Redneck Photoshop - Pantyless Britney Spears and Others

Daisy, over at the charming blog, Smiling with Daisy, provided me with an inkling of an idea a while back when she blogged a post about sites that had online software which gave you with the ability to manipulate photographs in numerous ways. Stop in to see Daisy, when you get a chance because she has a family type blog that looks at life from a funny, warm and wholesome perspective.

Well, kudos to Daisy because her post was the genesis of this post. She manipulated a few photos with some interesting results, so I wondered what the results might be if Bubba, one of our resident rednecks, took a turn at manipulating photos of celebrities. Instead of using online software, Bubba used Paint Shop Pro, a program which is similar to Photoshop, but a whole lot cheaper.

Bubba took some normal celebrity photos and changed all of the colors in the photo to just one color, such as silver, gold and red. Here are some of the results:

Jay Leno:













Jay Leno, star of the Tonight Show, has an very strong jaw that came out even stronger when his photo was changed to silver. The result is that Ol' Jay has a determined but simpler look in silver than he does in real life. In fact, Jay looks like he would fit in very well with Bubba and his redneck friends.

Jay's new look reminds us a lot of Gomer Pyle, from the TV show back in the 1960's. Hey! Gomer! Yeah, Ol' Redneck Jay looks like a Gomer and is a good fit in his silver makeover.

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Jud Tylor:



Jud Tylor is one remarkable looking young actress, who was most recently seen with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in Charlie Wilson's War.

Bubba took a photo of Jud from the cover of Stuff magazine, where she looked so very hot, steamy even. He converted her to silver and came up with a hot Jud Tylor, whose bosom looks even bigger if that is possible. But she also looks a bit dangerous. Her hair seems to have changed to scarecrow straw, and her eyes look right through you. Go ahead, look into the eyes of the silver Jud. This girl is scary!

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Carson Daly:
















For the unaware, Carson Daly hosts a talk show called Last Call with Carson Daly, which airs after the Conan O'Brien Show, which is on after the Jay Leno show. Carson's show comes on around 12-2 AM depending on what TV market you are in.

Carson sports an extremely juvenile looking mustache that makes him look like he's about 16-years-old at the most. He usually wears a suit with a tie that is loose around his neck and his shirts are generally not tucked in even when wearing a suit. His look totally sucks, but some of the teens and 20 somethings seem to like him, which is the market he is after.

When Bubba went to work on Carson, he gave him a fat lip along with a small hole in the end of his nose, which fits right in with the teenage audience that Carson aspires to attract because that age group often seems to be piercing something on their faces.

The silver look made Carson's teeth appear to be decayed, which is a common look from the silver makeover.

At least the silver made Carson's mustache appear more like an adult, but Carson turned down my request to be my friend on MySpace, which means he is now rather low on my admired list.

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Angelina Jolie:














































Bubba went whole hog on the stunning Angelina Jolie, converting her into silver, gold, and hot red. In the gold and red, she looks like she's in black face, ala one of those movies from the 1930's. But in the silver, she resembles a witch doctor from a Tarzan movie from the 1950's.

What a waste of a beautiful actress, turning her into a witch doctor. Now if she were a high priestess, that would be a fitting makeover for Angelina.

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George Clooney:





















Bubba made over the peripatetic 47-year-old actor, George Clooney, in both silver and gold. In the gold photo, the makeover results in George's teeth appearing like he just finished eating a package of oreos. Got a sweet tooth George?

All of you women know that George, who is still a bachelor by the way, looks remarkably good in silver, gold or any other color of the rainbow.

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Britney Spears Kissing Madonna:














Remember the infamous kiss onstage between Madonna and Britney Spears? Madonna, who has made an entire career based on bizarre and anti-social behavior, orchestrated this little shocker which initiated an international discussion of girl-on-girl action.

For some reason, Bubba especially enjoyed this little makeover, and enjoyed it a little too much at that, I might add. The final products both look a lot like statues to me. Notice, though, how Madonna appears like she has bare arms in the makeovers as opposed to the black sleeves in the original photo.

