Another sample of grandparent and grandchildren stories:
A grandmother was observing her granddaughter, Sarah, who was drawing with her crayons. The grandmother could plainly see that the young child was hard at work.
As little Sarah was working diligently, the grandmother asked her what she was drawing.
Sarah replied, “I'm drawing God.”
The grandmother paused, saying, “But, Sarah darling, no one knows what God looks like.”
Sarah replied, “They will in a minute.”
More grandchildren humor...
Here are some photos I found at different sites on the net of Paris Hilton being released from jail. Look at them now, because the lawyers will probably be yelling to take them down due to copyright issues.
This 26-year-old socialite looks pretty happy to be free at this point. Here is Paris as she walks out of the jail house.
is what Forbes and the telegraph.co.uk in Great Britain said Paris has earned in recent years:
Our favorite Parisian, Paris Hilton, is wasting no time getting back into party mode. The Times of London is reporting online that Rick and Kathy Hilton, Paris’ parents, are planning a huge bash at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas after her release from the slammer on Tuesday.
Kathy Hilton is reportedly “seeking sponsors” for Paris’ welcome home party in Caesars’ casino. It appears that we now know where Paris learned her yen for lavish parties. When you are “seeking sponsors” for your coming home bash, it is unlikely that it will be a small family affair.
Hollywood.com, on the other hand, is reporting that Kathy Hilton said she is planning only a time at the family home for Paris to “decompress.”
And, according to the Associated Press, Paris is scheduled to be Larry King’s guest for one hour on Wednesday, June 27th. There had been rumors that Paris was to receive as much as one million dollars to be interviewed on the Today Show on NBC. ABC also was rumored to have Barbara Walters interview Paris.
However, CNN’s spokesperson, Bridget Leininger, confirmed that Paris will be on “Larry King Live” on Wednesday. CNN has stated that Paris is not receiving any compensation for the interview.
If the party rumors are true, hopefully, Lindsay Lohan will be released from her
rehab session at Mailbu’s Promises addiction clinic by the time Paris’ party rolls around so that she would be able to attend the gala. But that is probably unlikely.
Lindsay had to cancel her own birthday bash scheduled for July 2nd at PURE nightclub in Las Vegas because of her stay at Promises. Paris will undoubtedly not wait to party hearty because she has denied herself any indulgence since she entered the slammer the night of June 3rd.
23 days without indulging is difficult for any addict, so you should rest assured that Paris is ready to party. It seems that her parents appear ready, willing and able to help her obtain that goal.
It sounds a bit like a broken record, doesn’t it? Paris ends up in the cooler because she violates her probation which started with a DUI. Now it appears she is all set to do it all over again.
Some things never change.
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Paris Hilton Graffiti...
Paris Hilton is scheduled to be released from prison on Tuesday, June 26th, the early release will be her reward for her good behavior while incarcerated.
It was originally reported by “The New York Post” that Paris had landed a one million dollar payday for an NBC Today show interview after her release, however, NBC has denied this rumor. She was also rumored to be scheduled to be interviewed by Barbara Walters of ABC, but ABC has also denied that report.
It is certainly possible that the two networks were competing for the first post prison Paris Hilton interview but then backed off because of negative public reaction. ABC News and Reuters are reporting that all three major networks are denying that any one of them intended to interview our favorite Parisian; however, it is more likely that they were simply testing the waters to gauge public reaction to the concept.
When public reaction turned negative toward a celebration of her release from the cooler, the networks probably thought better of their plan to reward Paris and her Parasites (supporters) with even greater media attention. It is very likely, however, that Paris will be able to turn this jail time into a hefty payday. Her name is now a household word, and dollars usually follow celebrity in the good old USA. A smaller media entity will probably make the jump to touting Paris’ release with an interview or TV show of some sort. As long as the payoff is under a million dollars and they are discrete about the affair, the uproar might be kept to a minimum.
“The Washington Post” reported on Saturday that “People” magazine confirmed that it has cut a deal with Getty Images for first photos of Paris’ release. “The New York Post” has reported that deal could be worth as much as $300,000.
