Watch This Building Fall Down

Here we are in Surat, India, of all places, and we are building watching. Some people watch birds, some watch girls, but today in Surat, we are watching a building. We are watching it lean...lean a little more...Oh, Oh! We are watching it lean a lot more!



Well, they sure don't build them like that any more, do they? Hopefully, it will make you think a little the next time you hire a contractor to work on your house. You may want to check his references more thoroughly too.

"Well, yeah, I've been building them for years and years, and hardly any of my buildings have fallen down. And the ones that have fallen down haven't done so in their first 20 years."

You may even appreciate your city building inspector more than you used to.

"Yes, sir, Mr. Inspector. You go right ahead to make sure those footings have real cement in them. That's just fine with me."

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Funny English Lesson Results in Spanking

The Japanese have a reality TV show where the contestants play a game called gaki no tsukai that requires you not to laugh in order to win the game. If you do laugh, you get a good spanking on your bottom. The player who laughs the least eventually wins.

Since the idea is to make the contestants laugh, the funniest videos will rise to the top because they are the most likely to make contestants laugh.

Watching this English lesson eliminates many a player. If you want to watch it with English subtitles, click here. Remember, if you laugh you lose.



My guess is that you did not win.

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Redneck Feuding Humor

Two backwoods rednecks, who lived across the river from each other, feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence, while Clarence felt the same way about John.

This went on for years until the Corps of Engineers built a bridge across the river. John was elated; he told his wife that he was finally going to get the opportunity to cross that river and beat Clarence senseless.

John left home, intent on his mission; however, he returned in just a few minutes.

His wife asked, “What’s wrong? Why didn’t you cross that new bridge and whip Clarence?”

John replied, “Well, I’ve never really seen Clarence up close, and I didn’t realize how big he was until I reached the bridge and saw a sign that said: ‘CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN’”

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Britney Spears Road Construction

Ah! The peripatetic Britney Spears can't stay in any one place for very long. And she is always forgetting to finish dressing. She should keep an extra pair of panties in the glove box for emergencies such as this.

But, of course, where would the publicity be in that? No self-respecting paparazzo would waste film on a pair of panties, not when au naturel is a viable alternative. That candid photo of Brittney's nether region had to fetch at least six figures. I doubt that the Tabloids would even dish out two bits for a panty shot these days.

Of course, the Britney Spears, the Christina Aguileras and the Paris Hiltons of the world realize that skin is in. That is why they show so much of it--because sex sells, and sex makes for much bigger paydays. Although why a billionaire heiress like Paris needs a bigger payday is a bit of a mystery.

Poor Britney earns a mere $70-80 Million per year, and that must be very hard to get by on. Paris' illions, on the other hand begin with a b, not an m, which means that an extra million or two will not really make any significant difference to her.

For Paris, the thrill must be in the chase rather than the pay check, which must make her upcoming incarceration all the less bearable. It is difficult to chase anything when you are locked up 24/7.

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Drunk and Not-So-Dumb Blonde Humor

A drunk and a blonde are sitting next to each other on an airplane. The drunk asks the blonde if she would like to play a game.

The blonde, who is tired and really just wants to take a nap, politely declines to participate and rolls over toward the window to go to sleep.

The drunk persists, explaining how the game works. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me. If you ask me a question that I don’t know the answer to, I will pay you."

The blonde again declines politely still hoping to get some sleep.

The drunk, figuring that he will easily win because his opponent is a blonde, increases the attractiveness of his offer. "If you don't know the answer to my question, you only pay me $5, but if I don't know the answer to your question, then I will pay you $500."

The blonde figures the drunk will continue tormenting her unless she plays, so she reluctantly agrees.

The drunk asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde reaches into her purse, removes a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the drunk. Then she asks the drunk, "What goes up a hill with three legs, but comes down with four?"

The drunk is puzzled. He uses his laptop to search for references, taps into the plane’s air-phone with his modem and even searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he tries emailing his coworkers, family and friends with no luck. After about an hour, he finally gives up.

He wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500, then turns back to the window to get back to sleep.

The drunk is going nuts still trying to figure it out. He wakes the blonde asking, "Well, tell me, what goes up a hill with three legs but comes down with four?"

The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the drunk $5, then goes back to sleep.

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Redneck Sister Graffiti

• "Billy Ray's sister is also his step mom."