Because we anticipated this photo would result in a more interesting effect than it did, we decided to add the piece de resistance:

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Britney Spears Bottomless:


















This is not an x-rated blog and we have no desire to shock anyone, so we chose the less revealing of the two photos on the Net displaying the pantyless Britney Spears for all to see. Plus we have strategically placed an opaque little rectangle on the photo in order to maintain our PG rating.

The silver makeover of Britney sans panties actually makes it look like she is wearing some. How does that work anyway? The makeover is far less shocking than the original photo. Evidently, some things were meant to be observed with the benefit of the full color spectrum, just as nature intended. Go figure.

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That does it for this version of our Redneck Photoshop. If you like it, let us know and we may do another, or not.

More Britney Spears
More Jay Leno
More George Clooney
More Carson Daly
More Jud Tylor
More Angelina Jolie

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I taut I taw a putty tat

If you thought you saw a putty tat, you did see a putty tat. I used to do a lot more animal videos and somehow got away from it. But it wasn't deliberate, so let's try a few more.

These kitties are smart, resourceful, clever, and unpredictable. In the first video we look in on one very resourceful kitty, who knows how to get what she wants. Of course, we end up with a funny result. This is one thirsty little kitty cat. Let's see how she quenches her thirst:

You will have to admit that we have one smart little kitty here. She was not short changed when they handed out the brains in her family.

*****

Despite being bigger than his opponent, our next feline is a little on the cautious side and wants to make certain that he doesn't get into something he can't handle. So he sort of feels his way into a disagreement. Once he is sure, he...well, see for yourself:

I think it did not turn out quite the way he expected despite all of his calculations prior to making his move. That's life as a cat, kiddo.

*****

Most cats hate the water, but this kitty proves that the term "most cats" does not mean all cats. This one gets an "A" for the cuteness factor, so get ready to get cuted out.

Was I right? Cute, huh?

More Kitty Cat Stories
More animal Videos

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Yet More Irish Drinking Stories, Proverbs and Blessings - Thank You

Wild Weekend

Timothy Byrne spent last weekend all the way over in America in Las Vegas. Believe it or don’t, he won over $100,000, playing mostly at the dice tables.

Knowing that all of his friends and relations would be trying to borrow money from him if they knew about his good fortune, he contemplated what he should do with his new found wealth. Upon arriving home late at night, he immediately went into the darkness of his backyard, where he dug a hole and buried the money.

Upon awakening the next morning he was feeling very chipper about his winnings, so he decided to take a quick look in his yard to check on the security of his money. When he arrived at the burial site, all he found was an empty hole.

Enraged and beside himself, Timothy fell upon the ground in despair. As he lay on the lawn he noticed a fresh layer of dew on the grass, and in that dew were footprints.

Timothy quickly jumped up and followed the footprints to the house next door, where an Asian immigrant, new to the country, had recently moved.

Timothy knew the immigrant spoke only his native language, but he also had seen the language professor from across the street speaking to the immigrant. He ran into his house, fetched his revolver and quickly darted over to the professor’s house.

Forcing open the professor’s door, Timothy charged inside and dragged the professor out of bed. Even though she was still in her nightgown, the professor immediately complied because the entire neighborhood was well aware of Timothy’s vile temper and what he might do while enraged.

Timothy pulled the professor still in her bare feet across the street to the immigrant’s house and burst through the front door. Timothy placed his revolver up to the immigrant’s head and said to the professor, “Tell this guy that if he doesn’t give me my money back right now, I’ll kill him.”

At that point Timothy cocked his pistol which was pointed directly at the immigrant’s temple.

Seeing the fear in the immigrant’s eyes the professor quickly relayed Timothy’s threat to him. The immigrant was very afraid for he immediately responded that he hid the money in his back yard under the wood pile.

The professor turned to face Timothy and translated, “He said he’s not going to tell you. He said he would rather die first.”

*****

To Happiness:

Health and long life to you.
The wife of your choice to you.
A child every year to you,
And life without rent to you
And may you be half an hour in heaven
Before the devil knows your dead.

*****

A true Irishman sees things not as they are, but as they will never be.

