Britney Spears Update: Child Abuse, Gasless and Pantless

Here are the latest rumors on Britney Spears:

The Times of India, TMZ.com and eontarionow.com are all reporting that Britney Spears is under investigation for possible child abuse by the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. The allegations are poor dental hygiene and poor eating and sleeping habits.

The Times reported that "Spear’s lawyer Dennis Wasser appeared at an unscheduled hearing on Tuesday morning in LA County Superior Court’s dependency section, which handles child abuse claims."

TMZ.com also reported that Britney is earning over $737,000 per month, as reported in her child custody case with her ex-husband, Kevin Federline.

SFGate.com, along with other outlets reported that Britney ran out of gas in Beverly Hills on Tuesday, and the local police pushed her car to the gas station.

Britney was also recently pulled over by the local gendarme for speeding, but was let off with a warning.

And our Brit was caught once again by the paparazzi sans undies as shown here.

It seems that the stories are coming in so fast on Miss Brit that one can barely keep up with them. The no panties photo once again will do little to help her image during her custody battle with Kevin.

What self-respecting judge is not going to listen when the mother of two is photographed topless and bottomless so frequently. One would think that Britney is trying to lose custody of her children on the basis of her recent behavior.

Naturally, most proper mothers shave their heads, spend time in rehab, get filmed crashing their cars into Mercedes, and expose their private regions to the paparazzi on a regular basis.

Of course, the paparazzi are now going to follow Britney even more because she is their meal ticket. Get a photo of Britney involved in one of her public gaffes and you do not have to work for several months.

Britney's behavior is so bizarre that one would think she wants to be caught behaving foolishly.

Perhaps she does.

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Redneck Parachute and Hang Glider Bloopers

For centuries man has been fascinated with the thought of soaring through the air...of flying. Now that flight has been a reality for some time, it is time to look at the redneck side of flight, specifically, parachuting and hang gliding. Here are a few bloopers of rednecks who almost flew.



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Headless Redneck Businessman

This redneck has obviously lost his head, and he does not appear to be handling it all that well. Unfortunately, some folks’ personalities simply do not shine during a crisis.

“Hey mister! Have you seen my head anywhere around here? It was here just a minute ago. No, it‘s not in there.”

Mr. Businessman, did you know that it was Rudyard Kipling who said: “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you.”

Mister redneck obviously has not read Kipling because he has already lost his head, and, although there is no indication on where he is placing the blame, an educated guess says it is being placed on someone other than himself.

And…yes, he does appear to be rather affected by it all. Does the word frantic come to mind?

“Well, it just has to be here somewhere?”

Here‘s a thought. Let us try to be logical about this. Where were you when you last saw your head? Perhaps we can retrace your steps.

“I had it when I left home this morning. The Missus and I were having an argument. She is ready to have a baby, because it seems that her biological clock is ticking. I think that is what set it all off.”

Now we are getting somewhere. You say that the missus’ clock is ticking? That sheds a new light on the situation. Nary a man dead or alive was ever capable of keeping his head when the better half had a ticking clock. Like it or not, her hormones will take over the relationship, and the male has not a chance.

Your choice is simple, dear sir. Your mistake was to think that your headless existence was a result of a physical malady. The reality is that it is completely psychological. Your life as a family man is about to be changed forever by the tick-tock of your wife’s hormones. The longer that you fight that ticking, the more exasperating your miserable existence will be.

However, the cure is simple. You either succumb to your other half’s wishes or your head will be lost to you forever. No man can compete when female hormones are out of control. Agree to have the baby or face a future of headless frustration.

But it could be worse. You could be missing more essential parts of your anatomy.

But do not fret. That will come after the baby does.

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The Chicken Police

No, no, no…Don't you police officers get upset. This is not a commentary on the quality of police valor. This is an actual video of two chickens who take it upon themselves to police a mini rabbit riot, or what you might call bunny fisticuffs. Although, the intervention was probably not necessary. After all, how tough could a bunny wabbit be, anyway? What is he going to do? Nibble his opponent to death?