Well, that could be very confusing. "Mom, make her stop looking at me" would become "Mom, stop looking at me?"

Imagine Billy Ray bringing home his first girlfriend and introducing her to the 'family:' "Mary, I want you to meet my sister, my mom and dad's wife. No, that's not three people, that's just sis here."

And it gives a whole new meaning to the concept of "I want a girl, just like the girl that married dear old dad."

Okay, all of you folks who do not believe in evolution have to explain something that I do not understand. If humankind began with Adam and Eve, doesn't that mean that their kids had to intermarry. How else could the population expand? And, if that's true, then doesn't that condone incest?

The nuns never would explain that to me when I was a kid. They kept changing the subject, and I still don't get it to this day.

Any of you biblical fundamentalists are welcome to comment.

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On Paris Hilton, David Letterman and Bill Murray

David Letterman came up with an absolute gem the other night when he was talking about Paris Hilton. Here is David on Paris:

“Paris Hilton has taken to reading the bible to help her through her upcoming jail sentence. But, she admittedly is no expert on the bible. She thought Deuteronomy meant having an operation to remove your deuter.”

Paris will soon be more fodder for the talk shows when June 5th arrives. That is the date that she is scheduled to report to the slammer for 45 days because she was caught driving after her drivers license had been suspended.

Prepare yourself for some very clever quips from some of the professional quipsters out there. It has been so rare for celebrities to get convicted and sentenced these days, that it is truly hard to believe that one of the self-promoters is actually going to get punished for exhibiting anti-social behavior.

It would not surprise me if something happens to prevent Paris from actually going to jail. Some judge will issue a stay or the Governator will give her a pardon.

It was recently reported that she was seen buying a bible and a self-help manual. It is hard to believe that Paris has suddenly gotten religion, and some believe that it is merely a ploy to convince a judge that she has changed her ways.

Bill Murray was quoted once regarding money and fame. Bill said:

“To people who want to be rich and famous, I'd say, ‘Get rich first and see if that doesn't cover it.’”

Well, Paris was obviously very rich before she became a celebrity, and obviously that didn’t cover it for her. How many people even knew who she was before her infamous x-rated video showed up on the Internet?

She didn’t just want to be famous, she wanted to be famous and desired by men everywhere.

Others believe that Paris’ upcoming jail sentence is merely a publicity gimmick. Her publicists have been very good at getting her name out there in front of the public eye. Did you know that Paris is 26 years old and already has an autobiography entitled “Confessions of an Heiress?”

Paris’ jail sentence may be a real consequence to a young woman’s overindulgence in herself or it may be only a publicity stunt designed for self-promotion. But Paris has managed to get the whole planet talking about her once again.

What does that tell you?

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Redneck Garbage Graffiti

If Dad says you have to do it, I guess you have to do it. But what do you think Joe Bob's dad would say about it? Perhaps, one man's trash is another man's treasure?

• "His Dad said: Take out the trash. So now Bubba's dating Joe Bob's sister."

Hey girls! I think Joe Bob has a brother that's single. This could be your opportunity.

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Ethnic Humor

Ethnic humor can be some of the best humor as long as you don't take it personally. Here are a couple gems:

Irish humor:

An Irishman found himself driving down a crowded street furiously searching back and forth because he was late for an important meeting and could not find a parking place.

Finally frustrated, he Looked up to heaven and said, "Good Lord, please take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me favorite Irish Whiskey."

Like a Miracle, a parking place suddenly appeared. The Irishman looked up again and said,

"Never mind, I found one!"

Jewish Humor:

An Israeli, a Russian, and an American are eating together at a table in a restaurant. Their waiter stops by the table saying, “Excuse me, but we have a shortage of meat.”

The American asks: “What’s ‘shortage’?”

The Russian asks: “What’s ‘meat’?”

The Israeli asks: “What’s ‘excuse me’?”

Graffiti Fame

This is what sometimes happens when you try to tell some folks what they can and cannot do. Good or bad, once you are famous, you may just live forever inside of sarcastic minds. I am just glad I am not famous, my name isn't Bill...and I'm not sarcastic.




Hmmmm...Cosby, Clinton, Gates...Where's Wild Bill Hickock?

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Funniest Joke in the World

Even Wikipedia refers to this joke as the funniest joke in the world. It is a bit on the lengthy side, over nine minutes. But, if you like Monty Python, it is time well spent.



