Redneck Playground or Your Kid is Elephant Poopy

Safety is of paramount importance when designing anything children will use. There can be no parts that will pinch tiny fingers; in no way can any of the equipment or parts of the equipment tip over; and harmful substances such as lead paint or or any parts small enough to swallow simply are not allowed.

But our redneck playground designer must have skipped school the day his professor discussed appropriateness of theme, because something is wrong when your kids return home from the playground crying and telling you the other kids teased them and called them elephant poopy.

"Peter, Peter is elephant poopy. Emily smells like elephant poop. Nah-nah nah nah-nah!"

I don't know about you but hearing that my kids are being compared to elephant poop worries me that it may create an identity crisis in the four-year-old mind. That sort of nick name may tend to linger longer than one might like not unlike the odor of pachyderm poop.

"...I don't smell like elephant poopy, do I Daddy?"

One must reassure four-year-olds about enough other things in life without having to add elephant poopy to the list.

"Peter, the sky is blue because God painted it that color when he had left over paint from painting his living room. And no you do not smell like elephant poopy. Your mom makes you take lots of baths so you will only smell like a clean little boy."

Perhaps an elephant slide such as this one is not an issue in the Redneck mind because four-year-old Redneck little boys normally do smell like elephant poopy.

Worst job ever
Alcoholic Elephants on the Rampage
Big Girl in the Shower
Second Worst Job Ever

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Foto Funnies

There is nothing like a funny photo or two to cheer you up, and these pics certainly qualify:

Roller Coaster Fear


Talk about a picture that says a thousand words! This poor little girl looks absolutely petrified. What do you want to bet she has nightmares over this ride?

Poor young thing! Don't you know you are supposed to enjoy riding the roller coaster? This is a funny photo though.

But...where do you think the photographer was standing? Cannot figure that one out. He cannot be standing in the car in front because these two must be in the first car. Since there is no seat back in front of them, and the car design is diferent, they have to be in car number one.

Maybe the photog is using a telephoto lens.

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Thing a Thong?

Now see what George Bush has done? The Europeans are so down on the US that they think the whole country is overweight.



Okay Europe! Listen up! How about Charlize Theron? Yay Charlize! She is thin and trim...she's...oh wait a minute. She's from South Africa isn't she? Okay then, what about Nicole Kidman? Nicole is...oops! She is from Australia, is she not? Hmmm...Aha! Halle Berry! Halle is drop dead gorgeous and not a bit overweight even though she just had a baby. We will take Halle Berry over Princess Camilla any day of the week.

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Worst Job II

We recently featured a photo that showed the worst job ever, but this job is not far behind. Pay attention to this America. The economy is going downhill in a hurry, so this is your future employment right here. You may as well get used to it.

It doesn't even look like she is wearing gloves...eeww!

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It's a Wonderful Wife!



Ain't love grand? Here we find Helga helping out Ole get the tractor into town to get its wheel fixed.

You can just tell from their satisfied look that this couple has figured out how to make their marriage hum. There is hope for the world yet.

Hey Europe! We do not think Carla Bruni would be much help in this situation, now would she? Nooo...you must be a heavy eater to make this situation work. Lots and lots of meat and potatoes make this marital union run just like clockwork.

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Redneck Fire-Breathing Dragon



Worst Job Ever



Redneck High School Reunion



Redneck Penguins

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Worst Job Ever

This absolutely, positively has to be the worst job ever, bar none. You could not pay me enough to do this for a living. Sorry all you veterinarians, but this is where I draw the line.

Can't you see the circus manager saying, "Hey, Johnny! Call the vet! Big Bertha's compacted again. Can't get that girl to eat enough roughage, no matter what I do."

What does this vet say to people when he is first introduced to them? "How do you do? I'm John Smith....What type of work do I do? I'm an elephant veterinarian. I specialize in compacted elephants. Have enema will travel is my motto."

The second worst job in the world is the guy holding Bertha's tail.

His big mistake is he is not dressed for the job. What happens when the enema takes effect and Bertha let's her rip. The guy holding the tail is in the direct line of fire, and he is not protected with plastic like the vet is.

I am so much more appreciative of having a desk job now than ever before. I understand the dedication of animal lovers, but, this has to take the cake.

Notice how the guy holding the tail intently peers at what the vet is doing. He probably aspires to be a vet some day himself. If this does not turn him off from the vet business, nothing will.

I guess there is nothing like on the job training.

More Elephant Humor
More Funny Photos
More Animal Humor
Curiosity Didn't Kill This Cat
Rocky, the Drunken Squirrel

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Funniest Photos of 2007

Here are links to some of my favorite photos from 2007. Most are funny photos, but a couple simply struck me as unique:

Redneck Penguins - People are not alone in embracing the redneck lifestyle. These two penguins rank right up there with their human counterparts. It may not seem like this is a photo, but it is animation, which is a series of images or photos, and that is why it is included here.

Dog Earred Monkey Business and Cat Nap - This photo touched people the world over and understandably so. Everyone loves a photo that touches the heart.









Redneck High School Reunion - Aah! The practical joke! The photographer who captured this moment should win an award for a photo that plants in the reader's mind vivid anticipation of a moment coming soon.