The real question is what is it that bugs bunny wabbits anyway?



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Lindsay Lohan Beats System, Gets One Day in Jail

Lindsay Lohan entered a plea agreement in Los Angeles County Superior Court that allows her to serve only one day in jail.

Lohan was charged with seven misdemeanor counts stemming from two drunken driving arrests in the last four months.

Felony charges of possession of cocaine were not filed because of the small of cocaine Lindsay possessed when she was arrested.

Lindsay is shown here smiling. You would be smiling too if you just avoided what might have been a long jail sentence.

Lohan also must serve tens days of community service and complete a drug treatment program.

Lindsay proved that it pays to have good lawyers because it was reported earlier that she could have received a sentence of at least a year in prison.

Los Angeles court officials stated that Lohan received the same sentence that anyone else would get. That seems a bit hard to believe considering the sentence Paris Hilton received earlier this year.

Paris spent 23 days of a 45 day sentence she received for lesser charges.

If I ever get arrested in LA, give me the phone number to Lindsay's lawyers. I would take one day in jail over 23 days any time.

Lindsay also received 36 months probation, which may be the most telling of her sentence. Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers stated that Lindsay could face more severe penalties if she violates her probation.

Meyers stated that Lohan could get a much stiffer sentence in that event--as much as one year on each drunk driving and cocaine possession charge; however, it would be at the judge's discretion.

The only way Lindsay is going to make it through three years' probation is either to hire a chauffeur or to move out of California.

This girl has proven she is not capable of managing her addictions. Her last arrest came in July only 11 days after she was released from rehab.

One thing we can all count on is hearing more about Lindsay's troubles with the law.

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Drunken Redneck Ukrainian Wedding Fight

Is Ukranian the Russian word for Redneck? You would think so from watching this video of a slam, bam, no-thank-you ma’am, wedding fight. These characters do not mess around when they are fighting. Get an opponent on the ground and they do not let him up no matter what.

The one guy in the dark suit really slammed his head hard into the asphalt when he went down. If he did not end up in the hospital, that would be a surprise. But that is the name of the game. If you cannot take the punishment, don’t get into the fight.



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A Bunch of Irish Drinking Stories

Some stories are better when they are told in bunches. That said, here are a bunch of Irish drinking stories:

Ol’ Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with but a pet dog named Seamus for company. One day poor Seamus up and died, so Muldoon went to see the parish priest.

Muldoon said to Father O‘Hara, “Father, me dog, Seamus, is dead. Could ya' be sayin' a mass for the poor creature?”

Father O’Hara replied, “Oh, I'm afraid not, Muldoon. Canon law says we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the poor beast.”

Muldoon said, “Thank you, Father. I will go see the Baptists right away. Do ya' think $1,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?”

Father O’Hara exclaimed, “Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Muldoon! Now, why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?”

******

Father O'Malley answers the phone.

The voice on the other end of the line asks, “Hello, is this Father O'Malley?”

“It is,” answers O’Malley.

“This is the IRS,” says the voice. “Can you help us?”

“I can.”

“Do you know a Patrick Houlihan?”

“I do.”

“Is he a member of your congregation?”

“He is.”

“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?”

“He will.”

******

Dermot McCann opened his morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read about his own death in the obituary column. He quickly called his best friend, Sean O’Reilly.

“O’Reilly!“ said Dermot. “Did ye see the paper? They say that I died.”

“Yes, I saw it,” replied O’Reilly. Then, O’Reilly paused a bit, then softly asked, “Dermot. Where are ye callin' from?”

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Britney Spears - Mother of the Year?

Is it really possible that Britney Spears could be named Mother-of-the-Year? Stranger things have happened, but the smart money is not on ole Brit' to win this one.

It is far more likely that even Ms. Spears would see this for what it truly is--a nightmare.

