Showing posts with label Jay Leno. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jay Leno. Show all posts

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Redneck Photoshop - Pantyless Britney Spears and Others

Daisy, over at the charming blog, Smiling with Daisy, provided me with an inkling of an idea a while back when she blogged a post about sites that had online software which gave you with the ability to manipulate photographs in numerous ways. Stop in to see Daisy, when you get a chance because she has a family type blog that looks at life from a funny, warm and wholesome perspective.

Well, kudos to Daisy because her post was the genesis of this post. She manipulated a few photos with some interesting results, so I wondered what the results might be if Bubba, one of our resident rednecks, took a turn at manipulating photos of celebrities. Instead of using online software, Bubba used Paint Shop Pro, a program which is similar to Photoshop, but a whole lot cheaper.

Bubba took some normal celebrity photos and changed all of the colors in the photo to just one color, such as silver, gold and red. Here are some of the results:

Jay Leno:













Jay Leno, star of the Tonight Show, has an very strong jaw that came out even stronger when his photo was changed to silver. The result is that Ol' Jay has a determined but simpler look in silver than he does in real life. In fact, Jay looks like he would fit in very well with Bubba and his redneck friends.

Jay's new look reminds us a lot of Gomer Pyle, from the TV show back in the 1960's. Hey! Gomer! Yeah, Ol' Redneck Jay looks like a Gomer and is a good fit in his silver makeover.

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Jud Tylor:



Jud Tylor is one remarkable looking young actress, who was most recently seen with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in Charlie Wilson's War.

Bubba took a photo of Jud from the cover of Stuff magazine, where she looked so very hot, steamy even. He converted her to silver and came up with a hot Jud Tylor, whose bosom looks even bigger if that is possible. But she also looks a bit dangerous. Her hair seems to have changed to scarecrow straw, and her eyes look right through you. Go ahead, look into the eyes of the silver Jud. This girl is scary!

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Carson Daly:
















For the unaware, Carson Daly hosts a talk show called Last Call with Carson Daly, which airs after the Conan O'Brien Show, which is on after the Jay Leno show. Carson's show comes on around 12-2 AM depending on what TV market you are in.

Carson sports an extremely juvenile looking mustache that makes him look like he's about 16-years-old at the most. He usually wears a suit with a tie that is loose around his neck and his shirts are generally not tucked in even when wearing a suit. His look totally sucks, but some of the teens and 20 somethings seem to like him, which is the market he is after.

When Bubba went to work on Carson, he gave him a fat lip along with a small hole in the end of his nose, which fits right in with the teenage audience that Carson aspires to attract because that age group often seems to be piercing something on their faces.

The silver look made Carson's teeth appear to be decayed, which is a common look from the silver makeover.

At least the silver made Carson's mustache appear more like an adult, but Carson turned down my request to be my friend on MySpace, which means he is now rather low on my admired list.

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Angelina Jolie:














































Bubba went whole hog on the stunning Angelina Jolie, converting her into silver, gold, and hot red. In the gold and red, she looks like she's in black face, ala one of those movies from the 1930's. But in the silver, she resembles a witch doctor from a Tarzan movie from the 1950's.

What a waste of a beautiful actress, turning her into a witch doctor. Now if she were a high priestess, that would be a fitting makeover for Angelina.

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George Clooney:





















Bubba made over the peripatetic 47-year-old actor, George Clooney, in both silver and gold. In the gold photo, the makeover results in George's teeth appearing like he just finished eating a package of oreos. Got a sweet tooth George?

All of you women know that George, who is still a bachelor by the way, looks remarkably good in silver, gold or any other color of the rainbow.

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Britney Spears Kissing Madonna:














Remember the infamous kiss onstage between Madonna and Britney Spears? Madonna, who has made an entire career based on bizarre and anti-social behavior, orchestrated this little shocker which initiated an international discussion of girl-on-girl action.

For some reason, Bubba especially enjoyed this little makeover, and enjoyed it a little too much at that, I might add. The final products both look a lot like statues to me. Notice, though, how Madonna appears like she has bare arms in the makeovers as opposed to the black sleeves in the original photo.