Headless Redneck Businessman - How does the saying go? If you can keep your head when all others around you are losing theirs...










Alcoholic Elephants on the Rampage - A rampaging elephant is a sight to behold, but an alcoholic elephant on the rampage is rarer still...until lately. See why.









Creative Redneck Transportation - Here is a motorcycle unlike any other. What would possess your local redneck to manufacture a machine like this?









Funny Photos - These guys do not appear to be very conscientious as firemen go. Hopefully their attitude is a minority one.









Redneck Wireless Telephone Call - When you gotta go you gotta go, but you hate to miss an important phone call at the same time. Here is the solution.










Redneck Mercedes - Leave it to a redneck to degrade a classic vehicle like a Mercedes simply to enable viewing the world sideways.








More Funny Photos

Alcoholic Elephants on the Rampage

This Sri Lankan elephant definitely appears to be ticked, as you can plainly see as he takes out his anger on this mini-bus. Sadly, elephants on the rampage like this are becoming a rather common phenomenon in Asia.

The situation plays something like this: Man encroaches on traditional pachyderm territory, so the elephants move further into the jungle to avoid contact with man. Well, you can hardly blame them for that, now can you?

The problem is that man has been encroaching on an ever increasing basis, and the elephants have fewer and fewer viable areas to retreat to.

But what has been setting the elephants off on rampages like the one in the following video is a combination of dwindling food supplies and plentiful rice beer. Farmers make huge batches of rice beer for personal consumption and for sale. As elephants venture into a village in search of food, they may happen upon a farmer’s rice beer still.

The elephants end up with too much of a good thing after chugging down the home brewed beer. Then, like some homo sapiens, they get mean and ornery once they are drunk. The result is what you see in the photo and the video.



Villagers all over Asia are concerned about the problem and have even tried to bring in outside animal experts to help them address the issue.

One of the experts has been Paris Hilton, who has not hesitated to express her opinion on the matter. To clarify matters for you, Paris knows nothing about elephants, but she does know quite a lot about imbibing to excess and is definitely an expert on that subject.

The media have been anxiously awaiting what remarkable words of wisdom Paris will utter to help all of Asia solve this tricky dilemma. So, Paris, what do we do with these alcoholic elephants?

“We need to stop making alcohol available to them,” said the 26-year-old starlet.

Wow! That is so simple it is profound. Obviously, no one else ever thought of that! Of course, it may take a while to locate a bouncer who is able to eighty six one of these husky fellas from any drinking establishment, let alone a homemade still. But we’ll advertise the position on Craig’s List to find the right job candidates.

From a more practical standpoint, what really needs to happen is to get those beer swigging pachyderms into rehab. Now this is a subject that Paris knows well. The plan would be to recruit Paris, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears to counsel these wayward beasts prevailing upon them to change their decadent ways and rehabilitate themselves into munificent members of jungle society.

Paris, LL and BS must convince the brutes that they owe it to society to become positive influences for social change.

Our three musketeers could set up an academy for wayward elephants in Asia in a manner similar to what Oprah Winfrey has done for gifted young girls in South Africa. This modern day celebrity version of Larry, Moe and Curly could get the elephants on a 12-step program that would revolutionize Asian jungle law.

No more elephant rampages in the night and no more swilling beer till all hours. The problem is almost solved already. And to think we owe all of this progress on the issue to our dear Paris.

When we first saw her Internet porn video way back when, we just knew that girl was meant for greatness.

More animal humor
More animal Videos
More Elephant humor

Big Girl in the Shower

Think that animals do not know how to think or to enjoy life's simple pleasures? Think Again!

This big girl is one happy elephant, and who can blame her?

Do you wonder what is running through her mind? Let's listen in:

Aahh! Just turn on the shower massage, lean back and...yeah baby! Does that feel great or what?

You don't have to worry about punching the clock or beating the rush hour traffic. You don't even need to consider the water bill. Just let it flow.

I'll bet that human beings don't ever get it this good. I will take this over satellite TV any time.

You know, I think that one bull elephant at the gym yesterday had his eye on me. He was one buff bull. What a pair of pecs he had. That dude has to do a lot of bench presses to stay in that kind of shape.

And Girl? What was up with Brittany at work this morning? That girl has one major attitude problem.

If things are not done her way, then, as far as she's concerned, they are not worth doing.

Well, don't you dare call me racist, but that is what happens when you work with a pink elephant. That woman is just impossible to work with. Now if she were a gray like the rest of us, there would be no issues.

Try to tell management that. They insist that pink elephants are the same as everyone else. That will be the day--when pinks are the same as grays.

Some managers will never learn! Mixing pinks and grays is asking for trouble. Pinks just do not have the capacity for complex thought like grays do.

Pinks are only good for manual labor. They just were not meant to handle thinking about anything other than eating or sleeping.

Give a pink a broom and a warm bed, and she will purr like a kitten. But give her options, and she will be nothing but trouble.

Next thing you know, pink elephants will want to be able to vote. Then they will get as uppity as human beings.

Human beings: Now there was a mistake in God's master plan.