Giant Cow Maze Appears in Farm Field - Did UFOs Do It?

This giant cow maze appeared in a farm field in Marienfelde, which is in Germany, a tad Southwest of Berlin. However, this is one time when we know it was not UFOs that were carving up the landscape.

The maze is the work of Germany's Federal Institute of Risk Assessment, which is a government agency dedicated to examining the dangers posed by products in everyday life. The purpose of carving such a complex labyrinth into a corn field was to raise public awareness of the advantages of eating healthy foods and of the potential dangers of harmful substances found in food. Plus they also wanted to explain the digestion process that occurs in a cow's stomach.

One must assume that a successful trip from the cow's mouth through the stomach and digestive tract would educate you on how food travels through a bovine's digestive system. What a way to learn!

However, if memory serves from elementary school science class, don't cows have four stomachs or compartments within their stomach? Perhaps one must actually walk the labyrinth set up by the Institute to understand it all?

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Redneck Playground or Your Kid is Elephant Poopy
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Redneck Playground or Your Kid is Elephant Poopy

Safety is of paramount importance when designing anything children will use. There can be no parts that will pinch tiny fingers; in no way can any of the equipment or parts of the equipment tip over; and harmful substances such as lead paint or or any parts small enough to swallow simply are not allowed.

But our redneck playground designer must have skipped school the day his professor discussed appropriateness of theme, because something is wrong when your kids return home from the playground crying and telling you the other kids teased them and called them elephant poopy.

"Peter, Peter is elephant poopy. Emily smells like elephant poop. Nah-nah nah nah-nah!"

I don't know about you but hearing that my kids are being compared to elephant poop worries me that it may create an identity crisis in the four-year-old mind. That sort of nick name may tend to linger longer than one might like not unlike the odor of pachyderm poop.

"...I don't smell like elephant poopy, do I Daddy?"

One must reassure four-year-olds about enough other things in life without having to add elephant poopy to the list.

"Peter, the sky is blue because God painted it that color when he had left over paint from painting his living room. And no you do not smell like elephant poopy. Your mom makes you take lots of baths so you will only smell like a clean little boy."

Perhaps an elephant slide such as this one is not an issue in the Redneck mind because four-year-old Redneck little boys normally do smell like elephant poopy.

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Does This Dog Belong to Jesus?

If Jesus had a dog, this would be His dog

Obviously this dog can walk on water, so if Jesus had a dog, this dog would be His. But this dog is a bit shy about getting his feet wet, so the water must be on the cold side. Hey pup! If you are going to hang out with the Big Guy, you have to learn to suck it up.

Photo provided by TheSun.co.uk

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Redneck License Plates

Guess what used to be one of the most popular vanity license plates in all 50 states?

Of course it is only popular with the male half of the population. The female half possess a vastly different outlook on what is most popular.

I have yet to meet the missus that is willing to allow her better half to drive around town with a license plate like that. Maybe that is why the guy hates his wife, because she won't let him broadcast the fact that he hates her.

He probably would not hate her as much if she would let him tell the world that he hates her. And if he were totally free to proclaim that he hates her, maybe he wouldn't even hate her at all. But that gets into too much of which came first, the chicken or the egg.

There is probably a female counterpart to that plate, maybe something like this:


But the real reason that these folks hate either their wives or their men is because they fall into this category:


However, you don't see many plates like that driving around because of the strict rules of the motor vehicle departments around the nation. It's not that they don't want you telling folks that you hate your life. We all hate our lives to some degree; it's part of life to hate your life.

No, it's simpler than that. Most DMVs will no longer allow the combination of the letter "H" with the number "8." They claim they do not want to spread hatred.

Now that sounds like an admirable goal, but we know the real reason! The real reason is that they want to censor what you want to say.

Well, down with censorship! This is the Internet and we will say what ever we want to say! And we are going to start saying it right now!

We start with simple redneck license plates like this:


Or this:



Because we want to explore the redneck mentality in all of us, let's skate a little closer to the edge, like this:

Now that sounds sweet and innocent to most of us, but to Bubba, it really means this:


As we explore redneck family relationships even more we find that family reunions get very complicated. Here is one possibility:

And this license plate returns us to that chicken or the egg concept again. Did sis come first or did mom come first? I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.