In an issue related to Paris’ prison release, the international liquor consumption rankings were recently released. The USA wound up in 40th place internationally when it comes to liquor consumption. The US used to be in first place in past years, and for years drank in the kudos for being the king of consumption. However, it is rumored that the US might once again regain its old world ranking title once Paris Hilton is released from slammer and Lindsay Lohan finds her way out of rehab.
LA nightclubs have been hurting for business since the two celebrities were forced out of the nightclub scene. Layoffs and grumbling have been the mainstay at most joints. The duos’ release should add a bit to the morale of an industry that was recently ailing. Then, with those two at the helm of our ship, we should be able to again bring the USA to a position of prominence within the liquor consumption rankings.
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Joe Bob is the adventurous type.
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Think that animals do not know how to think or to enjoy life's simple pleasures? Think Again!
This big girl is one happy elephant, and who can blame her?
Do you wonder what is running through her mind? Let's listen in:
Aahh! Just turn on the shower massage, lean back and...yeah baby! Does that feel great or what?
You don't have to worry about punching the clock or beating the rush hour traffic. You don't even need to consider the water bill. Just let it flow.
I'll bet that human beings don't ever get it this good. I will take this over satellite TV any time.
You know, I think that one bull elephant at the gym yesterday had his eye on me. He was one buff bull. What a pair of pecs he had. That dude has to do a lot of bench presses to stay in that kind of shape.
And Girl? What was up with Brittany at work this morning? That girl has one major attitude problem.
If things are not done her way, then, as far as she's concerned, they are not worth doing.
Well, don't you dare call me racist, but that is what happens when you work with a pink elephant. That woman is just impossible to work with. Now if she were a gray like the rest of us, there would be no issues.
Try to tell management that. They insist that pink elephants are the same as everyone else. That will be the day--when pinks are the same as grays.
Some managers will never learn! Mixing pinks and grays is asking for trouble. Pinks just do not have the capacity for complex thought like grays do.
Pinks are only good for manual labor. They just were not meant to handle thinking about anything other than eating or sleeping.
Give a pink a broom and a warm bed, and she will purr like a kitten. But give her options, and she will be nothing but trouble.
Next thing you know, pink elephants will want to be able to vote. Then they will get as uppity as human beings.
Human beings: Now there was a mistake in God's master plan.
Well, that sounds about par for the course. It certainly is in line with what we have heard about ol' LL, now isn't it?
Because Lindsay is currently in rehab at Malibu's Promises clinic for various addictions, a spokesperson announced that she will be canceling her 21st birthday party scheduled for July 2nd at the PURE nightclub in Las Vegas.
The National Ledger reports that PURE allowed Lohan to cancel her contract for her July 2nd date because Lindsay has agreed to make a future appearance.
This party promised to be one huge birthday bash lasting two days. And what does a 21st birthday give an addict reason to do? P-A-R-T-Y!
Of course, too much partying is what a rehab clinic is supposed to help prevent. Only time will tell if Lindsay will either end up walking the straight and narrow or return to her destructive ways of the past. It is hard to imagine a 20-year-old who already has such a destructive past, but she does.
Obviously the PURE nightclub staff thinks that Lindsay will be back partying old style. Nightclub folks know that once a party animal, always a party animal.
Before she entered rehab Lindsay was quoted as saying the following on the Ellen Degeneres Show: "I’m going to milk it,” she said. “It’s a big birthday and I think it's been a long time in coming for my friends in LA who have clubs … [after July 2nd they won't] have to worry about getting in trouble because I’m underage.”
Is that an alcoholic talking or what? Those who have been around alcoholics have heard a thousand different versions of those words, and we Irishmen know a little about alcoholics. My guess is that we haven't heard the last of Lindsay's partying.
Will Lindsay Lohan, star of 2004’s “Mean Girls,” in which she was portrayed as a mean, vengeful high school student, be the next young Hollywood star to self-destruct?
Her former bodyguard has written a “tell all” book about Lindsay’s bouts with drugs and lesbian relationships. The book reportedly details Lindsay’s downward path toward self-destruction through drug and alcohol abuse. Needless to say Lindsay is not too excited to see this foray into her private life hit the newsstands.
So what did she do about it?
It’s being reported that she posted bodyguard Lee Weaver's cell phone number on her MySpace page and urged her followers to bombard him with abusive phone calls.
