Drunk Videos and New Drunk Joke

We have been remiss in posting drunk stories and videos lately, so we are offering a couple of drunk humor videos and a totally new drunk joke. BTW you will really like the drunk joke because it is classic Irish comedy featuring the adventures of Michael Murphy himself.

The first video was taken somewhere in either Russia or one of the former Soviet republics, judging from the language spoken. As you know Russians often excel at inebriation so it is only fitting that we acknowledge their drunken prowess with a video in Mother Russia's honor.

As you see from the photo above our hero is at the beach and is simply attempting to get dressed. His problem lies in mistaking his pants for his shirt, which results in a dramatic challenge for our new friend, Yuri.

Let's see how Yuri handles himself:

Well, so much for how well Yuri handles his vodka. All he needed to remember was one leg at a time. Poor Yuri!

I don't know about you, but I found all of that giggling in the background a bit annoying. That is the problem with YouTube vids, sometimes you have to take what you get.

**********

At least we are not forced to endure endless giggling in our second drunken video. The background in this vid is a song called "Yakkety Sax" and is something we commonly heard on the Benny Hill TV series. Thankfully, the "Yakkety Sax" fits the mood of our video perfectly.

In this video we find ourselves among three intoxicated revelers, two of whom feel a need to mount a statue of a horse. Their inebriated state has clearly diminished their excellence at a vertical jump, but has in no way dampened their enthusiasm.

Let's join our trio during their visit with Mr. Ed:

Mr. Ed was well ahead of our tipsy triumvirate until they broke his legs, which is foul play in anybody's language. Naturally, our liquored up friends quickly skulked away into the night rather than face responsibility for their dastardly deed. What will Wilbur say?

You know what happens to horses with more than one broken leg. We're afraid it is off to the glue factory for poor ole Mr. Ed. That's no way to treat a talking horse now is it?

**********

We promised you a new drunk story, but let us warn you this one is just slightly on the blue side, but only marginally so.

Having warned the faint of heart among us let us re-introduce you to our good Irish friend Michael Murphy who is as boozed up a lad as you'll find either side of the Atlantic. If Michael is not three sheets to the wind by the Noon hour then it must be election day, because why else would the drinking establishments of Dublin be closed?

We join Michael as he arrives for his appointment with Dr. Kevin O'Phelan for his annual checkup. Michael has been worrying about his health lately because he has not been feeling his best, so he is concerned that he may finally be paying the price for his incessant drinking.

Dr. Kevin has required that Michael strip down to his bvd's, and Michael has dutifully complied. As Dr. Kevin begins going about his business with Michael, he suddenly looks up at the lad and says in an authoritative tone, "Michael, I am afraid you are going to have to stop masturbating."

"Oh my Lord, God!" exclaims a shocked Michael. "Why?"

"Because I'm trying to examine you," replies Dr. Kevin.

**********

• Drunkest Drunk Ever Goes On Beer Run - Viral Video
• Alcoholic Monkeys in the Caribbean - Video
• Drunk Driver Launches Her Car Over Toll Booth - Caught on Video
• Rocky, the Drunken Squirrel
• Alcoholic Elephants on the Rampage

A Phew Phunny Photos You'll Like

It's Phunny Photo time, and with themes ranging from horse sense to conspiracy theories, I believe that today we have a phew gems you will like.

Hey boss! Did you try testing the alternator?

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This next sign is a re-creation of a sign that was posted in a construction zone in Lubbock, Texas. It seems that some techie managed to hack into the computer for the sign and added his own version of what should be posted there.

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Do you know one of those conspiracy theorists who constantly thinks that everyone is plotting to take over the world? Maybe they are.

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It is sometimes amazing how some businesses survive considering their level of customer service.

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That's a lot of Budweiser!

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Have you ever spent time wandering through a cemetery? You might be surprised at the eye opening sights you will see.

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Getting a proper education is not necessary to make it in this world, but it may save you from an embarrassing moment or two. BTW, remind me to call the missus to ask her to pick up "are" kids from school.

