Redneck Super Models

Do you ever wonder why you never see any super models on the street, in the grocery, or on the subway? Well, they make so much money, they probably do not travel by subway or bus, but there is another reason you do not see these gorgeous women out in public.

That reason is: these women do not exist--at least not the way you think they do.

Do you really believe that super model Gisele Bundchen looks as good as the photo on the left?

Gisele is extremely attractive, but in no way does she look as good in real life as the woman you see in that photo.

The photo on the right is also Gisele Bundchen.

If you were not told that they are one and the same woman, you would assume that they are two different models because they look so incredibly unalike in the two photos.

In the next photo on the left we have super model Kate Moss completely au naturel. She is wearing no makeup and very little lighting has been added to enhance the photograph.

She even bears a slight blemish or birthmark on her right cheek.

Next they bring in the high priced hair stylists and makeup people, who go to town on Kate. After tying her hair back for a slender high fashion look, the makeup artists apply a base to her face.

Voila! The freckles and blemishes have disappeared.

Lip gloss widens her mouth and enhances the lips to make them seem more adult like. Eye makeup augments her eyes making them appear deeper and darker.

The photographer adjusts the lighting and suddenly Kate's nose and cheeks appear thinner.

Once the photographer's shutter has snapped, the cgi and photoshop experts go to work. Kate's natural hazel eye color becomes a deep dark brown. Small white dots added to the eyes make you think Kate looks at no one but you.

A highlighter added to Kate's left cheek area nudges the right side of the photograph into dominance.

All of that work produces the next photo on the right. Our process begins as Kate Moss in her natural look as the girl next door, and it ends with her appearing as a sultry super model with an impossibly sizzling good look.

Impossible is the key word here because it is impossible for any woman to look like the photo on the right. Even Kate Moss does not look that good in real life.

All of this magic with hair styling, makeup, lighting, photography, and cgi is not lost on our redneck friends. They realize that with today's technology just about any woman can be transformed into a super model.

And that brings us to our video featuring two models. The first scene stars a normal super model and the second features the redneck version. Have a look.



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Redneck Window Washers

Our first image portrays true dedication to keeping a neat and clean house, however, I would be scared to death if that were my mum out there on that ledge. How should one react to discovering that his mum exhibits behavior as redneck as venturing out onto narrow ledges above the hustle, bustle and din of the city anyway?

Hey Seamus, I saw your mom out on the window ledge the other day. Is she suicidal or what?

No, she’s just highly compulsive about cleanliness, that’s all.

Most of us appreciate a clean window, but our appreciation rarely extends to the window washer. I would hope, however, that the sight of a gray-haired, little old lady in her housecoat on an 18 inch wide ledge washing windows would at least elicit some respect for her devotion to keeping her world as transparent as possible.


Our second window washer also displays a single minded enthusiasm for her work that one rarely encounters any more. Most workers are limited to the use of merely two hands to finish their chores, but this resourceful lass appears to have learned how to keep herself abreast, so to speak, of any developments she may encounter.

Mark down one more reason to embrace breast augmentation surgery because wearing a D cup is clearly an advantage for anyone contemplating tackling this method of window cleaning.

Our third window washer must certainly have expected to draw a crowd, considering that she failed to properly dress for the occasion.

The locale is most probably Europe or South America because this type of attire will generally get you busted in the US. Europeans are much more tolerant toward such exposure than Americans.

Which brings up the subject of our video, where again exposure, or perhaps how much is too much, is the issue. The voyeurs in the video most probably feel there is no such thing as too much exposure.



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Redneck Penguins

These two must both be rednecks to get along so well. The slap happy one on the right appears to exhibit that classic anti-social personality that seems to say “Oh yeah. I am redneck woman and this is my roar.” This little woman is scary. Give this girl an opportunity, and she will slap you into the next century.

It appears that she has had lots of practice keeping her Bubba in line because her movements are so silky smooth. Of course, timing is everything when it comes to antics like this. Flap that flipper just a moment too soon, and this gag could backfire big time. Then it might easily be redneck woman in the drink rather than The Bubba himself.

Naturally, Bubba does not see a thing coming. Listen carefully and you can nearly hear him blindly shout, “stand aside woman! Here I come.” Or should we say, there he went? His demeanor announces his arrival. Oddly enough, I don’t hear anybody announcing his departure.

But that is just as well. After an entrance so dramatically embarrassing, one would think he would prefer to quietly slip away rather than to draw attention to himself deliberately.

The real question here is what is redneck woman’s motivation? You know that she is going to get it when she and Bubba get home. She must be deeply motivated to risk both life and limb by deliberately antagonizing The Bubba.

Perhaps it is a simple tale of another redneck woman in the picture because that appears to be life’s continuing story.

Redneck meets woman. Redneck gets woman. Redneck cheats on woman. Redneck woman gets even.

It is an eternal scene in life, and even Shakespeare was not able to improve on it.

Note: The penguins should be moving. If they are not, you are probably on a slower Internet connection. Click F5 on your keyboard to reload, and that should get our penguins moving for you.

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This is Redneck Woman

This is redneck woman; hear her roar. And roar she does; loud and clear.

If you thought that men were the only rednecks out there, you were dead redneck wrong. Behind most male rednecks, there often beats the heart of a less-than-gorgeous redneck woman. And Bubba, these women are no strangers to the redneck way of life.

These beauties come in every shape and size, and most of them put their man to shame when it comes to that redneck attitude. Like your typical weekend athlete, these women know how to make the worst out of any situation. Anything that can go wrong usually will.

You may feel just a little bit sorry for that tiny little boy on the slide that was squashed by the clumsy redneck woman who fell on top of him. But that little Joe Bob may just as well get used to it. If he manages to live long enough to become an actual redneck himself, his redneck woman will probably be squashing him both mentally and emotionally on a regular basis.

It seems to come with the redneck territory.



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