Now, that is an intelligent and mature response. Does anyone other than myself have the feeling that ol’ Lindsay may be mentally stuck in high school.
Those in the know hint that Lindsay has a lot of behavior issues to hide and that this “tell all” book will only be a continuation of what already appears to be a rapidly downward spiral of an alleged alcoholic and drug abusing personality.
The Indianapolis Star has reported that Britney Spears’ website is joking about naming Britney’s newest album “OMG Is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like.”
It is also being reported this week that Lindsay is also being sued for $200,000 over a 2005 car crash in which she reportedly slammed her Mercedes into a van. The lawsuit claims that Lindsay was drunk at the time, however, Lindsay was 19 at the time of the accident.
Thebosh.com is reporting that fashion house Jill Stuart is dropping Lindsay to rep its product line because of her recent front page photo in which she allegedly was deeply under the influence.
And she is also currently being treated at Malibu’s Promises clinic for substance abuse.
Yet Lindsay is still under 21 years of age. What could she possibly do to top any of this when she celebrates her 21st birthday?
More celebrity humor...
The Japanese have the best game shows, and this one is no exception. This is one game show where out of shape weekend athletes need not apply, because you must be both fit and athletic to be able to compete on this show.
The object is to run faster than the treadmill and to eat and drink the items placed at each of the four stations along the treadmill. If you fall behind, it is sayonara baby because this treadmill shows no mercy and you will end up in the drink.
The contestant who makes it all the way to the finish line in the shortest time frame is the winner. Naturally, there are plenty of losers who provide plenty of chuckles along the way.
More Video Humor...
Did you know one of David Letterman's recent top ten reasons why Paris Hilton was not doing well in prison? She was suffering from insomnia because she’s not used to sleeping in the same bed every night.
Well, I guess that this little excerpt of graffiti pretty much confirms that.
Paris seems to get around, doesn't she? But at least she was sleeping back when this graffiti was written. The prison scuttlebutt has it that she hasn't been doing a lot of that since she's been confined to the slammer.
The grapevine also hinted that she would not eat and would not even go to the toilet because she was afraid that one of the guards would photograph her on the john and sell the photo to the tabloids.
Come to think of it, those tabloids probably would pay for a photo like that. Quite a society we have, where you cannot even go to the toilet for fear a photo of the act will end up in the media.
More Paris Hilton humor...
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CanWest News Service and the Canadian National Post reported Wednesday that Paris Hilton’s parents, Rick and Kathy Hilton, reportedly cut in line ahead of others prison visitors in order to get in to see their daughter sooner.
Naturally, this report prompted more complaints that Paris, the heiress, is indeed receiving special treatment at the jail.
What is it with the Hilton family? Why do over privileged folks not understand that they are nothing special?
That is the real problem here.
Paris and her parents actually believe that they are deserving of special treatment and do not belong standing in line with the rest of us.
It is pretty apparent that Rick and Kathy Hilton have raised Paris to believe that playing by the rules is one rule that belongs only to the lower classes of society. Their behavior throughout this ordeal that the Parisian has been living through is a very clear indication that they believe that such rules do not apply to them.
The Hilton’s line cutting resulted in some visitors’ visits being cut short, while other visits were delayed only for the purpose of allowing the Hiltons to see the Parisian at their convenience.
Although few of us like the idea of the Hiltons cutting in line, they are either very brave or incredibly short of intellect. My guess is the latter.
It has been widely reported, for example, that the Twin Towers Correctional Facility in Los Angeles houses quite a few murderers. Insulting a mother murderer or a father rapist does not sound like an intelligent plan to me.
“Oh, we will just jump ahead of the family of the guy who just cut off his mother’s head. What is he going to do? Kill us?
Hey! This is LA. Stranger things have happened here.
My old man taught me to pick my fights, and it was a wise lesson I learned. Maybe Rick Hilton was in bed sick on the day when his father was meting out such wisdom.
How can one ignore a concept as basic as the one that tells you that prisoners have a tendency to remember when they have been slighted. That is why they are prisoners. They have acted violently when slighted in the past. And history does repeat itself--often.