*****

At the Race Track

Kathleen O’Halloran and Molly McGraw, two of County Cork’s most honored teachers, were escorting a large group of 2nd, 3rd, and 4th graders on a field trip. They were going to the local race track to learn about the racing industry and most importantly about thoroughbred horses.

As the day wore on, naturally, the children needed to use the facilities. Kathleen O’Halloran escorted the girls to the ladies room and Molly McGraw took the boys to the men’s room.

While Molly was waiting outside the men’s room for the boys, one of them came out to her and said, “Ms. McGraw, we need help. We’re all too short to reach the urinal.”

Because there was no alternative, Molly went inside the men’s room and started lifting each one up high enough to use the urinal. The first boy immediately began spraying his all over the place, so Molly also had to “grab onto” each boy’s unit to prevent them from getting their clothes wet.

While she lifted one of the larger boys, she immediately noticed that he was rather well endowed. Molly wanted to avoid staring so she said to him, “You must be in the 4th.”

“Na, ma’am,” he replied. “I’m in the 6th, riding Golden Fleece, but thanks for the lift.”

*****

A true Irishman gets more Irish the farther he gets from Ireland.

*****

A Prayer for Humor:

Grant me a send of humor, Lord,
the saving grace to see a joke,
To win some happiness from life,
And pass it on to other folk.

*****

Patty Takes a Lover

That naughty Patty Murphy has been seeing another man during the day while her hard working husband, Thomas, is out earning wages. One day her 8-year-old son, Michael, arrives home early from school quite unexpectedly, and bounds up to the master bedroom looking for his mum. The boy catches Patty and her lover in bed together, so Patty quickly pushes Michael into the closet and shuts the door because she doesn‘t know what else to do.

Just at that moment, as fate would have it, her hard working husband, Thomas, also comes home early unexpectedly seeking a little afternoon rendezvous with his wife. Thomas is downstairs shouting, “Patty, I’m home. Where are you, my love?”

Patty nervously pushes her lover into the closet with Michael.

The little boy quietly says, “Dark in here.”

Patty’s lover quietly replies, “Yes, it is.”

Michael whispers, “I have a skateboard.”

Says the lover, “That's nice.”

Michael senses an opportunity and asks, “Want to buy it?”

“No, thanks,” answers the lover.

“But, my dad's outside,” counters Michael in a slightly louder voice.

The lover catches on and quietly asks, “Ah! I see! How much?”

Michael replies, “Only $500.”

Two weeks later the same thing happens all over again. Michael and the lover are again inside the closet together.

Says Michael quietly, “Dark in here.”

The lover whispers, “Yes, it is.”

Michael quietly says, “I have a helmet.”

The lover, recalling the blackmail from last time, asks the enterprising boy, “I’ll bet you do. How much?”

Michael replies, “Just $300.”

“Fine,” replies the lover.

Just a few days later Thomas, the father, says to Michael, his son, “Go get your helmet and skateboard so you can show me how well you ride.”

Michael replies, “I can't, Dad. I sold them.”

Thomas asks, “What! How much did you sell them for?”

Says Michael, “$800.”

Thomas replies, “Michael, that's a terrible thing to overcharge your friends like that. That is much more than they are worth. We’re going to church and you are going to confess to Father O'Hara.”

At the church Thomas takes Michael to the confessional and tells the lad to go inside, shutting the door behind him.

Once inside the dark confessional Michael says, “Dark in here.”

Father O'Hara replies, “Don't start that crap again.”

*****

A Blessing for Luck

May your pockets be heavy,
Your heart be light
And may good luck pursue you
Each Morning and night.

*****

Any Irish lad or lass will tell you how they remember their dear mum singing lullabies to them while rocking them to sleep when they were young or sick in bed as a child. The song that Irish folks remember above all of the rest is Tura Lura.

It mattered not whether mother could sing well because the tune brings back such warm and glowing memories of mother's love that nothing else mattered when she was near. Most Irish folk would give anything to hear their dear mother sing Tura Lura just one more time.

