Saturday, May 26, 2007

Redneck Sister Graffiti

  • "Billy Ray's sister is also his step mom."
Well, that could be very confusing. "Mom, make her stop looking at me" would become "Mom, stop looking at me?"

Imagine Billy Ray bringing home his first girlfriend and introducing her to the 'family:' "Mary, I want you to meet my sister, my mom and dad's wife. No, that's not three people, that's just sis here."

And it gives a whole new meaning to the concept of "I want a girl, just like the girl that married dear old dad."

Okay, all of you folks who do not believe in evolution have to explain something that I do not understand. If humankind began with Adam and Eve, doesn't that mean that their kids had to intermarry. How else could the population expand? And, if that's true, then doesn't that condone incest?

The nuns never would explain that to me when I was a kid. They kept changing the subject, and I still don't get it to this day.

Any of you biblical fundamentalists are welcome to comment.

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Anonymous said...

The spin on this one is that it was ok until the population got big enough. Then it was outlawed. That's what I would say if I believed in the Bible :)

On a side note, and this is from your comment over on central snark, your entries are just fine and creative. Look what you did with this blog post, it went from a redneck joke to odd family connections to adam and eve with not a lot of words. That's impressive. :)

Anonymous said...

Adam and Eve's progeny did not commit incest because the Good Lord gave them a special dispensation. It wasn't really incest because God said it was okay.

McCafferty Himself said...

Well, Chris C, as my dear departed grandfather once said, "any man with enough insight to pay me a compliment is a very perceptive man, indeed."

A man of your exceedingly bright character will always be welcome at McCafferty's Pub. There will always be a pint of stout reserved with your name upon it. Please be sure to come back often.

McCafferty Himself said...

And that is just what it is, Chris--a spin. There is no logic to the concept that incest is okay for awhile, but then it is taboo after enough time passes.

It is a contradiction that the religious fundamentalists have not been able to explain.

"Well...if we cannot explain it away, we will have to confer a temporary dispensation."

Sounds a mite bogus to me.

Anonymous said...

Can it be a pale ale? Stouts are nice but not a big fan of them :)

It was nice of anon to prove the point so well. The odd thing is nothing is mentioned specifically of this mulligan in the bible.

And why would God fill the Earth with numerous amounts of animals but only start with two humans?

Which is also odd because in the beginning Adam and Eve have everything they need as far as food in the garden. Why populate the planet with all these animals? Especially when they supposedly go wild because Adam and Eve ate a tomato.

So God cast them out of the garden knowing they would do this and previously created tons of animals that would possibly attack and kill the only two humans on the planet once they were turned evil by the event above.

What if God cast out Adam and Eve and two minutes later they were both trampled upon and killed by a herd of elephants?

Or what if one died and one lived?

Does God say "hope you can asexually reproduce mo fo!"?

McCafferty Himself said...

Stout, ale, whatever we have is yours.

It is entirely possible that God had a Plan B. In fact, perhaps Adam and Eve were Plan B, and Plan A never panned out?

Our simple existence might be evidence that Plan A did not work. At least, that is what the nuns always told me when I was a kid. They said we were suffering now because Adam and Eve did not abide by Plan A.

As far as the wild herds trampling Adam and Eve, I think that is why God created semi-automatic pistols--to handle wayfaring herds. Of course, it was also to garner the support of the National Rifle Association and its generous political donations.

How could God run for political office without the financial support of such political action committees?

"Hello, I am Jesus, and I am running for God. I would really like you to vote for me. If you elect me for God, I will put a chicken in every pot and a 9 mil glock under every pillow."

It is because we have the need for glocks and Smith and Wessons that I am convinced that we are definitely Plan B at the very least. We may even be further down the line, like Plan G or Plan H even.

The original Adam and Eve may have very well been trampled by a herd of whatever, and God decided to start over. It's just too bad he didn't quite get it right.

Anonymous said...

hopefully you get notification when someone comments on older posts because I wanted to give you props on the inspiration for a column I just posted.

I took the premise you offered here about how perhaps the Adam and Eve we know wasn't the first.

What if there was one last attempt to make the perfect human after so many failures?