo about the other young models in our videos, but we know that watching is much more fun than merely reading about it.
Barely on the market for merely days, Apple's ipads are creating unexpected phenomenons with house cats of all things. Because the ipads can go just about anywhere, your favorite kitty cat can get very up close and personal.
Depending upon the application running on the ipad some ol' puddy tats are expressing some fun reactions. Here is a video that went viral in two days with 1.5 million views already. Check it out:
Here is a thought. What if some clever programmer came up with an ipad app just to entertain cats? Sell a million or so apps at $1-$2 per, and your retirement program is fully funded.
On another subject, a close friend of mine, who had four blogs that were all hosted by Blogger/Google, recently found all four blogs deleted by Google for no apparent reason. One day the blogs were there and the next day they were not.
When he tried to contact Google about the deletion, he was directed to a static web page that stated that the fine print in Blogger/Google's Term of Use (TOU) states that Google may delete your blog at any time for any reason.
That was the only explanation he received, and Google would not answer his email requesting more information. To my knowledge his blogs were not in violation of any of Google's TOU.
They were just gone and he was totally stonewalled by Google about the reason. Obviously, Google does not seem to care much about public relations.
That is the reason I have not been posting lately. It takes a great deal of effort to set up your blog, fine tune it to look the way you want and to post your posts. When a giant corporation like Google says they can take it all away from with one click of the delete button, you sort of lose interest in posting.
If you have any blogs, be sure you back them up frequently. In addition to back ups on my hard drive, I also have posted a copy of all my blogs at McCafferty Himself.
Marnie, a normally tame and docile pelican at Sydney's Taronga Zoo, decided she did not like Steve Jacobs, the Channel Nine Today Show Weatherman from down under, and decided to display her opinion while on the air.
Here is the result:
"Not the first time he's been pinched in the butt by a bird," adlibbed Today Show host Karl Stefanovic. That's a good one, Karl.
I sense slightly that this one may have been set up. Who has a camera in just the right position at the car wash? Not I. Although with all of the camera cell phones out there, it is possible.
In any event the hijinks from it all are quite funny. I do know that at some of those car washes you cannot shut off the hose no matter what. I think I would have gone to where the hose hangs from the ceiling and started trying to tame the beast from that angle.
Let's have a look:
Well, setup or not I found that one to be fun. Not sure why the one dude spent so much time on the ground. Was he hurt or just hiding from the hose? I dunno. Do you?
I think that these guys should stay away from the do it yourself car washes. They are more the full service types I believe.
It must be a redneck behind the controls of the wrecking ball in our first video because who else would be so careless that he would allow a wrecking ball to swing out into the street right into the afternoon traffic? A hapless SUV driver becomes the recipient of bad tidings from an enormous ball and chain.
Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It is said that this driver did manage to survive the speedy onrush of the massive glob of iron and steel, although I cannot imagine how.
Have a look for yourself:
It is still hard to understand how anyone survived that hit. More power to the driver.
**
Although there is only a little humor in our second video, it is still on our must watch list. Mother Nature dealt 27-year-old Nick Vujicic an incredibly tough hand in the card game of life, but what impresses everyone who sees this video is how Nick handles his misfortune.
Every few years someone sets a new world record for collapsing Dominoes, and it is always a fun video to watch as the small little squares tumble in succession. But now Dominoes come in colors which makes for an even better video to watch.
4,345,027 dominoes fell last Friday night in The Netherlands during a two-hour TV show. Since the Dominoes appear to now come in just about every color in the rainbow, the Dutch crew setting them up can really let their imagination run wild when designing how they will look and fall.
These folks seem to have gone all out with their designing. Some of the designs are just incredible.
Some of the best videos are the ones in which a prank is played on some unsuspecting innocent bystander. Here we have a fellow dressed up in a suit of armor. Of course, the tourists think it is an empty suit of armor. Watch the fun that naturally follows:
I think that half of the fun on that vid is the deep voice of the announcer laughing at the antics.
** Lemonade Stand
Remember when you were a kid and you tried to sell lemonade on the street corner. Bet you didn't make too much money, did you?
The next video is a prank in which a few young boys with a lemonade stand fool their customers into thinking that the lemonade is really something other than lemonade. The customers react predictably when they think they discover that they have been duped. Let's watch:
I think that one blonde woman actually began to cry. I don't know about you, but I really liked that vid. I wish I was that creative when I was a kid.
The Muppet Beaker from The Muppet Show has figuratively taken over a New England high school, where students are constantly repeating the sound "meep" over and over again. Beaker, who is best known for repeating the sound "meep" on the PBS' series, seems to have been informally elected champion of Danvers High School, in Danvers, Massachusets, and the students at Danvers are meeping all over the school grounds and throughout class.
They are meeping so much that Principal Thomas Murray has banned the sound from being uttered on school grounds. He has also sent an automatic phone call to parents informing them of the no meep policy. From now on any student caught meeping will be subject to suspension.