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Either Elmer Fudd or Barbara Walters must live in this neighborhood.

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If their customers are just plain mean, they should charge them a lot more than $10. How about $110?

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Redneck Fire-Breathing Dragon



Worst Job Ever



Redneck High School Reunion



Redneck Penguins

My Three Favorite Dumb Blonde Videos

These are three of my very favorite blonde videos. We have posted the first one before, but it is special enough to warrant posting again. A beautiful, young blonde is anxious to make her mark in show business. In her own words, she "was born to do this."

But enough talk because a video is worth more than a thousand words. Give a look:



Now, wasn't that special?

*****

Johnny Carson was king of the late night talk shows for about 30 years. Many tried to dethrone him including Joey Bishop, Dick Cavett, Merv Griffin, and quite a few others.

But he reigned supreme, and one of the reasons was beautiful Carol Wayne, who was on his show 101 times. The following video is Carol's last appearance on The Tonight Show because she passed away suddenly not long after this interview. Carol fit the dumb blonde stereotype perfectly, and, of course, Johnny knew exactly how to play it for the funniest effect.

*****

Well, we have saved the best for last. This video is from the Newlywed Game TV series which began its long run in 1966. The blonde in the video is a classic. She is the piece de resistance when it comes to dumb blondes.

Despite her lack of intellect, she is very cute and surprisingly appealing. If there was a hall of fame for dumb blonde videos, this one would be there right at the top. Enough talk. Watch and smile.

More Blonde Comedy
More Blonde Videos

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Victoria Jackson Dumb Blonde Comedy Routine

Ultimate Blonde Video - The Greatest Breasts in the World

Even More Blonde Jokes and Videos

Blonde jokes can be very funny. Here are a few more:

Elisha, a gorgeous blonde, received a new cell phone from her husband as a birthday gift. She had never owned a cell phone before.

The following day, while she was shopping at Target, her phone rang, and she answered it.

It was her husband, who said, “How do you like the new cell phone?”

Elisha replied, “It’s great, but how did you know I was at Target?”

*****

A beautiful blonde suspected that her boyfriend was cheating on her with her best friend. Because she was so depressed over the situation, she went to a gun store and bought a revolver.

Later that day she went to his apartment with the gun in her purse. Upon arrival she used her key to enter the apartment quietly. Then she sneaked up to his bedroom door.

She quickly threw open the door and saw her boyfriend lying in bed in the arms of her best friend. Unsure what to do next and overcome with grief, she pointed the revolver at the side her head.

Her boyfriend screamed, "Baby, please! Don't do it!"

The blonde yelled back, "Shut up! You're next!"

*****

One day a stunningly beautiful blonde was riding a horse. As they trotted along the blonde decided that she wanted to go faster and get the horse to perform a few tricks.

She began to turn the horse around in a circle. Suddenly, she started to slip and she grabbed the horse’s mane to keep from falling off. However, that did not completely prevent her from falling and she continued to slip.

She felt that the best thing to do was to jam her foot tightly into the stirrup.

Soon she was riding along hanging from the horse by just her foot, with her head banging on the ground.

Frantic with fear, she was almost near death when the K-Mart guy came over and turned off the horse.

Our video shows another cute blonde using a microphone as only a blonde can:



More blonde humor
More video humor
More blonde videos

A Plethora of Irish Drinking Stories, Irish Blessings and Irish Proverbs

Once again we have the pleasure of posting some funny Irish drinking stories, some heart warming Irish blessings and insightful Irish proverbs:

Poor Mrs. Molly McGuire entered the local newspaper establishment to pay for the obituary for her dear departed husband, Peter.

Said the kindly newspaperman the charge was a dollar a word and he remembered Peter and wasn't it too bad about him passing away though.

Molly thanked him for his kind words, but bemoaned the fact that she had but two dollars to her name. So she wrote out the obituary, "Peter died."

The newspaperman said he thought that old Peter deserved a mite more than that, and, yes, he would give her three more words at no extra charge.

Mrs. Molly thanked him for his generosity during her time of need and rewrote the obituary: "Peter died. Boat for sale."