Because we anticipated this photo would result in a more interesting effect than it did, we decided to add the piece de resistance:

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Britney Spears Bottomless:


















This is not an x-rated blog and we have no desire to shock anyone, so we chose the less revealing of the two photos on the Net displaying the pantyless Britney Spears for all to see. Plus we have strategically placed an opaque little rectangle on the photo in order to maintain our PG rating.

The silver makeover of Britney sans panties actually makes it look like she is wearing some. How does that work anyway? The makeover is far less shocking than the original photo. Evidently, some things were meant to be observed with the benefit of the full color spectrum, just as nature intended. Go figure.

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That does it for this version of our Redneck Photoshop. If you like it, let us know and we may do another, or not.

More Britney Spears
More Jay Leno
More George Clooney
More Carson Daly
More Jud Tylor
More Angelina Jolie

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Friday, September 14, 2007

More Irish Drinking Stories, David Letterman, Jay Leno

Here is another Irish drinking story along with a few more gems from Jay Leno and David Letterman:

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scot were sitting in a bar.

The ambiance was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food quite exceptional.

"Ye'ken," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why, in Glasgow we have a bar named McTavish's. There, the barman goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks, he will buy the 5th for you on the house."

"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local pub, The Red Lion, the barman will buy your 3rd drink after you buy the first two."

"Oh, that's nuthin," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin we have Driscoll's Bar. The moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you one drink, then another, and all the drinks you like, in fact. Then, once you've finally had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see to it that you get laid. All on the house."

"And," replied the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"

"Well, not me me'self, personally, no," said the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister."

****

From Jay Leno:

Columnist Liz Smith reported that the Hillary Clinton campaign has asked Paris Hilton to campaign for her. Everyone wanted to know who asked Paris. Of course, it was Bill.

****

From David Letterman:

Jenna Bush is getting married, and it is going to be an expensive wedding. George is awarding the $3 billion contract to Halliburton.

More Letterman:

You know about the military surge in Iraq. Well, Senator Larry Craig said, I am feeling a surge of my own.

And Letterman again:

Rosie O’Donnell has a new book out. There are three chapters about Bush. Then there is one about the president.

More Leno...

More Letterman...

More Irish Drinking Stories...

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Lindsay Lohan Faces One Year Jail Term

Lindsay Lohan could face as much as one year in jail from her most recent middle of the night escapade in Los Angeles. Lohan is facing two DUIs, driving with a suspended license, leaving the scene of an accident, and felony possession of an illegal drug. She is in big trouble to say the least.

The video below includes a report on the possible jail sentences plus Rob Schneider's recent appearance in drag (as Lindsay Lohan) on the Leno show.



More Lindsay Lohan...

More Jay Leno...

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Saturday, June 9, 2007

Paris Hilton Better Off in Jail?

If you haven't heard by now, it's history. Paris Hilton is back in jail.

Talk about injustice! Can anyone possibly believe that our favorite Parisian deserves to be back in the cooler? Of course not! Here is a photo of Paris' estate in Bel-Air, California. Just look at that dump.

How could any judge possibly believe that living there for 40 days and 40 nights is anything but torture?

If you are late to the party, the LA County Sheriff had decided that being confined to this Bel-Air hell hole would be sufficient punishment for Paris Hilton's transgressions against society. And he was so right.

Can you imagine lying in bed in your second floor master bedroom and you suddenly have a yen for a bottle of Perrier? You would have to walk down an entire flight of stairs to the kitchen just to quench your thirst. What a shocking way to live!

All Parisites (Paris Hilton supporters) should understand that our favorite Parisian is so much better off residing in the county cooler. It is cruel and inhuman punishment to expect anyone to suffer through the indignities of living in Bel-Air.

Now, at least, Paris will have an on-site staff to cater to her every need, which is the way it should be. Paris is just too special to be forced into any lifestyle that does not include a staff to lock her cell door after her.