For many of us that can never happen, so a rendition by the Irish Tenors will have to do. These lads sing better than angels from above, so be sure to tarry long enough to listen to their version of Tura Lura:



More Irish drinking stories, blessings and proverbs

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Is Dat Blonde Really Dat Dumb? - Video

Jessica, a gorgeous blonde, who was waiting for the bus at a crowded bus stop, wore some figure enhancing clothes like a bright red, tight leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and a high fashion leather jacket.

The bus arrived and it was Jessica’s turn to step aboard; however, she soon learned that her skirt was a little too tight. It did not allow her to lift her leg as high as the height of the bus’ first step.

Jessica grew a little embarrassed with her situation, but she flashed a short smile to the bus driver as she reached behind herself, unzipping her skirt a little. She thought that would release her skirt just enough to allow her to lift her leg up to the step.

But as Jessica once again tried to step onto the bus she soon learned that she still could not make that first step. By now everyone behind her in line to get onto the bus realized her situation, and there were a few muffled laughs, which only embarrassed Jessica even more.

Once again Jessica reached her arm behind her, unzipping her skirt just a little more. Once again she tried to raise her leg up to the step, and once again she was unable lift her leg high enough because of her tight skirt.

At this point most of the passengers on the bus realized what was delaying their trip, and they were actively talking about it. Some were shouting encouragement to Jessica. Naturally, she was getting very embarrassed with her situation.

She decided to give her skirt another go, so she again gave a little smile to the driver while she again reached her hand behind herself unzipping the tight red skirt just a little more. But three times were not the charm because she again could not reach that step.

At this point a large lumberjack type who was standing right behind her in line swiftly picked her up by the waist and gently placed her on the step she had tried so hard to reach.

By now Jessica was so embarrassed that she went ballistic, spun around to her would be Sir Lancelot and screamed at him, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

To which the lumberjack replied, "Well ma'am, I ordinarily would agree with you. But after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends."

*****

This Blonde Ain’t so Dumb!

A very attractive blonde woman walks up to the bar in a quiet pub in the Irish countryside. She gestures alluringly to the barkeep, who quickly comes over to her.

When he arrives, she playfully tugs on his full, bushy beard bringing his face close to hers in the process. She starts to gently caress his beard, then she softly strokes his face with both of her hands asking, "Are you the manager?"

"Uh, actually, no, I‘m not," he replies.

"Well, honey, can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." While she speaks, she runs her hands up through his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid that I can't," breathlessly replies the bartender, who is getting excited about the possibilities. "Is there anything that I can do?"

"Yes there is,” she answers. “I want you to give him a message for me," she says as she slips two of her fingers into his mouth, allowing him to suck them gently.

"Tell him that there’s no toilet paper in the ladies room."

*****

The game contestant in the following video is not blonde, but the woman he is with is. Perhaps it is a birds of a feather situation. The contestant's hair is gray, but it must have been blonde at one time cause smart he is not. Watch.



Obviously many members of the audience must also be blonde, because 56% of them believe that the sun orbits around the Earth.

What made this guy think he is smart enough to become a contestant on a game show? Perhaps he is the smartest one in his circle of friends, and they encouraged him to apply to be on the show.

"Well, Pierre is smart," they say. "He should go on Millionaire. He is sure to win big time."

Sorry, Pierre.









Ultimate Blonde Video - The Greatest Breasts in the World
Blonde Video Humor: Those Blondes Are at it Again
My Three Favorite Dumb Blonde Videos

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Redneck Fire-breathing Dragon - Video

"9-1-1 operator! What is your Emergency?"

'Yes, My name is Steve, and I want to report dragon."

"A Dragon?"

"Yes, ma'am. Dragon. Blue fire-breathing dragon. I just saw it over on Main Street, not 5 minutes ago. It was breathing fire all over place."

"Sir, this is 9-1-1 Emergency, and it is illegal to call 9-1-1 with prankster calls..."

"This is no prankster, 9-1-1 Emergency operator. This is Steve! My American name is Steve. I am studying to become US citizen, and I am not calling about prankster. I am from India. My Indian name is Pratepp Patel, but I like to use my American name. My American name is Steve."