Wouldn’t that be a twist to this bizarre tale. Kathy or Rick Hilton stabbed while visiting the Parisian. Wouldn't the media have a field day with that?
More Paris Hilton Humor...
Women have asked for years what do those brawny Scottish men wear beneath those kilts. Now, we unfortunately know. From the male point of view, this is really information overload.
Such a shot is reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe in the 1955 movie “The Seven Year Itch,” which was directed by famed director Billy Wilder. The most famous, or infamous, scene in The Itch showed Marilyn standing on a subway grating and letting the onrushing hot air blow her skirt every which way but what was proper and acceptable for the times. Such a scene was quite scandalous in 1955.
Mrs. Mick tells me that the Sc
ot in the rear, so to speak, has nice legs and touché. That is her way of saying he has hot buns. Some women feel out of place if they remark publicly about a man’s bottom. Using the word nice makes the woman feel like she has made her point but is still is a lady after having said it.
Other women, of course, lean toward the redneck viewpoint and will say pretty much anything that is on their mind, regardless of who it offends. They will not hesitate to say something like, “damn, look at those hot glutes. Come to momma, baby!”
You are entitled to embrace whichever viewpoint you wish.
Then, on the other hand, you have Bert and Ernie there with their gluteal outlook on life. Both Bert and Ernie seem oblivious to what our photographer has captured on film. Naturally, we are protecting both Bert and Ernie’s identity. What would Mrs. Bert say if he were identified? Hopefully, not “come to momma, baby!”
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you that Bert is going to come in dead last in the polls on this issue. The Scotsman wins again, which does not really explain why the tone of the bagpipe has a bit of that plaintive cry in it.
You have the Scottish buns versus Bert’s butt crack. Why would there be anything plaintive in whatever the Scot does? You would think he would be strutting like a peacock with his buns of steel.
Perhaps it is simply his way of saying nice?
Try the Redneck Version...
This is redneck woman; hear her roar. And roar she does; loud and clear.
If you thought that men were the only rednecks out there, you were dead redneck wrong. Behind most male rednecks, there often beats the heart of a less-than-gorgeous redneck woman. And Bubba, these women are no strangers to the redneck way of life.
These beauties come in every shape and size, and most of them put their man to shame when it comes to that redneck attitude. Like your typical weekend athlete, these women know how to make the worst out of any situation. Anything that can go wrong usually will.
You may feel just a little bit sorry for that tiny little boy on the slide that was squashed by the clumsy redneck woman who fell on top of him. But that little Joe Bob may just as well get used to it. If he manages to live long enough to become an actual redneck himself, his redneck woman will probably be squashing him both mentally and emotionally on a regular basis.
It seems to come with the redneck territory.
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Aah! To be young and stupid again. Naturally, we cannot turn back the clock, but we can still aspire toward the stupidity factor. It seems that these folks have a lock on it. Some people just know how to live and how to tweak those innate gifts that nature doles out at birth. The rest of us can only hope to emulate.
You should know that no all terrain vehicles were harmed during the making of this video. The human characters involved were beyond harm and beyond hope anyway, so no one really cares whether or not they were harmed.
Actually, we were unable to determine whether they were harmed because they scored so low on the Rorschach Stupidity Scale, better known as RSS, both before and after the event.
And you thought RSS stood for really simple syndication. It's a good thing the folks at McCafferty's Pub are here to both entertain and educate. What did folks do before McCafferty's Pub came along anyway?
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Try out Redneck Graffiti...
If you haven't heard by now, it's history. Paris Hilton is back in jail.
Talk about injustice! Can anyone possibly believe that our favorite Parisian deserves to be back in the cooler? Of course not! Here is a photo of Paris' estate in Bel-Air, California. Just look at that dump.
How could any judge possibly believe that living there for 40 days and 40 nights is anything but torture?
If you are late to the party, the LA County Sheriff had decided that being confined to this Bel-Air hell hole would be sufficient punishment for Paris Hilton's transgressions against society. And he was so right.
Can you imagine lying in bed in your second floor master bedroom and you suddenly have a yen for a bottle of Perrier? You would have to walk down an entire flight of stairs to the kitchen just to quench your thirst. What a shocking way to live!