Actually, all of the to-do about Paris Hilton's latest exploits is an excellent boon to the nation's economy. Look at all of the employment she is creating. You have scores of reporters covering her every move. Look at all of the paparazzi gathered outside Paris' estate in the photo above. Without Paris these people would be out of work.

Paris has also created extra jobs at the David Letterman and Jay Leno shows. Both shows have been hiring additional comedy writers because the current staff simply cannot write jokes fast enough. They need more writers just to keep up with the demand for the jokes.

And people around the world are beginning to make fun of the Los Angeles justice system, which Jimmy Kimmel was quick to defend. Said Jimmy, "I don’t see any other city throwing Paris Hilton in jail."

Now that Paris is back in jail, we can return to making fun of how poorly she was doing while in the slammer. Here is a video of David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons why Paris isn't doing so well in Prison:



10. Suffering from insomnia because she’s not used to sleeping in the same bed every night.

9. Too depressed to participate in prison riots

8. Desperate for intimacy, she made a boyfriend out of a stuffed laundry bag.

7. She's ballooned to 93 pounds.

6. Only time she said, "That's hot!" was during delousing.

5. Knitted a tea cozy from rat fur (sorry — that joke was left over from an old Martha Stewart list)

4. Only call she received was from Eddie Brill asking for her out cue.

3. Was overheard muttering something about voting for Kucinich.

2. Started a pen pal romance with Phil Spector.

1. At last night's conjugal she seemed distant.

More Paris Hilton Humor...

More David Letterman Humor...

More Jay Leno Humor...

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Friday, June 8, 2007

No More Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton is out of jail in record time. Five days and she's out!

Do you still think the rich and famous get treated the same as the rest of us? How many poor African-American women get released from a 45 day jail sentence in only five Days? Zero!

How many poor Puerto Rican women get released from a 45 day jail sentence in only five days? Zero!

How many poor Hispanic women get released from a 45 day jail sentence in only five days? Zero!

How much confidence does this second generation son of Irish immigrants now have in the US legal system?

You guessed it! I don't even have to say it. I wonder how much red tape there is in emigrating to Ireland?

Do you think somebody was paid off? Oh no! That never happens.

Here's a little of what David Letterman had to say:

"She wasn't in long enough to sober up."

"Now Paris is under house arrest on a four acre Bel-Air estate. That will teach her."

Jay Leno asked: "How did the other women treat her? They cursed at her, spit on her and pulled her hair. They treated her just like Lindsay Lohan does."

This certainly makes me want to buy one of her CDs or DVDs.

More Paris Hilton Humor...

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Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Queen of England Jokes

Queen of England:

The Queen of England is visiting the United States this week. You know, she hasn’t been to America since 1991.

But she hasn’t missed much because nothing much has changed since then.

Back then a President Bush had us involved in a war in Iraq.

--Thanks to David Letterman


Since the Queen of England made a visit to the White House, President Bush arranged to honor her with a 21 gun salute.

Well, 22, really, if you count Vice President Cheney.

--Thanks to Jay Leno

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Smart Push-ups

A recently released study has determined that exercise makes you smarter. Can you imagine what President George W. Bush would be like if he didn’t work out?

--Thanks to Jay Leno

More Jay Leno Humor...

More George Bush Humor...

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Monday, March 26, 2007

Another Reason for Deer to Avoid the Headlights

A Wisconsin judge just sentenced a man to a year in jail for having sex with a dead deer he found at the side of the road. The media decided not to release the man’s name. Instead they are calling him John Doe.

--Thanks to Jay Leno

More Jay Leno Humor...

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Friday, March 23, 2007

Disney Princess

Disney Studios announced that they will produce their first movie with a black princess. It’s nice to see that Michael Jackson is working again.

--Thanks to Jay Leno

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

Michael Jackson and the Troops

Here's the latest on Michael Jackson. Did you hear that he was recently in Japan entertaining the troops. Of course, they were Cub Scout troops.

--Courtesy of Jay Leno


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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Psychic Lottery

Here is a quote from Jay Leno:

"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?"

More Jay Leno humor...

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