"I am telling you, 9-1-1 Emergency operator! I saw real, live, dragon...that was breathing fire. It was over on Main Street...right in middle of street. It was long and shiny, and it was blue!"

"Well, Steve. We're right smack dab in the middle of Arkansas, and do you know what? We don't have any dat-burn dragons here in Arkansas. Fact of the matter is, I don't believe that there are any dragons on planet earth. Now we are very busy still working on the flooded areas, so a dragon call just is not high on our priority list. So what planet are you from anyway...Steve?"

"Oh, yes! 9-1-1 Emergency operator! There are dragons. They have dragons in Indonesia. Komodo dragons. But they are only 8-9 feet long and they don't breathe fire. And I know the floods are a problem. I am calling from 4th Street. It's still under water over here."

"Kimono dragons? Now that sounds Japanese, Steve. And, 8-9 feet long! Steve, how big was that dragon that you say you saw?"

"It was at least 20 feet long. Maybe 25 feet. It was huge and blue and shiny. And it was breathing fire...I think."

"You think! Well now, see here Steve! Was it breathing fire or was it not breathing fire?

"Fire was coming out of it, but I couldn't tell which end was front. It might have fire coming out of butt."

"Okay, Steve! If you're sure that they have kimono dragons in Indonesia, maybe some tourist brought a pet back and it grew a mite. I'll write it up. Let's see...25 foot long, shiny blue dragon breathing fire out of butt...er, its butt...over on Main Street. Is that about right, Steve?"

"Yes, 9-1-1 Emergency operator. That's right! Big blue dragon breathing fire out of butt. That's it."

"Okay, Steve. We'll send a patrol car over your way. Now, Y'all keep an eye peeled and let us know if it moves anywhere else."

*****

"Dispatch, This is car 54. Warrant and wants on plate hotel, eighter, tango, alpha, india, lima, golf, eighter, romeo, sierra."

"Car 54, this is dispatch. Warrant and wants on hotel, eighter, tango, alpha, india, lima, golf, eighter, romeo, sierra negative. Prior moving violations: May, 2008 - spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle. November, 2007 - spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle. February, 2007 - spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle."

"Car 5-4, it sounds like you have apprehended our feared Japanese kimono dragon. Over."

"Roger that, dispatch. We witnessed said dragon spewing dangerous flammable liquid all over a 2006 Lexus SUV. That definitely riled up the SUV owner who took after our dragon owner with a revolver. We're going to need back up, a wagon for the apprehended offenders and tow trucks to remove said dragon and burnt Lexus."

"Dispatch, it seems that our dragon driver is a retired fireman who gets a mite riled when other drivers tailgate him. That's why he rigged his vehicle to breathe fire on offending vehicles. Over."

"Car 5-4. The citizens of Arkansas can rest easy now that our dreaded kimono dragon has been apprehended. Back up and wagon on the way 5-4. Over."

"Roger that, Dispatch. Over and out."

Dragon with the Fire-breathing Butt follows:



There you have it. A dangerous kimono dragon has been removed from the streets. Thus the avenues and boulevards of Arkansas are safe once again. But who knows what other evil lurks in the minds of rednecks everywhere? Beware!

• Try Redneck Graffiti
• Redneck Industrialists - Video
• Redneck Hand Grenade
• Drunken Redneck Ukranian Wedding Fight

More Funny News Reporter Bloopers - Videos

I enjoyed doing the last post about reporter bloopers so much that I decided to add more. Our first video exhibits a couple of blooper stories back to back.

In the first scene a British reporter is describing how soldiers have confiscated cocoa leaves, which are used to produce cocaine, and marijuana plants and are now burning the confiscated goods in the background. The reporter gets a little too close to the enticing aroma of the burning drugs that is wafting his way, and you can pretty much guess the rest.

In the second scene, a reporter, who is obviously a rookie around horses goes where no one, man or woman, should ever go. I cannot imagine why she went there, but we're glad she did because the result is a remarkable sight to behold.



Well, that first reporter finished up feeling no pain whatsoever. Did you notice how quickly his personality transformed from the typical British straight laced fellow to a guy with an easy going devil may care attitude?