Speaking of nightmares, have you heard one of the latest rumors about Britney? It is being reported all over the 'net that Britney and her assistant, Shannon Funk, were caught kissing in the swimming pool together and Britney was topless.

OK! magazine just published a photo that is supposedly the smoking gun. The photo shows Britney kissing Shannon on the cheek and groping Shannon's breast.

Because of that, OK! is labeling Britney both a lesbian and bisexual.

Britney and Shannon are both denying there is any truth to the labels, but this type of publicity only strengthens Kevin Federline's attempt to win custody of their two children, Sean and Jayden.

It appears that Britney needs attention so badly that she will do anything to get it, including sabotaging the custody battle for her sons.

Aah, Britney--poor girl.

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Wedding Video Bloopers

More video bloopers! This time it is your Wedding. Think of all of the things you did not want to go wrong. That's right. They went wrong, they were caught on camera and they are right here in our wedding blooper video.



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George Bush Press Conference Cartoon Humor

George Bush responds to a press conference question about Barack Obama.

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Hillary Clinton Graffiti

The American voter seems to favor Hillary Clinton, according to the latest polls. Don't they remember Bubba saying, "I did not have sex with that woman?"

Are all of the American voters masochists?

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Britney Spears Fights Unfit Mother Label

Britney Spears is now being forced to fight labels that she is an unfit mother. This just the beginning of her legal battles.

According to thebosh.com, Britney's cousin/assistant has just been served with papers by Kevin Federline's lawyer asking questions such as: does Britney change diapers herself, or whether Britney drinks too much. Be prepared for a long, drawn-out court fight.

View Britney's Auto Accident

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Britney Spears Could Lose Her Kids

Britney Spears erratic and irresponsible behavior has given her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, a reason to petition the court for full custody of their two children, Sean and Jayden. Federline did just that on Thursday, petitioning the court for full custody. If the judge grants Federline’s request, Britney could lose her shared custody of her sons.

Britney has been in rehab earlier this year for alcohol addition, plus she has had negative publicity recently when she rammed her Mercedes into another vehicle (see the video) and when a story surfaced that she had engaged in a middle of the night groping incident in a public hotel swimming pool with one of the extras from her recent video shoot.

The photo below shows when one of the paparazzi caught Britney sans underwear as she exited her vehicle. The incident reinforced the public perception that Britney seems continually to make poor decisions.

People magazine is reporting that "Kevin is worried Britney is exposing the boys to unnecessary risk. His lawyer hopes to get Kevin primary custody."

Spears and Federline’s divorce was recently finalized in late July; however, Kevin only reluctantly signed the final papers because he was concerned with Spears recent erratic behavior.

Any judge that does not at least seriously consider Federline’s custody request would be acting irresponsibly because Britney has publicly proven that she is not always capable of wise judgment. News reports regarding Britney have been full of immature behavior on the singer’s part.

Her behavior may now come back to bite her.

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Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan Update

Here are the latest on Britney and Lindsay:

Britney Spears had another public meltdown recently when she smashed her Mercedes into a parked car and did not bother to notify the owner. Video of the incident shown here and on celebtv.com clearly shows Britney ramming her vehicle into a parked Mercedes and showing no apparent concern for what she did to the other vehicle. Her only concern appears to be for the damage to her own Mercedes.

The 25-year-old singer also is the subject of additional gossip regarding a public 2 AM truth-or-dare party game in which Britney reportedly went topless at a hotel swimming pool and allowed herself to be groped and kissed by a 21-year-old extra from her recent video.

Matt Encinias, the actor and college student who fooled around with Britney, said, "Britney was the first one to undress, and then everyone else followed. I turned around and saw that she was topless and she had fake tattoos of flowers on her nipples from the shoot."



Lindsay Lohan rumors abound that she is now pregnant, which is reportedly the real reason she is in hiding at Cirque Lodge rehab treatment center in Sundance Utah. The rumors have been reported on several Internet gossip sites, but there has been no confirmation from anyone in Lindsay’s camp.