Now if sis had a headache back when dad made his move on sis, that means that Bubba wouldn't even be here. How's that for complicated?

At that family reunion I heard Jim Bob say, "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" Did he mean that literally?

We have barely scratched the surface with redneck license plates. Think of the possibilities that beckon our exploration in this area, and think of the interesting posts that promise to come from it all.

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Redneck Transportation

As potholes go, this is one heavy-duty redneck hole in the ground. You will not likely find many other potholes that will challenge your driving skills as much as this one will.

Hopefully the parking lot folks didn't charge our victim much to park in this spot because that would be rubbing salt into the wound. This redneck is going to need something even better than 4-wheel drive to escape from this parking misadventure.

Perhaps a few good ol' boys will be milling around come quitting time. Those boys would need to be empathetic gents who exhibit a willingness to pitch in and help our redneck pothole victim extricate himself from this parking lot morass that is attempting to swallow his ride.


Half price just doesn't cut it when describing this misadventure. Call it half off and you have more aptly characterized the remains of this redneck vehicle. Even 50% off would work better.

Now, if this car does not have rear wheel drive, you will be in for a major disappointment when you shift into gear. And once you start tooling down the old highway, things are going to get a mite breezy so bring a sweater.

It is pretty obvious that traveling in this manner gives a whole new meaning to the concept of back seat driver because, in this case, the back seat driver is also the front seat driver.

Plus you can no longer call this cut-rate wonder a sedan, but it's still not a coupe either--not even a sports coupe. I guess we will just have to label it sporty and leave it at that.

In our first video, it's almost tanks for the memories:



Those tank drivers act like they are the only ones on the road, for Pete's sake! That guy needs a bumper sticker that says, "My other car is a Bradley armored vehicle!"

Our next video has redneck written all over it. This video describes redneck better than any other in recent memory. Give a look:



Do rednecks bother to plan ahead? Rarely.

Do they suffer the consequences? Always.

Don't you just love it? Oh yeah!

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Redneck Window Washers

Our first image portrays true dedication to keeping a neat and clean house, however, I would be scared to death if that were my mum out there on that ledge. How should one react to discovering that his mum exhibits behavior as redneck as venturing out onto narrow ledges above the hustle, bustle and din of the city anyway?

Hey Seamus, I saw your mom out on the window ledge the other day. Is she suicidal or what?

No, she’s just highly compulsive about cleanliness, that’s all.

Most of us appreciate a clean window, but our appreciation rarely extends to the window washer. I would hope, however, that the sight of a gray-haired, little old lady in her housecoat on an 18 inch wide ledge washing windows would at least elicit some respect for her devotion to keeping her world as transparent as possible.


Our second window washer also displays a single minded enthusiasm for her work that one rarely encounters any more. Most workers are limited to the use of merely two hands to finish their chores, but this resourceful lass appears to have learned how to keep herself abreast, so to speak, of any developments she may encounter.

Mark down one more reason to embrace breast augmentation surgery because wearing a D cup is clearly an advantage for anyone contemplating tackling this method of window cleaning.

Our third window washer must certainly have expected to draw a crowd, considering that she failed to properly dress for the occasion.

The locale is most probably Europe or South America because this type of attire will generally get you busted in the US. Europeans are much more tolerant toward such exposure than Americans.

Which brings up the subject of our video, where again exposure, or perhaps how much is too much, is the issue. The voyeurs in the video most probably feel there is no such thing as too much exposure.



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Redneck Mercedes

Leave it to a redneck to degrade a classic vehicle like a Mercedes simply to enable viewing the world sideways. The driver of this sedan gets to see what might have been if he had a yen to lean towards the southpaw in him.

One usually tries not to look back where he has been simply to avoid second guessing himself. However, prudence demands that you do spend some time looking where you are going. That could prove to be a challenge in this vehicle.

If nothing else, a sore neck is a likely result.

As for the video, there is a language barrier in this one, but the gist of the message is that the homeowner had grown tired of traffic in front of his home constantly exceeding the speed limit. Thus, he craftily devised a certain revenge to teach the lead-footed drivers a lesson.