Principal Murray claims that the students refused to abide by his "reasonable request" to refrain from meeping so he was forced to institute more austere measures. Murray claims that the students planned the coordinated meeping on the Facebook web site.
According to WHDH TV in Danvers, Senior Alex Buzzi takes credit for starting the craze. "You see someone in the hall and you go 'Meep' and they go 'Meep' back and nothing, it's harmless," Buzzi said.
Students claim that a freshman biology teacher felt threatened by the word. "They like to anger him and walk by his class and say it so people get suspended for it now," said Brianna Lapointe, a junior.
The following video shows Muppet Beaker singing a Meep song:
The video has already received over 7 million views on YouTube, so do not be surprised if this becomes a national craze with students nationwide meeping everywhere.
Apparently a police high speed hot pursuit does not mean quite the same thing in Romania as it means in most other parts of the world. Such a phrase usually draws visions of flashing squad car lights, loud police sirens wailing their song and near brushes with death as tires squeal around sharp corners.
In Romania, the police move at a different pace than in America. In Romania the police, they...well, they...Perhaps it would be easier just to watch for yourself:
Yes! That certainly was a dangerous high speed hot pursuit. It is truly amazing that the officers are able to keep up such a rapid chase. Did you skin your knee when you tripped officer? That must really hurt!
Yes, officer, is this your gun? It seems you dropped it because you were in such a hurry. Oh, no! Don't worry! I won't tell your captain.
At least the Romanian police can boast that they have very few fatalities due to high speed pursuits.
This is the Fun Theory video in which Volkswagen changed a simple flight of stairs into a flight of stairs made up of a piano keyboard with each step becoming one key on the keyboard.
What was once a mere stairway is now a piano that can be played by stepping on keys. The change was accomplished overnight by a work crew on steps leading to and from the Odenplan subway in Stockholm, Sweden. Applying pressure on each step results in playing a musical note.
Suddenly climbing the stairs is no longer drudgery. Now it is fun.
The folks at Volkswagen postulated that one can change human behavior by making a dreary experience into one that is fun. They clearly succeeded tremendously getting a 66% increase in the use of the stairs as opposed to the escalator.
Watch for yourself:
Julie Andrews accomplished the same thing in the film, The Sound of Music, when she taught the children that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down "in a most delightful way."
Maybe musical stairs will soon be coming to a stairway near you?
The following video is such an Internet hit that it has gone viral almost instantly, and it is no wonder because it qualifies as some of the best drunk humor available.
This incident occurred only nine days ago at 10:45 AM no less on a Tuesday morning. Our inebriated hero has set forth upon a Lordly quest to sate his quench of thirst. In other words, he is on a beer run.
Such a valiant effort in search of liquid sustenance is restrained by his obvious inability to resist the law of gravity. As you will see in the video, our hero continually succumbs to Sir Isaac Newton's law regardless of his endeavors to thwart it.
As in most such thirst motivated missions, the humor is in the journey itself, rather than our hero's ultimate destination.
Let's watch:
The scary part is that all of the other drunks at the party chose this guy as the one sober enough to go on a beer run. Since we all know that the Internet is forever, just wait until our hero applies for a new job and his prospective employer shows him this video. He will not be a happy camper.
A friend of mine alerted me to this story on YouTube, and since he does not have a blog I decided to blog it for him. Imagine you are vacationing at a quiet little Caribbean getaway, lazing along side the pool with nary a care in the world.
Your waitress arrives toting a pina colada, a long island iced tea, or some similar vacation style cocktail featuring those tiny umbrellas with an excessively ample measure of booze.
Suddenly, a small alcoholic vervet monkey appears out of nowhere, and, after absconding with your drink, he disappears even faster than he appeared.
Sound far fetched? Watch and learn:
It seems that alcoholic monkeys are worse than their human counterparts.
Aah! The answering machine and voice mail greetings! How did we ever get along before they were invented? Phones used to just ring, ring and ring some more, and no one would answer them, not even a machine. It is so hard to imagine, isn't it, yet it wasn't that long ago?
We have compiled right here for your viewing pleasure a few of the top voice mail-answering machine greetings ever recorded. Some of the very best greetings have been placed right here on our modest blog.
Our first vid is from down under in Queensland, Australia, and the poster claims that it is the real deal--an actual message used on an answering machine at the Maroochydore High School no less.
The fine clientele here at McCafferty's Pub are a bit skeptical of that claim, but let's have a listen anyway:
If that is an actual greeting at Maroochydore High School, there is nothing like deliberately alienating the students' parents is there?
** Ever visit a psychiatrist? Me neither, but some folks do.
Here is a greeting that one shrink might leave on his voice mail:
Don't ask me why, but somehow it seems that greeting would prove comforting for one who is hurting psychologically. **
Stephfon Bennett of Columbus, Ohio, must be one hopelessly romantic son of a gun. Either that or he is so full of himself that he assumes women can not resist his charms.