*****

You'll never plow a field by turning it over in your mind.

*****

A constable pulls up two Irish drunks, then says to the first one, "Okay then, Seamus. What's your name and address?"

The first drunk replies, "My name isn’t Seamus. I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address, thank you very much."

The constable turns his attention to the second drunk and asks, "Okay then, Seamus. It’s your turn, What is your name and address?"

The second drunk replies, "My name isn’t Seamus either. I'm Sean O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."

*****

May the love and protection
Saint Patrick can give
Be yours in abundance
As long as you live.

*****

How do you sink an Irish submarine?

Knock on the hatch.

*****

What butter and whiskey will not cure there's no cure for.

*****

A solicitor was questioning his new client, "Well, Mrs. O'Hara, it’s a divorce you want, is it? So tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?"

"Oh, no!" exclaimed the Missus. " We have no grudge. Sure enough now, it’s a carport we have, it is."

So the solicitor tried again. "Well now, does the man beat you up, does he?"

"Oh, land sakes no!" said Mrs. O'Hara, looking somewhat puzzled. "Oi'm always the first one out of bed, I am."

Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial practices?"

"Well now, he does play the flute, he does. But I don't think he knows a thing about the connubial,” answered the Missus.

The solicitor was getting desperate, but he pushed on nonetheless. "What I'm trying to find out, Mrs. O’Hara, is what grounds do you have."

"Bless you, sir. But, we live in a flat, to be sure. There’s not even a window box, let alone grounds, sir."

"Mrs. O'Hara," the solicitor said in a state of considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?"

"Ah, well now," said the lady, "Sure it's because the man cannot hold an intelligent conversation."

*****

A remarkable gift to the world is Irish culture as presented by Celtic Woman. Here is a video of The Last Rose of Summer.



More Irish Drinking Stories, Blessings and Proverbs

Funny Dumb Blonde

Today we have more dumb blonde jokes:

War Strategy

President George W. Bush and Condoleezza Rice are sitting in a bar.

A customer enters the bar and asks the bartender, "Isn't that George Bush and Condi Rice sitting over there?"

The bartender replies, "Yes, sir, it sure is."

So the newcomer walks over to the pair, saying, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you two doing in here?"

Bush answers, "We're planning World War III."

And the customer asks, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush replies, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big breasts."

The customer exclaims, "A blonde with big breasts?" "Why would you kill a blonde with big breasts?"

Bush turns to Rice, saying, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!"

*****

Blonde in First Class

A commercial airplane is en route to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

A flight attendant sees her switch seats, so she politely informs the woman that she must return to economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful. I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

Repeated attempts by the flight attendant prove unsuccessful at convincing the blonde to move. The attendant enters the cockpit to inform the pilot and co-pilot about the situation.

The co-pilot goes to first class to talk to the woman and also explains why she must move. Once again the woman replies, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful. I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After returning to the cockpit the co-pilot suggests that they should have the police arrest the woman when they land.

The pilot replies, "Wait a minute! You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde, so I speak blonde fluently."

The pilot leaves the cockpit going back to the blonde illegally sitting in first class and whispers quietly into her ear.

She says, "Oh, no! I'm sorry." Then she quickly and quietly returns to her seat in the economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask the pilot what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

The pilot replies, "I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."

*****

One Blonde To Another

A blonde was having major financial difficulties, so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.

She went to a local park and grabbed a small boy taking him behind a tree. Then she wrote the following note: "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money.”

“Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the old oak tree in the park at 7 AM sharp." It was signed, "The Blonde."

The blonde pinned the note inside the lad’s jacket and then told him to go straight home.

The very next morning, the blonde returned to the park at exactly 7:01 AM. She found the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the old oak tree, exactly as she had instructed.

Inside the bag she found the following note: "Here is your money, but I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

*****

And, of course, we couldn't quit without a blonde video:



More Blonde Humor
More Video Humor

A Few Blonde Jokes and a Blonde Video

Here are a few blonde jokes to brighten your day and a blonde video too.