I think that the law may not agree with his point of view in this instance. But that is the price that may be extracted when one exhibits a steadfast determination to play the role of vigilante.



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Kids in Funny Photos

Now this is one talented lad.


Young man, ten years from now, the ladies will not be able to keep their hands off of you. Actually, make that six years. Kids start younger these days.

Actually, this young boy is sitting on a fountain and diverting its flow. Did the photo fool you?

*****

Man overboa…wait. It’s kitty overboard!


I am guessing that none of the occupants of this raft bargained for this type of ride-especially the cat. The young lady in the middle looks like she will not be far behind the feline, whose departing thoughts were probably, “you dropped the poop.”

For those not in the know, “you dropped the poop” is a phrase that seems to be taking over the Internet. It means that you messed up, or “oh, sh…t .”

*****

“Mom, is that your butt?”


This kid is in for a heck of a letdown in ten or twelve years. After having been exposed to a butt like this in his youth, his level of expectations once he is a teenager is bound to be completely unrealistic .

If this kid ends up wanting a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad, he will probably be going to wait a long time. Cause there ain’t that many out there like that.

*****

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Un-Redneck Carpenter

This is one highly skilled carpenter, who is much too good to be classified as a redneck. Rednecks can only aspire to be this good at anything. If there were an Olympics category for carpentry, this worker would earn the gold medal.



Below is another tradesman who uses creativity to make up for his lack of hydraulic equipment. It may be a bit of a challenge to change the car's oil in this position, though. My guess is that this mechanic will not let that stop him.

And, don't you just love that sidewalk superintendent?


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Dog Eared Monkey Business and Cat Nap

Talk about strange bedfellows. These two unlikely pals reside in Goangdong Province, China, and have been virtually inseparable since the pigeon pretty much adopted the macaque monkey when he was only 12 weeks old. It seems that the macaque was abandoned by his mum, who preferred to party the night away rather than care for her babies. (Are you paying attention Britney?)

After he was abandoned, the monkey was near death. He was taken to an animal hospital and nursed back to physical health. However, from an emotional standpoint, he had little spirit, was clearly depressed and displayed little love for life.

Then the pigeon took the monkey under its wing, showing him the kind of love and affection that is ordinarily expressed only from a devoted parent to its offspring. The result is the loving relationship that clearly shines through in this photo.

Don’t you just love a happy ending?

Of course, it is rumored that the abandoning mother, who reportedly hates all things that end well, has hired an attorney and is now seeking to regain custody of her baby.

There is a rather familiar ring to this story, isn’t there? I wonder if the pigeon’s name is Kevin?



The dog eared photo needs little explanation. Looks like another tough guy throwing her weight around. That’s right! The tough looking German is a female.

Maybe that will teach you not to stereotype.



Hey! That looks like me on a Sunday afternoon.

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Creative Redneck Transportation

The redneck version of anything is always special, to say the least. First, we have a truly redneck designed and hand crafted Hog, or motorcycle for the less than hip folks in the audience. The mechanic's love for his machine clearly shows through in the workmanship. The guy even added a headlight and horn to this homemade version of "Harley Heaven."

Although it may not be street legal, you cannot truthfully say it is not special.

****

The following video highlights a redneck version of the bicycle built for...umm...two...I think. This transportation is clearly designed for the couple who are clearly saddled with opposing viewpoints.

The rider in the rear...er...rather, the rider to the right decidedly retains the privilege of viewing life from the certitude of hindsight. What's done is done. There is little open to conjecture from his point of view.

The rider to the left, however, is constantly faced with hypothesis and curiosity. What, oh what, lies beyond the next turn? One can only speculate. This machine is proof that perspective is everything.



Next is the redneck lawnmower. Now this is a machine for the weekend lawn jockey in all of us. This grass cutter adds a little panache and flair to what is usually a rather dull chore.

Leave it to the creativity of the redneck mind to tackle lawn work from such a unique perspective.


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Road Sign Bloopers

Ah, the road sign is an integral part of automotive society. It is generally taken for granted and is usually not the subject of further study--unless, of course, it contains a glaring error. In which case, we all will take enormous delight in wallowing amongst the verbal sludge cast about during the ensuing debate over the merits of our highways' road sign etiquette.

