Humorous Quotes

Here are a few humorous quotations from various comedians:

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! --Groucho Marx

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. --Flip Wilson

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. --W. C. Fields

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. --Jack Benny

Working out is important. You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. --Ellen Degeneres.

More Ellen Degeneres...

More Groucho Marx...

More Grandparent humor...