We have three blonde jokes today in the form of three videos. It should be noted that no blondes were harmed or severely injured during the making of these videos, even the blonde waitress. However, the blonde in the first video was severely embarrassed.
Our first video is at the Miss Universe pageant. Imagine: you have been through so many beauty pageants that you feel like an old hand at it even though you are still not much older than a kid. You finally make it to the Miss Universe pageant for your real shot at the big time. You walk down the runway smiling and feeling confident, when suddenly...
Our second video shows a blonde waitress cleaning up a bar after hours, something that happens every night in bars all over the globe. This time, however, things went a little differently.
Our final video is just pure blonde in action. Watch:
For your edification and enjoyment, may I present to you another pack of Irish drinking stories, Irish blessings and Irish proverbs:
Paddy was trapped in a bog and thought himself to be a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly happened to wander by.
"Help! Help me!" Paddy yelled, "Oi'm sinking!"
“Don't you worry yourself, Paddy," said Mick assuredly. "Next to the Strong Man Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest lad in Erin, I am. Oi'll pull ye right out of that mess, I will."
With that, Big Mick leaned over grabbing Paddy's hand and he pulled and he pulled, but to no avail.
Two more times, Big Mick pulled, but still no luck. After the last attempt, Mick said to Paddy, “Sure, but Oi cannot do it, Paddy. The Strong Man Muldoon could do it alone, maybe, but Oi'll have to go get us some help."
As Mick was preparing to leave to get help, Paddy called out, "Mick! Mick! Do ye think it would help if Oi pulled me feet out of the stirrups?"
*****
It s no use carrying an umbrella if your shoes are leaking
*****
Leprechauns, castles good luck and laughter, lullabies, dreams and love ever after. Poems and songs with pipes and drums, a thousand welcomes when anyone comes… That’s the Irish for you!
*****
This transcript of official Court testimony reportedly occurred in County Cork court, deep in Munster, Ireland:
Said the court Solicitor, “Now, if you please, Mr. O’Flaherty, at the scene of the accident, did you tell the Garda officer that you had never felt better in your life?”
O'Flaherty, a farmer, replied, “That's correct, sir. Yes, I did.”
The Solicitor then asked, “Well, Mr. O'Flaherty, would you please tell the court how can it be that you are now claiming to be seriously injured when my client's car hit your cart?”
O'Flaherty replied, “When the Garda arrived, he walked over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him without even a how do you do.”
“Then he walked over to Darcy, my dear dog, my lifelong companion, who was also quite badly hurt, and shot him.”
“So, when the Garda asked me how I felt, under the circumstances, I thought that it was a wise choice of words to say I'd never felt better in me life.”
*****
The best way to keep loyalty in a man's heart is to keep money in his purse.
*****
A group of hunters, out on holiday, were driving along searching for a place to hunt, when they pulled their vehicle into a farmer's yard in County Waterford, Munster, Ireland. Sean, the driver, approached the farmhouse to ask the farmer for his permission to hunt on his land.
The owner, an old farmer, said, “Sure you can hunt, but would you be doing me a favor, sir? My old donkey standing over there is 20 years old now. She is deathly sick with cancer, but I just don't have the heart to kill her meself. Would you do it for me?”
Sean answered, “Of course I will.”
While returning to the car, however, Sean decided to play a trick on his hunting buddies. He got into the car and said nothing.
Naturally, his buddies anxiously asked if the farmer had given his permission to hunt.
Sean said, “No, that old farmer said we can't hunt here. So I'm going to teach that old man a lesson he won't forget.”
With that, Sean lowered the window on his side of the car, pointed his gun out the window and shot the donkey. Then he shouted, “To be sure, that will teach the old timer.”
At that moment a second shot rang out from the passenger side of the vehicle and one of his hunting mates yelled, “And me, begorra, I got the cow.”
*****
Walls for the wind, And a roof for the rain, And drinks beside the fire. Laughter to cheer you And those you love near you, And all that your heart may desire!