Lindsay’s former bodyguard recently came forward in defense of the 21-year-old actress saying that Lindsay’s parents were both abusive and neglectful toward her. Bodyguard, Tony Almeida, claims that he once intervened between Lindsay and her father on the Long Island Espressway when Lindsay’s father was calling her a slut and pushing her against the hood of the car.

"From a young age, she dealt with her father's physical, emotional and drug abuses as well as her mother's drinking," Almeida said. He also said that Lindsay’s mother, Dina Lohan, allowed her to sleep over with boys at the age of 15.

The bodyguard also revealed that Dina also “let her do whatever she wanted, just to keep her happy and working. (At her 16th birthday party) Lindsay drank whatever she wanted – I saw her drinking beer and mixed drinks with my own eyes,” he said.

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Redneck High School Reunion

If one ordinary picture is worth a thousand words, this photo should be worth one dictionary. We have all seen some Gatorade moments on the sidelines of football games, but this moment is about to be priceless.

You get the invitation to your high school reunion, and you think, “yeah. Why not go?”

Well, here is your reason because this is about to be one wet get together.

Notice how everyone is smiling--except for that one stick-in-the-mud towards the bottom right side. Do you think he knew what was about to happen? One can only guess.

There had to have been a choice few who knew what was up because it is almost impossible to keep that many folks in the dark on something this big and this wet. That fellow on the far left appears to have the biggest smile of all. Could it be that he deliberately positioned himself far enough away from the waterfalls so that he remained high and dry?

Or perhaps this is someone’s idea of an involuntary wet t-shirt contest. If that is the case, then the only winners are the ones on the roof.

Regardless of who knew what in advance, this will be one unforgettable reunion.

What do you think they will have planned for the next year?

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Lindsay Lohan Enters Rahab for Third Time

Lindsay Lohan is giving rehab another try. According to theInsiderOnline.com, Lindsay has gone to Sundance, Utah, and checked into the Cirque Lodge, which bills itself as a center that treats drug and alcohol addiction, and provides detoxification and treatment for substance abuse.

Town and Country magazine lists Cirque Lodge as one of the top rehab centers in the nation. Prices start at a whopping $30,000 and rapidly head up from there.

The facilities (on the right) are lush, plush and top of the line.

Lindsay is expected to stay at Cirque for a minimum of 30 days. She tried rehab back in January at Wonderland in California, and then underwent treatment at the Promises clinic in Malibu in May.

Unfortunately, neither of the first two treatments seems to have made a significant difference, because Lindsay had a meltdown in late July, when she was arrested after allegedly chasing the mother of her former assistant through the streets of Los Angeles in her SUV.

She faces charges of two DUIs, possession of cocaine, and driving with a suspended license. She could easily end up with a year or more in prison because of her recent run ins with the law.

That is a pretty extensive rap sheet for someone who just turned 21 in early July.

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Kitty Cat Video Bloopers

Amazing kitty cat video bloopers. Cats can be very cute and funny at the same time, and these cats were caught in the act of being both. If you have ever owned a cat, you know that they can do some very strange things. Here are some real life examples caught on film.



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Ad Libs from a Talking Photo Booth

Okay. This talking photo booth is simply priceless! Where else can you find a talking photo booth that spits out incredible ad libs that make you laugh out loud? And I do not laugh out loud easily.

Only a true comedic mind is capable of such quick retorts. The video is hosted over at JibJab.com, the folks who came up with such terrific political humor during the 2004 presidential election.

Do not click away before you see this video. You will be glad you stayed.


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Not Enough Headroom?

We have all been there, trying to cram something into a space that is just a bit too small. This is another funny commercial that makes fun of not enough headroom.



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Redneck Treadmill

Even a treadmill can be a redneck. Watch this commercial and you will know why. This kind of day can be funny when it is happening to the other guy and not to you.

This video is short and sweet and worth your time.

Sometimes this is the result when you go with the lowest price. There is a reason why some folks opt for quality.

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