Driving Humor

Here are some pointers about driving from George Carlin’s “Napalm and Silly Putty:”

Have you ever noticed, when you're driving, that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Here are a few basic points about driving. One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put them at ten o'clock and two o'clock.

Never mind that. I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. That gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm going.

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Origin of Flamethrowers

The very existence of flamethrowers is proof that at some time or another, somewhere, somebody said to himself, "You know, I really want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

--Thanks to George Carlin

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Hero Humor

Okay. If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Yeah…They never mention that part to us, do they?

--Thanks to George Carlin

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Frisbeetarianism

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

--Thanks to George Carlin

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