*****
Since it is Christmas, a fitting video is "O Holy Night" sung by Celtic Woman:
This first video should never happen, but it did. The incident took place in Ankara, Turkey, and the ambulance crew blamed the ambulance doors for not operating properly.
The second video is absolutely shocking. How anyone could perform that way on a job where someone’s life is at risk is truly unbelievable. The incident was reported in France and here is the original French account followed by a loose translation:
La vidéo se passe dans un tunnel de Moscou, au début une ambulance va perdre un patient. Une trentaine de voitures vont passer à côté de l'homme allongé sur la route sans s'arrêter. Ce n'est que quelques minutes plus tard que l'ambulance va faire demi tour en prenant le tunnel en contre sens pour récuperer le passager manquant.
Translation: The video occurs in a tunnel from Moscow, at the beginning an ambulance will lose a patient. About thirty cars will pass without stopping near the man lying on the road. Then only a few minutes later the ambulance will turn around traveling through the tunnel against traffic to recover the missing passenger.
I believe that the language being spoken in the video is Russian.
The first two videos are included to put you in the proper frame of mind for the third video, which made me laugh out loud. It is absolutely hilarious.
Our first image portrays true dedication to keeping a neat and clean house, however, I would be scared to death if that were my mum out there on that ledge. How should one react to discovering that his mum exhibits behavior as redneck as venturing out onto narrow ledges above the hustle, bustle and din of the city anyway?
Hey Seamus, I saw your mom out on the window ledge the other day. Is she suicidal or what?
No, she’s just highly compulsive about cleanliness, that’s all.
Most of us appreciate a clean window, but our appreciation rarely extends to the window washer. I would hope, however, that the sight of a gray-haired, little old lady in her housecoat on an 18 inch wide ledge washing windows would at least elicit some respect for her devotion to keeping her world as transparent as possible.
Our second window washer also displays a single minded enthusiasm for her work that one rarely encounters any more. Most workers are limited to the use of merely two hands to finish their chores, but this resourceful lass appears to have learned how to keep herself abreast, so to speak, of any developments she may encounter.
Mark down one more reason to embrace breast augmentation surgery because wearing a D cup is clearly an advantage for anyone contemplating tackling this method of window cleaning.
Our third window washer must certainly have expected to draw a crowd, considering that she failed to properly dress for the occasion.
The locale is most probably Europe or South America because this type of attire will generally get you busted in the US. Europeans are much more tolerant toward such exposure than Americans.
Which brings up the subject of our video, where again exposure, or perhaps how much is too much, is the issue. The voyeurs in the video most probably feel there is no such thing as too much exposure.
Once again we have the pleasure of posting some funny Irish drinking stories, some heart warming Irish blessings and insightful Irish proverbs:
Poor Mrs. Molly McGuire entered the local newspaper establishment to pay for the obituary for her dear departed husband, Peter.
Said the kindly newspaperman the charge was a dollar a word and he remembered Peter and wasn't it too bad about him passing away though.
Molly thanked him for his kind words, but bemoaned the fact that she had but two dollars to her name. So she wrote out the obituary, "Peter died."
The newspaperman said he thought that old Peter deserved a mite more than that, and, yes, he would give her three more words at no extra charge.
Mrs. Molly thanked him for his generosity during her time of need and rewrote the obituary: "Peter died. Boat for sale."
*****
You'll never plow a field by turning it over in your mind.
*****
A constable pulls up two Irish drunks, then says to the first one, "Okay then, Seamus. What's your name and address?"
The first drunk replies, "My name isn’t Seamus. I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address, thank you very much."
The constable turns his attention to the second drunk and asks, "Okay then, Seamus. It’s your turn, What is your name and address?"
The second drunk replies, "My name isn’t Seamus either. I'm Sean O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."
*****
May the love and protection Saint Patrick can give Be yours in abundance As long as you live.
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How do you sink an Irish submarine?
Knock on the hatch.
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What butter and whiskey will not cure there's no cure for.
*****
A solicitor was questioning his new client, "Well, Mrs. O'Hara, it’s a divorce you want, is it? So tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?"
"Oh, no!" exclaimed the Missus. " We have no grudge. Sure enough now, it’s a carport we have, it is."