The question is do his charms consist of a boyish grin and a sparkling wit, or instead do they comprise just the business end of a Saturday night special?
You see, it seems that 20-year-old Stephfon and two accomplices allegedly robbed Diana Martinez and her friend late last Sunday night on the North side of Columbus and they did point a gun at Diana's head in the process.
But that is the ordinary part of our tale, if you can call having a pistol pointed at your head ordinary. The extraordinary part is that two hours after the robbery, Stephfon returned to the scene of the crime and asked Diana out on a date.
Quick thinker that Diana is, she asked her cousin to call the police while she talked to Stephon, stalling him until police arrived. And arrive they did, arresting Stephfon right in front of the house on charges of aggravated robbery.
"We are not exactly sure what he was thinking at the time," said Columbus police Sgt. Sean Laird. "It's never happened, in my eight years and some months. I've never had anything like this before."
Stephfon's yearning for love has landed him a home in the Franklin County jail in lieu of $92,000 bail, and maybe he will also receive a mention in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's most naive robber.
Did he believe that he looked rather dashing and impressive as he held his pistola to Diana's temple, so much so that he assumed that he stole her heart in that one fleeting moment? Why else would he have returned to the scene of the crime to parlay his freedom for one solitary chance at love?
The following video is a TV news report on the incident:
Stephfon must be one optimistic Romeo, or is he so hubristic that he cannot imagine any woman turning down an offer of love with the Stephfon Bennett?
Is it possible he had recently watched the movie Bonnie and Clyde, and did he picture Diana as Bonnie Parker and himself as Clyde Barrow? Did he believe she would drop her life to run off and live with him as 21st century desperadoes on the lam?
And what do his accomplices in crime think as they, in total shock, watch the details of Stephon's folly on TV? Are they bright enough to realize that Stephfon is right now making a deal for a shorter prison sentence in exchange for providing their names and location to the police?
Aah! The folly of young love never ceases to amaze.
Drunk humor can be some of the best humor, with this vid being no exception. Many of you may feel that mechanical bulls are old news, and you would be right for the most part.
However, this video is one of the exceptions. In this vid we have a young lady who appears sober enough, but looks can be deceiving. I can tell you that I have watched it several times, and I continue to laugh out loud each time I view it.
In my mind, that is the sign of a truly funny video. Have a look:
Resident Rednecks of Turtle Lake, Wisconsin, recently sported their own version of cash for clunkers when they decided to forgo collecting any government cash for their old clunker of a vehicle as they might by participating in the federal government's cash for clunkers program.
Instead they started their own affair in which they crash their clunkers. No they do not receive $4,500 from the federal government, but, as you may surmise from the photo above, the Crash Your Clunker event was a whole lot more fun than any government subsidy or rebate.
What our Turtle Lake rednecks did was set up a weekend happening down in a gravel pit in Turtle Lake in which the clunkers were launched up a gravel ramp and sent hurtling into oblivion on the flip side of the ramp.
"It's a little redneck, but we love it, we accept it, we admit and we enjoy it," said Brett Moravitz, who is a self-proclaimed redneck.
Approximately 300 participants and onlookers gathered one recent Saturday afternoon at Moravitz Excavating to watch the clunkers hurtle down a runway, launch into the air and finally crash into a gravel pit.
It certainly is nowhere near as classy as NASCAR, and it demolishes the clunkers much more than a demolition derby. The Crash your Clunker event is the brainchild of Bob Moravitz.
"You don't get to do this kind-of stuff very often," said Bob. "I mean, destruction of a car that really isn't worth nothing anyway. So let's just wreck it."
Bob's son Rick and his pal Jake fitted the cars with remote-controlled devices so they could control the gas pedal and the steering. Since they didn't install any remote control on the brakes, they dug trenches along the sides of the runway to prevent the cars from veering too far off course.
Upon releasing the brake, the clunkers would speed down the runway with Rick and Jake following close behind on a four-wheeler. At the same time they controlled the speed and direction of the vehicle right up to when it launched itself off the ramp.
In addition to launching cars, they also launched a camper towing a boat and a pickup pulling a round baler. But the piece de resistance was the launching of two school buses.
It seems that the Crash Your Clunker event promises to become an annual redneck phenomenon each summer in Turtle Lake that may just grow a little each succeeding year.
We are sorry, but the video is no longer available. The sponsor bailed on us. Don't you just hate when they do that?
McCafferty's Pub - a collection of video humor, jokes, funny stories, photos and anecdotes. Special sections are devoted to redneck humor, celebrity humor, grandchildren humor, humorous videos, barroom humor, clean men's room humor and a lot more. If nothing else, you will leave us a bit refreshed.
The good Lord created only two kinds of people in the world: those who are Irish and those who wish they were.
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