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Redneck Sushi Graffiti

Today's Redneck Graffiti:

"Jim Bob Buys Sushi at Bubba's Bait Shop!"

Dat dere Jim Bob is a bad un, he is!!

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Paris Watching

Poor Paris Hilton has decided to forego any appeal of her conviction of driving with a suspended license according to recent news reports. She has been scheduled to enter jail on June 5th, and some reports suggest that the billionaire heiress intends to report to the big house even earlier than that.

Those in the know claim that her sentence could be reduced to 23 days from the 45 days that she was sentenced to because of time off for good behavior. Of course, Paris may intend to behave properly once she enters the slammer, but, the real question is: Can a leopard change its spots?

Paris has not really behaved all that well outside of prison, so why does she think she will suddenly be capable of behaving any better inside? There may be other influences on the inside that intend to bait poor Paris into behaving badly just to ensure that the heiress spends the full 45 days of her sentence in the cooler. There are not that many folks doing time who have your charitable Christian attitude towards others. It would only take one sociopath to pick a fight with poor Paris, thereby making sure she remain incarcerated for the full 45 days.

However, one can also be sure that a substantial chunk of the Hilton fortune is now being spent to pave Paris’ path toward the straight and narrow. Her lawyers are probably busy hiring a few protectors to look out for her while she visits the County’s Century Regional Detention Facility for her government sponsored rehabilitation. Those knightly types may well be both on the government payroll as staff at the county facility and others who are, themselves, spending time there involuntarily.

The media have reported that this particular government facility houses inmates (doesn’t that sound good? Paris Hilton: inmate) in two bed cells. That means that poor Paris will have a roommate. Imagine the payroll that lucky stiff will get to take proper care of Paris while she is housed at county expense.

It must be so nice to have the kind of spare change that enables you to influence people so readily. But that is a status that this second generation son of Irish immigrants can only imagine in his dreams. As a common working stiff, all the extra cash coming in goes right back out to afford life’s basics.

Here is to June 5th. It promises to be an eventful time that could entertain us common folk considerably. It isn’t that often that celebrities are convicted of anything in California any more, and that makes Paris watching all the more enjoyable these days.

Copyright 2007. All rights reserved. Seamus McCafferty.

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Seat Belt Humor

A highway patrolman pulled a driver over to the side of the road to inform him that the driver had just won $1,000 in a government sponsored safety contest because the driver was buckled up and wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" asked the officer.

The driver replied, "I guess I'll go to driving school to get my license."

At just that moment, his wife seated next to him in the passenger seat, piped up, "Officer, don't listen to a word he says. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The commotion woke up a man sleeping in the back seat, who, upon seeing the cop, blurted out, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

Suddenly, there was a loud knock from the trunk of the vehicle and a voice asked, "Are we across the border yet?"

More Driving Humor...

Humorous Quotes

Here are a few humorous quotations from various comedians:

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! --Groucho Marx

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. --Flip Wilson

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. --W. C. Fields

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. --Jack Benny

Working out is important. You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. --Ellen Degeneres.

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Rednecks on Sale

Billy Joe sees a sign in a Dallas store window and immediately comes up with an idea.

The sign says: "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair".

Billy Joe says to his brother, "Jim Bob, look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to Mississippi, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking ‘cause if they hear our accent, they might try to cheat us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl."

They go in and Billy Joe says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and ......"

The store owner interrupts him, "You're from Mississippi, aren't you?"

"Well...yes," says a surprised Billy Joe. "How do you know that?"

The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."

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Bumper Sticker Humor

We've all seen that occasional bumper sticker that tickles our funny bone. Here are a few that I have liked:

• Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

• Whisper my favorite words: "Let me buy it for you."

• Suburbia is where they tear out the trees, then name the streets after them.

• Stress is when you wake up screaming, then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

• Adults are big kids who owe money.

• Who are these kids and why are they calling me Dad?

• I pretend to work, and they pretend to pay me.

• You! Off of my planet!

• Errors have been made, but others will be blamed. Isn’t life grand?

• "Yes, I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?"

Redneck Pistol Duel

Oh yesss! This is the ultimate in Redneck thinking. Just 4 inches away from the rest of your life in jail or 4 inches away from the end of your life.