So the solicitor tried again. "Well now, does the man beat you up, does he?"
"Oh, land sakes no!" said Mrs. O'Hara, looking somewhat puzzled. "Oi'm always the first one out of bed, I am."
Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial practices?"
"Well now, he does play the flute, he does. But I don't think he knows a thing about the connubial,” answered the Missus.
The solicitor was getting desperate, but he pushed on nonetheless. "What I'm trying to find out, Mrs. O’Hara, is what grounds do you have."
"Bless you, sir. But, we live in a flat, to be sure. There’s not even a window box, let alone grounds, sir."
"Mrs. O'Hara," the solicitor said in a state of considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?"
"Ah, well now," said the lady, "Sure it's because the man cannot hold an intelligent conversation."
*****
A remarkable gift to the world is Irish culture as presented by Celtic Woman. Here is a video of The Last Rose of Summer.
The following video is of a redneck who actually sets himself on fire with the help of his so called “friends,” a word used loosely in this context.
When you are still at that immature age where you continue to make questionable decisions, it is probably a wise idea not to listen to your friends who are trying to convince you to set yourself on fire so they can video tape it.
If you get a phone call something like this, stop hanging out with this "friend:"
"Hello, Billy Bob? Yeah, this is Jimbo here. Say, Billy Bob! We’re gonna have a little barbeque tomorra night, so why don’t you come by wearing some heavy clothes and bring some barbeque starter fluid with ya."
"Why? Wall, cuz’ we want to impress the girls by settin’ you onfar and then video tapin’ it."
"What? Ahh, no! There’s no danger. We’ll take good care o you, Billy Bob. You know thet. Okay? See ya then."
You should know that they use the “f” word a couple of times in this one, so you have been warned.
In the next video a couple of racing Porsches bite the dust, which is truly a waste of some fine vehicles.
Our final video shows yet another redneck who is a motorcycle enthusiast who lays waste to his bike through his own poor planning. How do these rednecks get by in a world where they make such huge blunders anyway?
The theme today is being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and the above feline has most definitely hit both wrongs directly on the nose. This is either one remarkably brave cat, one very stupid one, or one very unlucky one.
Our location is probably an obedience school where these pups’ ability to obey their masters’ commands regardless of the temptation to do otherwise is being tested. If only one of those German shepherds loses it, however, they will all lose it, and our poor little kitty is toast.
Yes, Hans, you did see a puddy tat. The begging question is: can you ignore it? Several of the Fidos have that look in their eye, as in “Hey, there’s dinner. Let‘s eat.”
The real question here is how many cats do they lose when the dogs’ obedience is being put to the test? Because this kitty will most certainly need all nine of its lives.
Okay, perhaps the most dangerous part of skydiving is not necessarily whether or not the chute opens.
If this skydiving enthusiast survives this encounter with nature, will he retain his enthusiasm about jumping again? This may be his supreme test about whether he continues to participate in the sport he loves.
I know what you are thinking. It’s a Photoshop moment. If it is, then it is a very good one. Notice the parachutist’s reflection in the water. It is a much less defined reflection and is right where it should be.
This photo looks plenty real to me, and I do not believe that those crocs are going through obedience school training either.
That leaves pilot error or else we have one very gutsy skydiver. Regardless, you could not pay me enough to be in this guy’s chutes right now.
The only way our man can get out of this situation is if someone is standing behind the scenes with a boat or air lift ready to rescue our danger junkie at the last moment.
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The term “freak accident” may be a euphemism here. This is just plain weird. The death of Od is truly quite odd. I think everyone wanted to say that so I just got it out of the way.
Have you ever swallowed a gnat on a humid summer evening? This situation is something like that, except on a much grander scale.
My question is “Did Od have to die.” Why couldn’t they have immediately shot Hilda the hippo and gutted her? Od would have been in her belly only a couple of minutes if they had acted right away.
It is because Hilda was probably worth more to the circus than Od was. Once again, money is the determining factor about who lives and who dies.
*****
The following video contains animal bloopers of a far less dire nature.