All Parisites (Paris Hilton supporters) should understand that our favorite Parisian is so much better off residing in the county cooler. It is cruel and inhuman punishment to expect anyone to suffer through the indignities of living in Bel-Air.
Now, at least, Paris will have an on-site staff to cater to her every need, which is the way it should be. Paris is just too special to be forced into any lifestyle that does not include a staff to lock her cell door after her.
Actually, all of the to-do about Paris Hilton's latest exploits is an excellent boon to the nation's economy. Look at all of the employment she is creating. You have scores of reporters covering her every move. Look at all of the paparazzi gathered outside Paris' estate in the photo above. Without Paris these people would be out of work.
Paris has also created extra jobs at the David Letterman and Jay Leno shows. Both shows have been hiring additional comedy writers because the current staff simply cannot write jokes fast enough. They need more writers just to keep up with the demand for the jokes.
And people around the world are beginning to make fun of the Los Angeles justice system, which Jimmy Kimmel was quick to defend. Said Jimmy, "I don’t see any other city throwing Paris Hilton in jail."
Now that Paris is back in jail, we can return to making fun of how poorly she was doing while in the slammer. Here is a video of David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons why Paris isn't doing so well in Prison:
10. Suffering from insomnia because she’s not used to sleeping in the same bed every night.
9. Too depressed to participate in prison riots
8. Desperate for intimacy, she made a boyfriend out of a stuffed laundry bag.
7. She's ballooned to 93 pounds.
6. Only time she said, "That's hot!" was during delousing.
5. Knitted a tea cozy from rat fur (sorry — that joke was left over from an old Martha Stewart list)
4. Only call she received was from Eddie Brill asking for her out cue.
3. Was overheard muttering something about voting for Kucinich.
2. Started a pen pal romance with Phil Spector.
1. At last night's conjugal she seemed distant.
More Paris Hilton Humor...
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Paris Hilton is out of jail in record time. Five days and she's out!
Do you still think the rich and famous get treated the same as the rest of us? How many poor African-American women get released from a 45 day jail sentence in only five Days? Zero!
How many poor Puerto Rican women get released from a 45 day jail sentence in only five days? Zero!
How many poor Hispanic women get released from a 45 day jail sentence in only five days? Zero!
How much confidence does this second generation son of Irish immigrants now have in the US legal system?
You guessed it! I don't even have to say it. I wonder how much red tape there is in emigrating to Ireland?
Do you think somebody was paid off? Oh no! That never happens.
Here's a little of what David Letterman had to say:
"She wasn't in long enough to sober up."
"Now Paris is under house arrest on a four acre Bel-Air estate. That will teach her."
Jay Leno asked: "How did the other women treat her? They cursed at her, spit on her and pulled her hair. They treated her just like Lindsay Lohan does."
This certainly makes me want to buy one of her CDs or DVDs.
More Paris Hilton Humor...
Is this the first photo of Paris Hilton in her jail cell?
No, this is merely an artist's rendition of what Paris might look like in her new surroundings.
But if there is any truth to what was reported at tmz.com, Paris does not look so smug right now.
Tmz.com is reporting that "Paris is scared," and that she "has been crying on the phone, saying she's not sleeping or eating."
Paris reportedly has said that her cell is "freezing cold." She has three small blankets and no pillow, and she is using one of the blankets as a pillow.
CBS news is reporting that LA authorities whizzed Paris through her enrollment process in one hour, as opposed to the 24 hours it normally takes, while a bail bondsman reported that some of the other inmates were taunting Paris for the special treatment she was receiving.
David Letterman said that Paris is surrounded by drug dealers and sexual predators, which is pretty much just like she is on the outside.
Letterman also said that they are already making a movie about Paris in Jail. It's called the "Bird brain of Alcatraz."
CBS news is also reporting that Pairs did not have to go through the strip search or the cavity search. She did not have to "spread 'em."
But, isn't that where her talents lie? Isn't that just like the government? They put you in jail and then don't let you use your God given abilities.
Letterman said the only time she's said "That's hot!" is during the strip search.
More Paris Hilton Humor...
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Does this latest version of "Kilroy was here" graffiti promise to become more famous than the original World War II famous Graffiti? For those who never took a history lesson, "Kilroy was here" was a popular graffiti left at battle sites and prisoner of war jail cells during World War II.
