Giant Cow Maze Appears in Farm Field - Did UFOs Do It?

This giant cow maze appeared in a farm field in Marienfelde, which is in Germany, a tad Southwest of Berlin. However, this is one time when we know it was not UFOs that were carving up the landscape.

The maze is the work of Germany's Federal Institute of Risk Assessment, which is a government agency dedicated to examining the dangers posed by products in everyday life. The purpose of carving such a complex labyrinth into a corn field was to raise public awareness of the advantages of eating healthy foods and of the potential dangers of harmful substances found in food. Plus they also wanted to explain the digestion process that occurs in a cow's stomach.

One must assume that a successful trip from the cow's mouth through the stomach and digestive tract would educate you on how food travels through a bovine's digestive system. What a way to learn!

However, if memory serves from elementary school science class, don't cows have four stomachs or compartments within their stomach? Perhaps one must actually walk the labyrinth set up by the Institute to understand it all?

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Redneck Playground or Your Kid is Elephant Poopy
Smartest Monkey on Earth - Video
Does This Dog Belong to Jesus?
Worst Job Ever

Redneck Playground or Your Kid is Elephant Poopy

Safety is of paramount importance when designing anything children will use. There can be no parts that will pinch tiny fingers; in no way can any of the equipment or parts of the equipment tip over; and harmful substances such as lead paint or or any parts small enough to swallow simply are not allowed.

But our redneck playground designer must have skipped school the day his professor discussed appropriateness of theme, because something is wrong when your kids return home from the playground crying and telling you the other kids teased them and called them elephant poopy.

"Peter, Peter is elephant poopy. Emily smells like elephant poop. Nah-nah nah nah-nah!"

I don't know about you but hearing that my kids are being compared to elephant poop worries me that it may create an identity crisis in the four-year-old mind. That sort of nick name may tend to linger longer than one might like not unlike the odor of pachyderm poop.

"...I don't smell like elephant poopy, do I Daddy?"

One must reassure four-year-olds about enough other things in life without having to add elephant poopy to the list.

"Peter, the sky is blue because God painted it that color when he had left over paint from painting his living room. And no you do not smell like elephant poopy. Your mom makes you take lots of baths so you will only smell like a clean little boy."

Perhaps an elephant slide such as this one is not an issue in the Redneck mind because four-year-old Redneck little boys normally do smell like elephant poopy.

Worst job ever
Alcoholic Elephants on the Rampage
Big Girl in the Shower
Second Worst Job Ever

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Does This Dog Belong to Jesus?

If Jesus had a dog, this would be His dog

Obviously this dog can walk on water, so if Jesus had a dog, this dog would be His. But this dog is a bit shy about getting his feet wet, so the water must be on the cold side. Hey pup! If you are going to hang out with the Big Guy, you have to learn to suck it up.

Photo provided by TheSun.co.uk

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A Phew Phunny Photos You'll Like

It's Phunny Photo time, and with themes ranging from horse sense to conspiracy theories, I believe that today we have a phew gems you will like.

Hey boss! Did you try testing the alternator?

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This next sign is a re-creation of a sign that was posted in a construction zone in Lubbock, Texas. It seems that some techie managed to hack into the computer for the sign and added his own version of what should be posted there.

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Do you know one of those conspiracy theorists who constantly thinks that everyone is plotting to take over the world? Maybe they are.

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It is sometimes amazing how some businesses survive considering their level of customer service.

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That's a lot of Budweiser!

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Have you ever spent time wandering through a cemetery? You might be surprised at the eye opening sights you will see.

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Getting a proper education is not necessary to make it in this world, but it may save you from an embarrassing moment or two. BTW, remind me to call the missus to ask her to pick up "are" kids from school.

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Either Elmer Fudd or Barbara Walters must live in this neighborhood.

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If their customers are just plain mean, they should charge them a lot more than $10. How about $110?

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Redneck Fire-Breathing Dragon



Worst Job Ever



Redneck High School Reunion



Redneck Penguins

Worst Job Ever

This absolutely, positively has to be the worst job ever, bar none. You could not pay me enough to do this for a living. Sorry all you veterinarians, but this is where I draw the line.

Can't you see the circus manager saying, "Hey, Johnny! Call the vet! Big Bertha's compacted again. Can't get that girl to eat enough roughage, no matter what I do."

What does this vet say to people when he is first introduced to them? "How do you do? I'm John Smith....What type of work do I do? I'm an elephant veterinarian. I specialize in compacted elephants. Have enema will travel is my motto."

The second worst job in the world is the guy holding Bertha's tail.

His big mistake is he is not dressed for the job. What happens when the enema takes effect and Bertha let's her rip. The guy holding the tail is in the direct line of fire, and he is not protected with plastic like the vet is.

I am so much more appreciative of having a desk job now than ever before. I understand the dedication of animal lovers, but, this has to take the cake.

Notice how the guy holding the tail intently peers at what the vet is doing. He probably aspires to be a vet some day himself. If this does not turn him off from the vet business, nothing will.

I guess there is nothing like on the job training.

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Curiosity Didn't Kill This Cat
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Funny Photos - Wrong Place and Time Bloopers

The theme today is being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and the above feline has most definitely hit both wrongs directly on the nose. This is either one remarkably brave cat, one very stupid one, or one very unlucky one.