President George W. Bush and Condoleezza Rice are sitting in a bar.
A customer enters the bar and asks the bartender, "Isn't that George Bush and Condi Rice sitting over there?"
The bartender replies, "Yes, sir, it sure is."
So the newcomer walks over to the pair, saying, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you two doing in here?"
Bush answers, "We're planning World War III."
And the customer asks, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush replies, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big breasts."
The customer exclaims, "A blonde with big breasts?" "Why would you kill a blonde with big breasts?"
Bush turns to Rice, saying, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!"
*****
Blonde in First Class
A commercial airplane is en route to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
A flight attendant sees her switch seats, so she politely informs the woman that she must return to economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful. I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
Repeated attempts by the flight attendant prove unsuccessful at convincing the blonde to move. The attendant enters the cockpit to inform the pilot and co-pilot about the situation.
The co-pilot goes to first class to talk to the woman and also explains why she must move. Once again the woman replies, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful. I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
After returning to the cockpit the co-pilot suggests that they should have the police arrest the woman when they land.
The pilot replies, "Wait a minute! You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde, so I speak blonde fluently."
The pilot leaves the cockpit going back to the blonde illegally sitting in first class and whispers quietly into her ear.
She says, "Oh, no! I'm sorry." Then she quickly and quietly returns to her seat in the economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask the pilot what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
The pilot replies, "I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."
*****
One Blonde To Another
A blonde was having major financial difficulties, so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
She went to a local park and grabbed a small boy taking him behind a tree. Then she wrote the following note: "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money.”
“Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the old oak tree in the park at 7 AM sharp." It was signed, "The Blonde."
The blonde pinned the note inside the lad’s jacket and then told him to go straight home.
The very next morning, the blonde returned to the park at exactly 7:01 AM. She found the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the old oak tree, exactly as she had instructed.
Inside the bag she found the following note: "Here is your money, but I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
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And, of course, we couldn't quit without a blonde video:
This Sri Lankan elephant definitely appears to be ticked, as you can plainly see as he takes out his anger on this mini-bus. Sadly, elephants on the rampage like this are becoming a rather common phenomenon in Asia.
The situation plays something like this: Man encroaches on traditional pachyderm territory, so the elephants move further into the jungle to avoid contact with man. Well, you can hardly blame them for that, now can you?
The problem is that man has been encroaching on an ever increasing basis, and the elephants have fewer and fewer viable areas to retreat to.
But what has been setting the elephants off on rampages like the one in the following video is a combination of dwindling food supplies and plentiful rice beer. Farmers make huge batches of rice beer for personal consumption and for sale. As elephants venture into a village in search of food, they may happen upon a farmer’s rice beer still.
The elephants end up with too much of a good thing after chugging down the home brewed beer. Then, like some homo sapiens, they get mean and ornery once they are drunk. The result is what you see in the photo and the video.
Villagers all over Asia are concerned about the problem and have even tried to bring in outside animal experts to help them address the issue.
One of the experts has been Paris Hilton, who has not hesitated to express her opinion on the matter. To clarify matters for you, Paris knows nothing about elephants, but she does know quite a lot about imbibing to excess and is definitely an expert on that subject.
The media have been anxiously awaiting what remarkable words of wisdom Paris will utter to help all of Asia solve this tricky dilemma. So, Paris, what do we do with these alcoholic elephants?
“We need to stop making alcohol available to them,” said the 26-year-old starlet.
Wow! That is so simple it is profound. Obviously, no one else ever thought of that! Of course, it may take a while to locate a bouncer who is able to eighty six one of these husky fellas from any drinking establishment, let alone a homemade still. But we’ll advertise the position on Craig’s List to find the right job candidates.
From a more practical standpoint, what really needs to happen is to get those beer swigging pachyderms into rehab. Now this is a subject that Paris knows well. The plan would be to recruit Paris, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears to counsel these wayward beasts prevailing upon them to change their decadent ways and rehabilitate themselves into munificent members of jungle society.
Paris, LL and BS must convince the brutes that they owe it to society to become positive influences for social change.