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to change her hair color to brunette. Once she had brown hair, she decided to take a relaxing drive in the country.

After driving through a rural area for a while, she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are just adorable!"

The blonde pulled over to the side of the road, got out of her car and walked over to the farmer asking him, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer was a bit of a gambler, so he agreed to go along with the bet.

The blonde looked at the flock for a few moments then guessed, “157.”

“Wow!” said the amazed farmer. She was right, hitting the exact number right on the head!

So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette, remember), picked one out, put it into the back seat of her car and prepared to leave.

But before she could go, the farmer walked up to her car and asked, “If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

*****

Okay, she wasn't too smart, but at least she was cute.

*****

A gorgeous blonde was at a pizza shop picking up her pizza order when the clerk asked if she wanted it cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six, please,” she replied. “I could never eat twelve."

*****

A blonde walked into the library, stormed up to the front desk and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the startled librarian peering up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was just horrible!"

The puzzled librarian asked "Well, what was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and absolutely no plot whatsoever!" stated the blonde.

“Ahh!” Nodded the librarian. “You must be the person who took our phone book."

More Blonde Humor

Three of My Favorite Jokes

The Internet is full of jokes, but, unfortunately, many of them are not very funny. At McCafferty's, we try to publish only jokes and stories that we truly find funny. Here are three of my favorite jokes. I laughed out loud when I first heard them, so the chances are very good that you will like them too.

A pedestrian is walking past an insane asylum, and in the distance hears a bunch of the asylum inmates inside screaming at the top of their lungs, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!”

Intrigued, the pedestrian peeks through a hole in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and, suddenly, a finger pops out jabbing him right in the eye.

He screams in pain, and the inmates all start gleefully shouting, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”

*****

A woman gets on a bus carrying her baby in her arms. The bus driver takes one look and says to the woman: “Lady, that is the ugliest baby that I have ever seen.”

Enraged, the woman stomps to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a passenger seated next to her: “That driver just insulted me!”

The passenger says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

*****

This joke is in honor of all of the American soldiers fighting the war on terror:

A large group of Al Qaeda terrorists are traveling down an Iraqi road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune. "One American soldier is better than ten Al Qaeda."

The Al Qaeda commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the dune. Immediately a gun-battle breaks out, continues for a few minutes, and then only silence prevails.

The voice once again calls out this time saying "One American soldier is better than one hundred Al Qaeda."

The Al Qaeda commander angrily sends 100 of his best killers over the dune and again a huge gun fight ensues.

After 10 minutes of battle, again one hears only silence.

The American soldier’s voice calls out this time "One American soldier is better than one thousand Al Qaeda."

By now the Al Qaeda commander is totally enraged, so he musters 1000 fierce fighters and orders them over to the other side of the sand dune. Ak47 fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire all ring out as a terrific battle is fought.

But, eventually, once again there is just silence.

Soon one badly wounded Al Qaeda fighter crawls back over the dune to his commander, gripping the commander’s coat with his blood drenched hand the terrorist tells his commander in his dying words...

“Don't send any more men. It's a trap. There are two of them.”

More Al Qaeda Humor...

Redneck Public Toilet

Here is a common redneck prank that is pulled all of the time--a human head in a public toilet. I know it has happened to you because it certainly has happened to me. Even though you know it is coming, it is still funny every time.

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Try Redneck Graffiti...
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Redneck Hotel Maid

This video is proof positive that maybe you should not always trust all those folks that you take for granted.

For example, does your CPA pass your income tax return around at parties and make jokes about it? Did your doctor send your x-rays into Ripley’s Believe It or Not?

Perhaps your personal trainer makes jokes about you to his other clients.

The moral to this story might be: who else is using your toothbrush?

More Video Humor...
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Un-Redneck Carpenter

This is one highly skilled carpenter, who is much too good to be classified as a redneck. Rednecks can only aspire to be this good at anything. If there were an Olympics category for carpentry, this worker would earn the gold medal.