Paris Hilton is probably one of the most famous prisoners in world history, although most famous prisoners were famous because they were imprisoned for a cause, such as South Africa's Nelson Mandela, who was imprisoned because of his anti-apartheid actions in South Africa. Paris, on the other hand, is the cause of her own imprisonment.
It is not easy for a 26-year-old billionaire heiress to land in jail. You have to do some pretty dumb things for someone that wealthy to lose your freedom--even if it is only for 45 days.
But Paris Hilton is living proof of that.
More Paris Hilton Humor...
Our favorite Parisian, Paris Hilton, has entered jail two days early to get a head start on her rehabilitation. The Los Angeles police released her mug shot, which is to the left.
I will have to admit that hers is probably the best mug shot I have ever seen. There is no doubt that Paris has what it takes in that regard.
Paris entered jail on Sunday, June 3rd, at 11:30 PM after working at the MTV TV movie awards on Sunday afternoon. She obviously was looking forward to her confinement and simply could not wait until June 5th.
The media have reported that Paris is being housed in the Los Angeles jail's special needs unit, which has reportedly angered some of the other prisoners. It seems that some of them think dear Paris is receiving special treatment.
Could it be possible that the government gives billionaire heiresses special treatment? Well, duh! How can anyone believe that money doesn't buy special treatment? This is America, after all, and money rules our world.
It is also said that Warner Bros, the company that handles her recording albums, has dropped her. She has also reportedly lost some revenue as a spokesperson for a sportswear company.
When it rains it pours.
More Paris Hilton Humor...
Dude! That poor builder. Doesn't even get his building built and the "dudes" are already marking it up. That has to be frustrating, but I have heard that modern construction materials are now designed to make removing graffiti a lot easier.
Of course, that makes it that much more enticing to post graffiti jabs at our dear Paris Hilton. Speaking of the Parisian, she is due to report for her incarceration in short order. It was reported in the media that one of the paparazzi rented a room with a window overlooking the small window in the jail cell that Paris is scheduled to be assigned to. It is unclear whether there is any truth to the report, but it makes perfect sense.
A photo of the Paris inside her new habitat would probably fetch a very pretty penny from the tabloids. Now that the report has hit the wires, the authorities will probably transfer her to a different cell to frustrate the photogs.
You can be sure that if any photos surface, you will hear about them here.
More Graffiti Humor...
More Paris Hilton Humor...
One night at bedtime, a father was passing by his son's room and overheard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father was somewhat confused about his son‘s prayers, but at least his son was praying. The next morning, however, they found the grandfather prostrate on the floor, dead of an apparent heart attack. The father was naturally a bit unnerved at the timing but reassured himself that it was just a coincidence.
That night at bedtime, the father again overheard his son praying: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was definitely worried, but reassured himself that his son’s prayers could not be connected to the grandfather’s death. He decided to go to bed and try not to worry about it. But, unfortunately, the next morning the grandmother was lying on the floor, also dead of a heart attack.
By now the father was really scared. He decided to wait outside his son's door that night and listen to his prayers. Once again, the boy prayed: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
By now the father was nearly out of his mind with anxiety. He paced half of the night, then finally decided to head straight for the hospital and the emergency room. By the time the ER doctor saw him it was early morning. The doctor reassured the father that his health was fine and he had nothing to worry about.
When he finally arrived home in the late morning, his wife was standing on the porch, waiting.
She said, "Thank God you're here. You won‘t believe what happened! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
More Grandparent/grandchildren Humor...
Now that is a prudent use of government funds, that is. Definitely a wise public service announcement. Just think what could occur if an elderly couple picked up the wrong hitchhiker along this stretch of highway. Not all recent parolees have made a vow to go straight, and the wrong parolee could easily ruin your day.
But one really has to be an optimist to pick up a hitchhiker in any event in this modern day. Hitchhikers would generally be considered to be folks who are a little short of funds. And it stands to reason that someone who is down and out may be more apt to bend the law if it suits his purpose simply because he has less to lose. At least that is one school of thought.
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Two Time winner of the In Your Face Award at Mattress Police.
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