Our three musketeers could set up an academy for wayward elephants in Asia in a manner similar to what Oprah Winfrey has done for gifted young girls in South Africa. This modern day celebrity version of Larry, Moe and Curly could get the elephants on a 12-step program that would revolutionize Asian jungle law.
No more elephant rampages in the night and no more swilling beer till all hours. The problem is almost solved already. And to think we owe all of this progress on the issue to our dear Paris.
When we first saw her Internet porn video way back when, we just knew that girl was meant for greatness.
It is time again for another gaggle of Irish drinking stories, proverbs and blessings:
Even a tin knocker will shine on a dirty door.
*****
Poor Paddy was found dead, lying prostrate in his own back yard. Since the weather was a bit on the warm side, the wake was held down to just two days, to insure that his mortal remains would not take a bad turn.
Finally his friends laid him in his coffin, nailed it shut & started their way down the hill into the churchyard. Since it was a long, sloping path and the mourners were appropriately tipsy, one fellow lurched into the gatepost as they entered the graveyard.
Suddenly a loud knocking came from inside the coffin. Paddy was alive!
They opened it and up sat Paddy, wide eyed and breathing, to be sure! And they all said, “Sure, it's a miracle of God!”
They all rejoiced, went back and had a few more drinks. But later that day, the poor lad actually died. Paddy really passed away this time. Stone cold dead, he was.
They bundled him back into his box. As they huffed and puffed down the hill the very next morning, the priest said, "Careful now, boys; mind ye don't bump the gatepost again."
*****
The older the fiddle the sweeter the tune.
*****
Note for the following story: a budgie is an English colloquialism for parakeet or bird.
Flanagan entered a pet shop and asked how many budgies (parakeets) were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner.
"Give us the lot" said Flanagan, who bought all of the birds.
He next went to the tailor’s and had his tailor sew 99 pockets into his jacket. Next, he put a budgie in each pocket, climbed to the top of the Post Office Tower and jumped off.
After hitting the ground with an enormous smack, he lay there groaning. Eventually, a passer-by stopped and asked him what had happened.
"I don't know sir," replied Flanagan. "But that's the last time I try that budgie jumping."
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A turkey never voted for an early Christmas
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One day Mrs. O'Rourke felt rather sickly so she went to the doctor for a look at (an old Irish expression).
After examining her the doctor said, "Well now, Mrs. O'Rourke, I'm perplexed about your condition. However, if you bring me a urine specimen in the morning I can tell exactly what's wrong."
Mrs. O'Rourke went home and asked her husband, "The doctor wants me to bring him a urine specimen in the morning, but I don't know what a urine specimen is. What am I to do?"
Mr. O'Rourke replied, "I don't know. But I think you should go see Mrs. O'Toole. She'll know what to do."
So, Mrs. O'Rourke walked down the road to Mrs. O'Toole's home. But she returned a few minutes later with her clothes torn, an eye blackened, with bruises all over her body, and with her hair tangled as if it were a bird’s nest.
Shocked, Mr. O'Rourke gasped, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, woman! What happened to ye?"
"I went to see Mrs. O'Toole and asked her what a urine specimen was.”
“She said 'Go P*ss in a bottle, woman.’”
“So, I said 'Go sh*t in yer hat !’”
“And the fight was on."
*****
May you have… A song in your heart A smile on your lips And nothing but joy At your finger tips.
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If you put a silk dress on a goat he is a goat still.
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If you have not seen Riverdance, the Irish dance phenomenon that has taken over the globe, you are missing out. Give a look at this video:
McCafferty's Pub - a collection of video humor, jokes, funny stories, photos and anecdotes. Special sections are devoted to redneck humor, celebrity humor, grandchildren humor, humorous videos, barroom humor, clean men's room humor and a lot more. If nothing else, you will leave us a bit refreshed.
The good Lord created only two kinds of people in the world: those who are Irish and those who wish they were.
Resep Soto Ayam Surabaya
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menjadi salah satu kuliner favorit kebanyakan masyarakat Indonesia. Meski
secara tam...