And what can you say about that second reporter. Rookie! Rookie! Rookie!? Years from now when that reporter passes away, at her funeral the family will probably remember how she was immortalized on the Internet at the business end of a horse.

I don't mean to be picky, but I would prefer immortality be conferred upon me in a somewhat tidier fashion, thank you.

Horse "manure" can be some pretty smelly stuff. How many times do you think that young lady had to shampoo her hair to rid herself of her newly acquired equestrian aroma?

*****

In the second video, our friendly reporter, Barney, is doing a short human interest story on a young lad who builds model buildings with wooden blocks. Now ask yourself, "How could Barney possibly get into any trouble from such a generic story?" Ah! How indeed!

In the second scene, we have Chuck Storm, a type "A" reporter if ever there was one. Chuck is a hard charger who is out to get that story no matter what gets in his way. Well, something manages to slow Chuck down a bit despite his aggressive attitude. Have a look:



Hopefully Barney, the first reporter in this video, does not have any delusions that one of the major networks will catch a glimpse of his talent and whisk him away to the glory and greatness of the networks. Cause, Barney, that just ain't gonna happen!

It is somewhat surprising that Brian, the young model builder, restrained the impulse to punch old Barney for ineptly destroying his creation.

Perhaps Chuck Storm, the second reporter, will slow down just enough to clear up those terrible headaches he must get from bumping into signs and things. That one really had to hurt!

Try our first Funny News Reporter Bloopers
Perhaps bloopers from Redneck Industrialists - Videos
Maybe you will like Wedding Video Bloopers


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Funny News Reporter Bloopers

TV news reporters are responsible for some hilarious bloopers that usually just end up on the editing room floor without anyone getting the opportunity to laugh at them. Well fortunately, we have managed to rescue a select few. All of our videos are short, so please do not worry about your time commitment.

You folks living in warm weather cities do not know how much fun you are missing by not getting any snow. In our first video the reporter is doing a story about the hidden dangers for kids when they hang around the snow plow. It is one of my favorites. Have a look:



I have watched that one several times and I still laugh out loud every time I watch it.

*****

Remember comedian George Carlin's skit about the seven words you cannot say on TV? When it comes to reporters, there are many more taboo words than just seven. The reporter in this next video mistakenly lets out a major slip of the tongue, and he gets a bit flushed because of his error. Watch:



I certainly hope that Miss Nevada is able to get her tittle back. I think that it is a significant aspect to her charm. In fact I cannot imagine how she would look without it.

Don't you think that The Donald should give her tittle back? C'mon, Donald! Give that poor girl her tittle back. The nerve of some control freaks, wanting to keep the tittles all for themselves.

*****

You really have to feel sorry for the reporter in this next video. This poor girl never saw that train coming. As it says in the beginning of the video: No light fixtures were harmed during the making of this video. We don't want the electricians' union mad at us.



I could be wrong, but I smell a law suit here. As for the medical condition of the reporter, I only know that she did not die. Wish I could tell you more.

*****

We have room for just one more blooper. It has nothing to do with reporters, but it fits in here very well.


Somebody seems to have mistaken the house for the garage. This is happening all too frequently these days. What do you want to bet that the driver was texting someone at the time of the accident?

Maybe it was about their horoscope. It might have gone something like this: "BFF. HORSCOP SZ SMTHNG DRAMATC ROUND NX CRNR." Of course, they didn't know it was the Jones' doublewide.

No, Mabel. That garage remote cannot lift the Jones house off its foundation, although the Dodge almost can. Next time drive around the thing, will you pulleeze?

Imagine the poor Joneses sitting down to dinner. "Honey. Look who's coming to dinner. It's Mabel."

"Mabel, dear. So glad you dropped in. Maybe next time you could call first. George, I think the dog is trapped under the transmission...George! Where are you George? You're under the transmission too? Do you think AAA handles something like this, George?...George?!"

More Bloopers - Funny Photos - Wrong Place and Time Bloopers
More Bloopers - Ordinary Birds Turn Violent
If Cute is your thing, this video is for you - Otter Heaven Video
How about Cute Bloopers? - Kitty Cat Video Bloopers

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