You may have to study these examples somewhat to notice the error of the sign maker's ways. But that merely adds to your pleasure once you discover the gaffe.

Encountering such mistakes is quite rare in this age of digital signage because the sign makers make far fewer errors thanks to their spell checking software.

Perhaps the second sign really has no error but is correctly directing the motorist to the location of the "Keap." If you want to go to the "Keap," turn right.

My guess is that you really cannot get there from here anyway. But the more nagging question is, do you really want to get there?

We will have to leave that debate to a different posting and limit our concern to the more political issue of: if you acquiesce to the sign's command and do keep right, does that brand you as a right wing conservative, or merely label you as prudent? And, is there a difference between the two?

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Redneck Wireless Telehone Call

Sometimes you get that phone call that you simply have to take. But, when nature calls, you really cannot ignore that either. The result might very well end up like this, except that this redneck men’s room has no walls.

Well, that simply makes for more interesting conversations and undoubtedly for some animated observations from the voyeur in all of us.

Personally, I am going to hang around to see if that woman in 44D intends to take a shower this morning. Rumor has it that she uses soap-on-a-rope, and that is something that really should be verified first hand.

You simply cannot delegate responsibility for a duty as solemn as that, nor would I stoop to burdening others with such a daunting task. I just will not presume to ask another to perform a chore that I am not willing to undertake myself.

Although, for some reason, I sense that the building’s water pressure may be compromised a tad today. Perhaps it has something to do with a rumor going around regarding a city condemnation order.

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Headless Redneck Businessman

This redneck has obviously lost his head, and he does not appear to be handling it all that well. Unfortunately, some folks’ personalities simply do not shine during a crisis.

“Hey mister! Have you seen my head anywhere around here? It was here just a minute ago. No, it‘s not in there.”

Mr. Businessman, did you know that it was Rudyard Kipling who said: “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you.”

Mister redneck obviously has not read Kipling because he has already lost his head, and, although there is no indication on where he is placing the blame, an educated guess says it is being placed on someone other than himself.

And…yes, he does appear to be rather affected by it all. Does the word frantic come to mind?

“Well, it just has to be here somewhere?”

Here‘s a thought. Let us try to be logical about this. Where were you when you last saw your head? Perhaps we can retrace your steps.

“I had it when I left home this morning. The Missus and I were having an argument. She is ready to have a baby, because it seems that her biological clock is ticking. I think that is what set it all off.”

Now we are getting somewhere. You say that the missus’ clock is ticking? That sheds a new light on the situation. Nary a man dead or alive was ever capable of keeping his head when the better half had a ticking clock. Like it or not, her hormones will take over the relationship, and the male has not a chance.

Your choice is simple, dear sir. Your mistake was to think that your headless existence was a result of a physical malady. The reality is that it is completely psychological. Your life as a family man is about to be changed forever by the tick-tock of your wife’s hormones. The longer that you fight that ticking, the more exasperating your miserable existence will be.

However, the cure is simple. You either succumb to your other half’s wishes or your head will be lost to you forever. No man can compete when female hormones are out of control. Agree to have the baby or face a future of headless frustration.

But it could be worse. You could be missing more essential parts of your anatomy.

But do not fret. That will come after the baby does.

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Hillary Clinton Graffiti

The American voter seems to favor Hillary Clinton, according to the latest polls. Don't they remember Bubba saying, "I did not have sex with that woman?"

Are all of the American voters masochists?

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Redneck High School Reunion

If one ordinary picture is worth a thousand words, this photo should be worth one dictionary. We have all seen some Gatorade moments on the sidelines of football games, but this moment is about to be priceless.

You get the invitation to your high school reunion, and you think, “yeah. Why not go?”

Well, here is your reason because this is about to be one wet get together.

Notice how everyone is smiling--except for that one stick-in-the-mud towards the bottom right side. Do you think he knew what was about to happen? One can only guess.

There had to have been a choice few who knew what was up because it is almost impossible to keep that many folks in the dark on something this big and this wet. That fellow on the far left appears to have the biggest smile of all. Could it be that he deliberately positioned himself far enough away from the waterfalls so that he remained high and dry?

Or perhaps this is someone’s idea of an involuntary wet t-shirt contest. If that is the case, then the only winners are the ones on the roof.

