More Humorous Quotes

Here is a handful of humorous quotes:

Bill Maher: CNN, to mark the fifth anniversary of 9/11, is going to be re-playing their original coverage of that day. Let's just hope that President Bush doesn't tune in and go, "Oh my God, they've done it again!."

Chico Marx: Well, who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?

Homer Simpson: Just once, I wish someone would call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene."

Jeff Foxworthy: Being a designated driver is not a desirable job. If you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

More Humorous Quotes...

Humorous Quotes

Here are a few humorous quotations from various comedians:

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! --Groucho Marx

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. --Flip Wilson

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. --W. C. Fields

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. --Jack Benny

Working out is important. You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. --Ellen Degeneres.

More Ellen Degeneres...

More Groucho Marx...

More Grandparent humor...

Man's Best Friend

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.

Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

--Thanks to Groucho Marx

More celebrity humor...

Not in My Club You Don't!

I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.

--Thanks to Groucho Marx