It is probably a hoax. Right after the gunshot and the man who is the target falls down and forward, look at the tree and you will see what appears to be a pole tacked onto the tree. My guess is they had some type of device send a charge through the pole to break the bottle to make it look like the bullet hit it.

Even so, it is a great example of how a redneck mind works, and I think it's funny. Give me your ideas about how you think it worked in the comments section.

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Dumb Blonde at a Gas Station Joke

A blonde drives into a gas station and asks for a "710."

All the male employees exchange puzzling looks at each other. Finally, one of them can not stand the embarrassment of not knowing what she is talking about and asks, "Lady, what's a 710?"

The woman answers "Come on, you know...It’s that thingy that’s located around the middle of the engine. I must have lost mine and now I need a new one right away."

"Well, what is this 710 for? What does it do?" another mechanic asks, admittedly embarrassed that he doesn’t know.

"Well guys...I don't know exactly it does, but I do know that it is located in the middle of the engine," the woman replies.

Everyone is completely puzzled, and none of them can understand what she is talking about. They all feel very awkward because they feel that men should know about the workings of a car's engine.

The first mechanic has no other choice than to give her a pen and paper and asks her to draw what it is that she is looking for.

The lady starts drawing a circle about three inches in diameter and then writes "710" in the center of that circle.

When the mechanics look at what she drew it all finally makes sense to them:


More Blonde humor...

Is Paris Hilton Tough Enough for Jail?

Well, it is time we dumped a little more on poor Paris Hilton, the billionaire heiress who is scheduled to enter jail on June 5th to serve a 45 day sentence for driving her Bentley with a suspended license.

Of course, any young woman who is as pretty as Paris is had better be prepared for the rigors of the big house. She certainly wants to avoid a situation where she cannot take care of herself in a confrontation with one of the tougher inmates.

Along that line, we have been well assured that there is no truth to the rumor that Paris attempted to obtain shower fight tips from Martha Stewart, another well connected billionaire, who was forced to suffer the indignities of living among the more common folk on a federal government sponsored incarceration. Paris still has time to learn the basics of survival from a self-defense instructor before June 5th, but she better not dally.

If there is any truth to the rumors of what goes in one of those institutions, Paris could be in for a rough ride.

It has also been said that Paris sought permission to videotape her conjugal visits. Imagine what that would do to her bad girl image if those tapes surfaced on the Internet. Or imagine the price a couple of convicts could get if they taped having their way with Paris. That would draw a pretty penny on some of the tabloid shows. Something like that could bring in something in the six figure range, and it wouldn’t hurt Paris’ image much either. Headlines that scream “bad girl is treated In a very bad way by some ‘bad’ inmates.” It is even possible that Paris’s publicist dreamt this whole event up so that the bad Paris Hilton suddenly would seem like a victim at the hands of a more vicious group.

But, of course, Paris could be-friend one of the tougher guards in order to enlist the services of a protector of the weak. She could easily afford to change the lifestyle of someone who went out of his way to watch out for her. You can bet that some in the media have been trying to buy their way into getting some photos or videos of her life in the penitentiary. Paris will need guards on her side just to fight off the prison paparazzi, who may go to extraordinary lengths to get the photo shots that will sell for the big bucks.

Just think of the publicity that this situation might develop. On one side you have the photo hungry media that would devour and quickly blow out of proportion any photos that might emerge from Paris’ prison exploits. Paris’ publicity people must be prepared to spin anything that surfaces from this incarceration situation.

The next few weeks may be very interesting as each side prepares its lines of defense and offense.

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Redneck and Australian Aborigine Love

Two Australian Aborigine guides were walking in the outback with a vacationing American redneck, when, suddenly, one of the Aborigines ran up a hill toward the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" the Aborigine yelled into the cave. Then he carefully listened, hoping for a special answer.

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he heard from the cave.

Tearing off his clothes, he ran into the cave. The redneck, looking puzzled, asked the other Aborigine what that was all about. Had the other Aborigine gone crazy?

"Oh no," replied the Aborigine. "It is a mating ritual custom. When Aborigine men see a cave, they holler, ‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ into the opening. If they get an answer from inside the cave, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."

Just then they saw another cave. The second Aborigine ran up to the opening of the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was the answer of "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from far inside the cave.

Aborigine number 2 tore off his clothes and darted into the cave.

After that, the redneck wandered around the outback alone until he came upon a great big cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Whoa, doggies! Look at the size of this cave! It is much bigger than the ones the Aborigines found. There must be a very fine woman waiting in this cave!"