Below is another tradesman who uses creativity to make up for his lack of hydraulic equipment. It may be a bit of a challenge to change the car's oil in this position, though. My guess is that this mechanic will not let that stop him.

And, don't you just love that sidewalk superintendent?


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A Few More Irish Drinking Stories and Blessings

When in doubt, opt for a few Irish drinking stories because they will cheer you up in no time.

O'Reilly's Missus:

O’Reilly had been out all night drinking at his favorite pub. As that time of night approached the bartender signaled last call saying the bar would soon be closing. So O’Reilly downed his last sip of Guinness and stood up to leave, but he quickly fell flat on his face.

He tried standing one more time, but, again, he met with the same result. He decided that he would crawl outside to get some fresh air thinking that might sober him up.

Once outside he stood up again, but once again he fell to the ground. So he decided he would crawl the 2 blocks to his home. Upon arriving at his front door he tried standing up once more, but he again dropped flat on his face. So, he crawled inside dragging his way into the bedroom.

After reaching his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he did manage to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell straight into bed and was asleep just as his head hit the pillow.

The next morning he awakened to his missus standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again, have you?"

"And what makes you say that?" O’Reilly asked, feigning an innocent look.

"Because the pub called,” his missus replied. “You forgot your wheelchair there again."

****

An Irish Blessing:

May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow
And may trouble avoid you wherever you go.

****

The Irish 007:

During the French Revolution in Paris, back in 1789, three accused spies from across the English Channel are waiting to be guillotined.

"Do you want to be beheaded on your back or on your front?" The executioner asked Smith, an Englishman. "On my back," said Smith. "I'm not afraid of death. I‘ll look him in the eye."

So the executioner tied Smith down on his back underneath the heavy blade. The executioner then reached up for the lever, and gave it a mighty tug. The blade quickly began to slide down the guillotine toward Smith’s waiting neck but just as quickly jammed in the middle of its track.

The captain of the guard approached Smith telling him it was his lucky day. He was reprieved because, under French law, no man can be sentenced to death twice.

White, another Englishman, was called next by the executioner. White also chose to face the blade, lying on his back. Once again the executioner’s sinewy arm reached for the lever, and once again the blade jammed in the middle of its slide.

The captain of the guard told White that he, too, had managed to cheat death for he also was reprieved.

Murphy, an Irishman, was third.

"Back or front?" shouted the executioner.

"If it's good enough for Smith and it’s good enough for White, then it's good enough for me," said Murphy.

And Murphy, too, was laid down on his back beneath the silver blade. "Begorra!" he shouted looking up at the blade. "Just a minute there. I think I see why it jams."

More Irish Humor...

More Drunk Humor...

Redneck Bathroom Break

This one is by Jamie Kennedy, and is absolutely classic. Do not miss this video.



More Video Humor...

Dog Eared Monkey Business and Cat Nap

Talk about strange bedfellows. These two unlikely pals reside in Goangdong Province, China, and have been virtually inseparable since the pigeon pretty much adopted the macaque monkey when he was only 12 weeks old. It seems that the macaque was abandoned by his mum, who preferred to party the night away rather than care for her babies. (Are you paying attention Britney?)

After he was abandoned, the monkey was near death. He was taken to an animal hospital and nursed back to physical health. However, from an emotional standpoint, he had little spirit, was clearly depressed and displayed little love for life.

Then the pigeon took the monkey under its wing, showing him the kind of love and affection that is ordinarily expressed only from a devoted parent to its offspring. The result is the loving relationship that clearly shines through in this photo.

Don’t you just love a happy ending?

Of course, it is rumored that the abandoning mother, who reportedly hates all things that end well, has hired an attorney and is now seeking to regain custody of her baby.

There is a rather familiar ring to this story, isn’t there? I wonder if the pigeon’s name is Kevin?



The dog eared photo needs little explanation. Looks like another tough guy throwing her weight around. That’s right! The tough looking German is a female.

Maybe that will teach you not to stereotype.



Hey! That looks like me on a Sunday afternoon.