Regardless of who knew what in advance, this will be one unforgettable reunion.

What do you think they will have planned for the next year?

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More Paris Hilton Road Construction Humor

One more celebrity at the side of the road-it seems to be pretty busy over there. This time it is Paris Hilton over there and she needs help. But, of course, we all knew that.



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Redneck Penguins

These two must both be rednecks to get along so well. The slap happy one on the right appears to exhibit that classic anti-social personality that seems to say “Oh yeah. I am redneck woman and this is my roar.” This little woman is scary. Give this girl an opportunity, and she will slap you into the next century.

It appears that she has had lots of practice keeping her Bubba in line because her movements are so silky smooth. Of course, timing is everything when it comes to antics like this. Flap that flipper just a moment too soon, and this gag could backfire big time. Then it might easily be redneck woman in the drink rather than The Bubba himself.

Naturally, Bubba does not see a thing coming. Listen carefully and you can nearly hear him blindly shout, “stand aside woman! Here I come.” Or should we say, there he went? His demeanor announces his arrival. Oddly enough, I don’t hear anybody announcing his departure.

But that is just as well. After an entrance so dramatically embarrassing, one would think he would prefer to quietly slip away rather than to draw attention to himself deliberately.

The real question here is what is redneck woman’s motivation? You know that she is going to get it when she and Bubba get home. She must be deeply motivated to risk both life and limb by deliberately antagonizing The Bubba.

Perhaps it is a simple tale of another redneck woman in the picture because that appears to be life’s continuing story.

Redneck meets woman. Redneck gets woman. Redneck cheats on woman. Redneck woman gets even.

It is an eternal scene in life, and even Shakespeare was not able to improve on it.

Note: The penguins should be moving. If they are not, you are probably on a slower Internet connection. Click F5 on your keyboard to reload, and that should get our penguins moving for you.

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Paris has More Graffiti?

Hey! Wait just a minute. Is it possible? Do you think that all of the recent Paris Hilton publicity may be connected to her love of publicity?

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Paris Jail Release Photos

Here are some photos I found at different sites on the net of Paris Hilton being released from jail. Look at them now, because the lawyers will probably be yelling to take them down due to copyright issues.

This 26-year-old socialite looks pretty happy to be free at this point. Here is Paris as she walks out of the jail house.

What I have noticed is that a whole lot of people are pretty mad at all of the publicity that Paris has been getting for being a bad girl.

The younger folks just do not know that this is how it is in this world. And this is how it has always been.

Paris Hilton is probably the most famous person in the world today, and it is not because she has accomplished anything in her young life.

She is a 26-year-old lily white porn star who was a nobody until she exposed herself to the world with an x-rated Internet video.

Before that she was nothing but a spoiled rich girl.

Now she's a spoiled little rich girl who's been to prison--for 23 days. Big deal!




Here is what Forbes and the telegraph.co.uk in Great Britain said Paris has earned in recent years:

2003-2004: $2 million.

2004-2005: $6.5 million.

2005-2006: $7 million.

Does anybody want to guess what she will make in the rest of 2007? I think it will be a whole lot more than that.

Hugging her mom Kathy Hilton

All because of a DUI and driving with a suspended license.

A DUI costs normal everyday people a small fortune in lawyers' fees and court costs, and high auto insurance fees.

Paris is turning 23 days in the slammer into a bonanza.


Paris and Mom, Kathy, in their SUV



Just think of what may happen now. She begins with the Larry King show. After that she will obviously have offers for public appearances, movies, videos, musical appearances.

It doesn't matter if she has any talent or not. She is a household name now, and that sells. People will tune in just to see Paris, the poor little rich girl porn star turned parolee.


They say in Hollywood that any publicity is good publicity. Well, now we will see if that is true.

If Paris' career skyrockets from this point onward, those 23 days in the cooler will be time well spent.





It is quite likely that she will make a whole lot more than the $7 million she made last year. But, of course, to her it is not the money because she has all of the money that she needs.

Pairs seems to need to be wanted and loved, and, sadly, this will bring some of that to her in the form of fan worship.

Think there are enough paparazzi?

To top it all off. She is going to have to live in this dump in Bel-Air.

Poor little rich girl!














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