As he stood in front of the opening, he hollered with all his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"

Eyes closed and grinning in anticipation, he soon heard the resounding answer he had hoped for, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!"

With a glint in his eyes and a huge smile on his face, he sped into the cave, ripping off his clothes while he ran.

The next day, the headline of the local newspaper read, "Naked Redneck Run Over By Freight Train."

More Redneck Humor...

Driving Humor

Here are some pointers about driving from George Carlin’s “Napalm and Silly Putty:”

Have you ever noticed, when you're driving, that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Here are a few basic points about driving. One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put them at ten o'clock and two o'clock.

Never mind that. I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. That gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm going.

More Driving Humor...

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Paris Hilton Road Construction Humor

Alas, Poor Paris Hilton! Here is a sign recently spotted at a road construction site. Money apparently does not solve all problems!



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Paris Hilton Jokes

Paris Hilton:

In case you haven’t heard, a Los Angeles County judge has sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail for driving with a suspended license.

How will Paris Hilton mentally prepare for her upcoming jail term?

Here’s a guess:

“Well, 45 days isn’t so bad. That’s not even a month.”

--Thanks to David Letterman

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Queen of England Jokes

Queen of England:

The Queen of England is visiting the United States this week. You know, she hasn’t been to America since 1991.

But she hasn’t missed much because nothing much has changed since then.

Back then a President Bush had us involved in a war in Iraq.

--Thanks to David Letterman


Since the Queen of England made a visit to the White House, President Bush arranged to honor her with a 21 gun salute.

Well, 22, really, if you count Vice President Cheney.

--Thanks to Jay Leno

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Redneck Graffiti Again

That Billy Bob is a real shark, he is.

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Priceless Video Humor

Be sure to watch this one to the end or you will miss the punchline. It is only slightly longer than one minute long. Plus it is not raunchy; rather, it is only mildly worse than PG rated.



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Alligator and Blonde Bar Joke

A guy goes into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He hoists his alligator up on the bar, turns to the bar’s patrons and says, "Ladies and gents, let me make you an offer. I will open this alligator's mouth and put my private parts inside. Then gator here will close his mouth for one minute. After that, he will open his mouth, and I will remove myself unscathed."

"And in return for being such a daredevil, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmurs its approval.

The man stands up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his unit in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closes his mouth and a loud gasp emerges from the crowd.

After one minute, the man, grabbing a beer bottle, raps the gator hard on the top of it's head. The alligator opens his mouth, after which the man removes himself completely unscathed as promised. The crowd cheers and the first of his free drinks is delivered.

The man stands up once again making another offer, "I will pay $100 to anyone who is willing to give it a try."

A hush falls over the crowd. After a short pause, a hand rises up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly says, "I'll try it, but only if you promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle to get me to open my mouth."

--Thanks to http://www.kaitaia.com/

More Barroom Jokes...

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Future Price of Gasoline

The future price of gasoline might be a bit scary.

More Photo Humor...

Tony the Tiger's Revenge

Here is a video of a caged tiger getting her revenge on mankind for keeping her from roaming free:



More Animal Humor...

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More About Grandchildren and Grandparents

Sometimes grandparents and grandchildren can add so much to our lives. Here are some precious quotes from grandchildren:

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like.

"In the winter, we used to skate outside on a pond. In the summer, we had a swing made from an automobile tire. My dad, who was your great grandfather, hung it from a tree in our back yard."

We also rode our own pony and picked wild raspberries in the woods in the late summer and fall."

The little granddaughter, wide-eyed in near astonishment, was taking all of this in. Finally she said to her grandmother, "Grandma, I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

--Thanks to butlerwebs.com

Grandson's First Funeral:

A five-year-old boy was attending his first funeral, which was for the burial of his maternal grandfather. It was a Catholic service in a church, and the priest was up in front of the congregation explaining what happens to one’s soul after death.

After taking it all in for awhile, the young grandson pulled on his father’s pants leg, pointed at the priest and asked, "Dad, is that God?"

Last story Copyright 2007. Seamus McCafferty. All rights reserved.

A Few Humorous Lessons From Life

Here are a few lessons one eventually learns from life:

• Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

• Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

• Never lick a steak knife.

• Never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

• There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

• There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

--Thanks to Dave Barry