More animal humor...
Animal Video Humor...
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Jeff Foxworthy - Redneck Stomp

Jeff Foxworthy is king of the redneck jokes. Nobody else even comes in a close second place. Here is Jeff’s video "Redneck Stomp." It is a classic.



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How to Recruit a Suicide Bomber

Did you ever stop to think how Al Qaeda and other terrorist organizations recruited their suicide bombers? It's not like you can promise them a liberal retirement plan.

Well, we have managed to gather the inside dope and present it for you right here.




More video humor...

Drinking Stories, Proverbs and Blessings of Ireland

Here is a favorite Irish saying:

There are many good reasons for drinking,
One has just entered my head.
If a man doesn't drink when he's living,
How the hell can he drink when he's dead?

And another Irish drinking tale - This one is about wishing for a long life:

Three tipsy Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Michael, had left the pub rather late one night and found themselves on the road leading past the old graveyard.

"Come here and have a look," says Paddy, "‘Tis Thomas Harrington's grave, it ‘tis. And may God rest his soul. The good man lived to the ripe old age of 87. Good blood, those Harringtons!"

"Ah! That's nothing," says Sean. "Here's one ‘twas named Patrick O'Grady. It says that he was 95 when he passed. Now, the O'Gradys! They’re a hardy bunch, they are!"

Just then, Michael shouts, "Forget him, here's one fella that lived to be 145 years old!"

“145! No way!” Yells Paddy.

"And, what was his name?" asks Sean.

Michael stumbles around in the dark a bit and awkwardly lights a match, trying to see what else is written on the stone marker. Finally he exclaims, "Miles..."

"Miles who?" asks Paddy.

"To Dublin!"

Irish Proverb:

The Irish ignore anything they cannot drink or punch.

More Irish Drinking Stories...

Irish Blessings and More Irish Drinking Tales

Here are a couple of Irish drinking stories followed by traditional Irish blessings:

France’s President, Nicolas Sarkozy was working in his office when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!" said a voice in a heavily accented brogue. "This is Paddy down at McCafferty’s Pub in County Cork, Ireland. I am ringing you up to inform you that we are officially declaring war on the French!"

"Well, Paddy," Sarkozy replied, "This is very important news, indeed! Tell me, how large is your army?"

"As of this moment," said Paddy, after a bit of calculation, "there’s meself, me cousin Sean, the pub’s proprietor, one Seamus McCafferty Himself, and the pub’s entire darts team. That makes eight!"

Sarkozy replied, "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to mobilize at a moment‘s notice."

"Oh, faith and begorrah!" said Paddy. "I’m afraid I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the very next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to enlist some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" asked Sarkozy.

"Well, we have a combine, two bulldozers, and O’Hara’s tractor."

Sarkozy amusedly replied, "Let me tell you about my equipment, Paddy. I have 4,000 tanks and over 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Plus, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "150,000! I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang up President Sarkozy once again the next day. "Mr. President, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified young Jack McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Four Shamrocks Bar have joined up as well!"

Sarkozy was silent for a moment, cleared his throat, then said, "Ah! It’s an air war you want. I must tell you, Paddy. I have 150 bombers and 250 fighter jets. Our military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missiles with a state of the art computer monitoring system. And at last count, I have increased my army to more than 200,000 of France‘s finest infantrymen!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" replied Paddy, "Let me ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy dialed up Sarkozy again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I regret to inform you that we had to call the war off."

"No!” said the President. “I am sorry to hear that. Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and decided there is just no friggin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.”

And one about arthritis:

Muldoon stumbled his way out of a saloon smack in the middle of the afternoon and ran right into the arms of Father O‘Malley.

"Inebriated again, you are!" scoffed the priest. "Muldoon, ‘tis a shame on you, it ‘tis! When are you going to straighten out your life, may I ask?"

Muldoon looked directly into the good father‘s eyes and asked, "Father. What causes arthritis?"

"Arthritis! I'll tell you what causes it, I will! Drinking cheap whiskey, gambling away your hard earned wages and carousing around with loose women who have lost their way. That’s what causes it. Now tell me, Muldoon. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't," slurred Muldoon. "Bishop O’Hara has it!"