Our location is probably an obedience school where these pups’ ability to obey their masters’ commands regardless of the temptation to do otherwise is being tested. If only one of those German shepherds loses it, however, they will all lose it, and our poor little kitty is toast.

Yes, Hans, you did see a puddy tat. The begging question is: can you ignore it? Several of the Fidos have that look in their eye, as in “Hey, there’s dinner. Let‘s eat.”

The real question here is how many cats do they lose when the dogs’ obedience is being put to the test? Because this kitty will most certainly need all nine of its lives.



Okay, perhaps the most dangerous part of skydiving is not necessarily whether or not the chute opens.

If this skydiving enthusiast survives this encounter with nature, will he retain his enthusiasm about jumping again? This may be his supreme test about whether he continues to participate in the sport he loves.

I know what you are thinking. It’s a Photoshop moment. If it is, then it is a very good one. Notice the parachutist’s reflection in the water. It is a much less defined reflection and is right where it should be.

This photo looks plenty real to me, and I do not believe that those crocs are going through obedience school training either.

That leaves pilot error or else we have one very gutsy skydiver. Regardless, you could not pay me enough to be in this guy’s chutes right now.

The only way our man can get out of this situation is if someone is standing behind the scenes with a boat or air lift ready to rescue our danger junkie at the last moment.

*****

The term “freak accident” may be a euphemism here. This is just plain weird. The death of Od is truly quite odd. I think everyone wanted to say that so I just got it out of the way.

Have you ever swallowed a gnat on a humid summer evening? This situation is something like that, except on a much grander scale.

My question is “Did Od have to die.” Why couldn’t they have immediately shot Hilda the hippo and gutted her? Od would have been in her belly only a couple of minutes if they had acted right away.

It is because Hilda was probably worth more to the circus than Od was. Once again, money is the determining factor about who lives and who dies.

*****

The following video contains animal bloopers of a far less dire nature.



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Alcoholic Elephants on the Rampage

This Sri Lankan elephant definitely appears to be ticked, as you can plainly see as he takes out his anger on this mini-bus. Sadly, elephants on the rampage like this are becoming a rather common phenomenon in Asia.

The situation plays something like this: Man encroaches on traditional pachyderm territory, so the elephants move further into the jungle to avoid contact with man. Well, you can hardly blame them for that, now can you?

The problem is that man has been encroaching on an ever increasing basis, and the elephants have fewer and fewer viable areas to retreat to.

But what has been setting the elephants off on rampages like the one in the following video is a combination of dwindling food supplies and plentiful rice beer. Farmers make huge batches of rice beer for personal consumption and for sale. As elephants venture into a village in search of food, they may happen upon a farmer’s rice beer still.

The elephants end up with too much of a good thing after chugging down the home brewed beer. Then, like some homo sapiens, they get mean and ornery once they are drunk. The result is what you see in the photo and the video.



Villagers all over Asia are concerned about the problem and have even tried to bring in outside animal experts to help them address the issue.

One of the experts has been Paris Hilton, who has not hesitated to express her opinion on the matter. To clarify matters for you, Paris knows nothing about elephants, but she does know quite a lot about imbibing to excess and is definitely an expert on that subject.

The media have been anxiously awaiting what remarkable words of wisdom Paris will utter to help all of Asia solve this tricky dilemma. So, Paris, what do we do with these alcoholic elephants?

“We need to stop making alcohol available to them,” said the 26-year-old starlet.

Wow! That is so simple it is profound. Obviously, no one else ever thought of that! Of course, it may take a while to locate a bouncer who is able to eighty six one of these husky fellas from any drinking establishment, let alone a homemade still. But we’ll advertise the position on Craig’s List to find the right job candidates.

From a more practical standpoint, what really needs to happen is to get those beer swigging pachyderms into rehab. Now this is a subject that Paris knows well. The plan would be to recruit Paris, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears to counsel these wayward beasts prevailing upon them to change their decadent ways and rehabilitate themselves into munificent members of jungle society.

Paris, LL and BS must convince the brutes that they owe it to society to become positive influences for social change.

Our three musketeers could set up an academy for wayward elephants in Asia in a manner similar to what Oprah Winfrey has done for gifted young girls in South Africa. This modern day celebrity version of Larry, Moe and Curly could get the elephants on a 12-step program that would revolutionize Asian jungle law.

No more elephant rampages in the night and no more swilling beer till all hours. The problem is almost solved already. And to think we owe all of this progress on the issue to our dear Paris.

When we first saw her Internet porn video way back when, we just knew that girl was meant for greatness.

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Lethal Snake Bite?

Ah! Life in the Middle East. You never know when a killer snake may make an unannounced visit. Notice how quickly everyone moves when confronted with the possibility of almost certain death.



Of course, there is always one guy who behaves unpredictably. Is fainting an effective defense against a lethal snake bite? Unfortunately, the video ends before we know whether this guy survived.

Perhaps it was a cell phone video and the photographer ran out of memory in his camera. The snake appeared to be making its own quick exit when the video ended.

On a related note, the snake video incident might have been worse. One could have been bitten by a similar snake with two heads, which could mean twice the venom.

I know what you are thinking--that the photos are merely touched up to make it appear that it is a two-headed snake. The fact that there are two photos of the two-headed snake minimizes the possibility that the pics have merely been photoshopped. Doctoring two photos is almost twice as much work.

Plus, there are documented incidents of such reptiles in existence.


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