*****

And Some Irish Blessings:

Don't mourn for me now
Don't mourn for me never
I'm going to do nothing
For ever and ever.

And Another:

May the Good Lord take a liking to you... but not too soon!

More Irish Humor...

Boeing 720 Gives Birth to Cessna 172

News of Note:

Dateline: Washington, D.C. The Washington Post reported today that a Boeing 720 has given birth to a Cessna 172 single prop aircraft. The proud papa is an Airbus 340, and this is the first successful mating in captivity of a Boeing with a French made Airbus according to the Post’s report.

Prior to this the Boeing has been far too shy to mate while in captivity, whereas the French Airbus will mate pretty much anywhere. Said French President Nicolas Sarkozy, “But, of course, it eez a French aircraft. What else would you expect?”

An unidentified source at Boeing was reported to have hinted that the Boeing company has begun to embrace the outlook that breeding new airplanes will prove far more cost effective than manufacturing them. The difficult part of the process will be rearing and training the young Cessna both to develop and behave like a Boeing.

“This process is still in its infancy, if you will pardon the pun,” said the source. “A great deal more study is needed to produce the type of offspring we desire.”

Last month a Russian made IL-78 Tanker gave birth to twins, while another tanker had triplets. Here is a photo of the tanker mother breast feeding her twin MIG-31s. Another photo of a an IL Tanker mother feeding her jet fighter triplets is below that.

Although prolific, the Russian tankers have proven to be less than reliable. The problem with the IL Tanker is that it will mate with just about anything, and the fathers of both the twins and the triplets are unknown.

An unidentified source at Boeing said that it is difficult to obtain a very high sales price for such mutt fighters. When the father is some unknown crazy Russian aircraft, there just is not much of a market for those type of planes.

There was even one case of an IL-78 that had hooked up with an Italian sports car. “We believe that the suitor was a lead footed Ferrari, but we put stop to that relationship in a hurry,” said a Russian spokesman.

“Imagine what the result of that mating might be,” said the spokesman. “The offspring would probably have to be sent directly to the scrap yard.”

“These tankers simply have to begin staying away from the type of machine that is a bad influence,” the source said.

We also show a photo of a Boeing and the Airbus just prior to the mating ritual. The photo depicts just how precarious aircraft mating can be.

An Airbus spokesperson is reported to have stated that any premature disarticulation could prove catastrophic for both aircraft. “An error of that nature at that altitude could render both airplanes sterile,” the spokesperson said.

“We certainly do not need an Airbus in our fleet that is incapable of procreation. Fatherhood is a trait the French people cherish highly. And that goes for our aircraft as well,” the spokesperson said.

The final photo is that of a French Airbus 300 being prepared for surgery to reverse a vasectomy, which was previously a common procedure for the Airbus. The French wanted to prevent unwanted little airbuses suddenly appearing without notice.

Now that parturition is becoming more common for these aircraft, reverse vasectomies are also increasingly popular.

Road Sign Bloopers

Ah, the road sign is an integral part of automotive society. It is generally taken for granted and is usually not the subject of further study--unless, of course, it contains a glaring error. In which case, we all will take enormous delight in wallowing amongst the verbal sludge cast about during the ensuing debate over the merits of our highways' road sign etiquette.

You may have to study these examples somewhat to notice the error of the sign maker's ways. But that merely adds to your pleasure once you discover the gaffe.

Encountering such mistakes is quite rare in this age of digital signage because the sign makers make far fewer errors thanks to their spell checking software.

Perhaps the second sign really has no error but is correctly directing the motorist to the location of the "Keap." If you want to go to the "Keap," turn right.

My guess is that you really cannot get there from here anyway. But the more nagging question is, do you really want to get there?

We will have to leave that debate to a different posting and limit our concern to the more political issue of: if you acquiesce to the sign's command and do keep right, does that brand you as a right wing conservative, or merely label you as prudent? And, is there a difference between the two?

More sign humor...