Guess what used to be one of the most popular vanity license plates in all 50 states?
Of course it is only popular with the male half of the population. The female half possess a vastly different outlook on what is most popular.
I have yet to meet the missus that is willing to allow her better half to drive around town with a license plate like that. Maybe that is why the guy hates his wife, because she won't let him broadcast the fact that he hates her.
He probably would not hate her as much if she would let him tell the world that he hates her. And if he were totally free to proclaim that he hates her, maybe he wouldn't even hate her at all. But that gets into too much of which came first, the chicken or the egg.
There is probably a female counterpart to that plate, maybe something like this:
But the real reason that these folks hate either their wives or their men is because they fall into this category:
However, you don't see many plates like that driving around because of the strict rules of the motor vehicle departments around the nation. It's not that they don't want you telling folks that you hate your life. We all hate our lives to some degree; it's part of life to hate your life.
No, it's simpler than that. Most DMVs will no longer allow the combination of the letter "H" with the number "8." They claim they do not want to spread hatred.
Now that sounds like an admirable goal, but we know the real reason! The real reason is that they want to censor what you want to say.
Well, down with censorship! This is the Internet and we will say what ever we want to say! And we are going to start saying it right now!
We start with simple redneck license plates like this:
Or this:
Because we want to explore the redneck mentality in all of us, let's skate a little closer to the edge, like this:
Now that sounds sweet and innocent to most of us, but to Bubba, it really means this:
As we explore redneck family relationships even more we find that family reunions get very complicated. Here is one possibility:
And this license plate returns us to that chicken or the egg concept again. Did sis come first or did mom come first? I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.
Now if sis had a headache back when dad made his move on sis, that means that Bubba wouldn't even be here. How's that for complicated?
At that family reunion I heard Jim Bob say, "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" Did he mean that literally?
We have barely scratched the surface with redneck license plates. Think of the possibilities that beckon our exploration in this area, and think of the interesting posts that promise to come from it all.
I borrowed a little time to throw in a short one today--short and sweet, I hope.
I could be wrong, but I think we have another redneck here. This tugboat captain is definitely in the wrong place at the wrong time. Some folks make a habit of that activity, and we call those folks rednecks.
Don't know if this tug captain qualifies, but he sure is behaving like he does.
Have a look at Tug at the Bow, and, no honey, that ain't no country western song:
My guess is that the tug's captain will always think of this when he hears the US Navy's theme song, Anchors Aweigh.
Redneck Industrialists. Boy that sounds like a mouthful, but we are referring to our friendly redneck crane operators who usually operate their cranes in industrial locations, hence the term industrialist.
To my knowledge, you do not need a license to operate a crane, but they are devilishly difficult pieces of machinery to operate correctly. That thankfully results in many botched jobs by crane operators, which is to our advantage because many of the crane operator bloopers have been caught on film, and we get to howl at their mistakes here.
We begin with a scene from a movie that involves, what else, a crane.
If you have never seen a movie from 1988 entitledA Fish Called Wanda, run (don't walk) down to the neighborhood video store and rent it immediately! Do not wait on the chance that someone else in your neighborhood will see this post and beat you to the video store. You absolutely must see this movie right away because it is that funny!
The film features John Cleese, Kevin Kline, Jamie Lee Curtis and Michael Palin and it is no exaggeration when I tell you it is absolutely hilarious. Rent it when you have some extra time because you will want to watch it twice.
Kevin Kline won an Oscar for best supporting actor, but John Cleese and Michael Palin should also have won Oscars. Maybe Jamie Lee should have won one too, but she played a sexy crook. Since she is naturally sexy, she really did not have to act as much as the others did.
I have had a thing for Jamie Lee since I was old enough to tell the difference between men and women, so I am a little biased here. Since we all know that gratuitous sex and violence sells in this day and age, I have added a photo of Jamie Lee back when she was a bit younger.
The photo fulfills our quota of gratuitous sex for this post, plus there is plenty of violence, so to speak, in the videos.
All of the other actors in the film, writers (John Cleese and Charles Crichton) and the director (also Charles Crichton) won other awards for the movie and deservedly so. It is the remarkable cast that makes this movie so funny.
If you intend to rent the movie, skip past the first video now to the second video so that we won't spoil any of the film for you.
The following video is a scene from the movie in which a criminal, Ken (Michael Palin), is trying to kill an elderly woman and make it look like an accident. He screwed up his first two attempts and killed two of the lady's dogs instead. Ken is an animal lover so it bothered him enormously when he killed the first two dogs. Killing people however comes second nature to him.
The scene begins as Ken is making his third attempt to kill the little old lady, and he is using a crane to do it. This scene is what prompted me to search for funny videos using cranes.
The following video is from the movie "A Fish Called Wanda:"
As you will see in the other vids, cranes naturally lend themselves to funny situations.
If you skipped ahead because you had not seen "A Fish Called Wanda," pick up the thread here.
Our next video involves a crane and a port-a-potty, or modern day outhouse. I, for one, cannot imagine what could possibly be funny about the combination of those two.
The Crane vs The Outhouse or Let's Embarrass the Boss:
Well, all I can say is Oh Crap! And I thought that I was having a bad day. Hopefully, for the crane operator's sake, it was his last day on the job. Because if it wasn't before it is now.
You noticed, I hope, that the occupant of our port-a-potty is a white collar type. What do you want to bet that the beneficiary (translation = victim) of our outhouse humor is the boss.
The crane operator saw the opportunity and he went for it. If you are going to get fired, this is the way to go out. Payback is so sweet, is it not? Haven't we all had at least one boss that we wish we could have done that to?
The happy ending here would be to convince the old man that it truly was an accident and to keep your job.
"Boss, I am so sorry. I don't know how that happened. The crane controls should be checked out. I didn't mean to do it! etc., etc."
If you were a good enough actor, you would get completely reinstated to your old position as crane operator. Then you could lie in wait to do it all over again.
You know, I have to admit that I really like that one. After watching it several times, I still laugh every time I see it.
*****
Mechanical contractors often use cranes, but sometimes they use levers and fulcrums when using a crane just isn't feasible. Here are a couple of installation contractors that remind me very much of Laurel and Hardy.
Installation Blues:
Yep! Just like Laurel and Hardy. But as funny as that video is, there are several things that just aren't right about it. What contractor will move a spindle that large by manual labor anymore? Because of unions, contractors use heavy lifting equipment for any work that big.
Why didn't they take the cable off of the spindle and move it up via the elevator? And notice the black mat right where the spindle goes through the "window." That spot is clearly where a door would normally be.
Unfortunately, this one is fake, but it's a good fake and it's funny. So we will let it ride.
*****
In the next one you have to notice the dog, which is a Pomeranian, I think. It is just like the dog in the clip from A Fish Called Wanda. And nope! That's no coincidence.
I knew someone with a Pomeranian when I was young, and that blasted dog would bark and bite constantly. I cannot count how many times that dog bit me. So any time a Pomeranian gets it, my heart dances an Irish jig.
That's another reason to like A Fish Called Wanda. Sorry animal lovers. Dogs? I love them, but Pomeranians? No Thanks.
The crane versus the Pomeranian:
Didn't you just love it when the crane operator ran away? Yes, he is in big trouble. If they ever try to enact a law requiring crane operators to be licensed, be sure to oppose it because we need the videos. That car was totally squashed, wasn't it? Thank you Mr. redneck industrialist crane operator.
Ah! Irish drinking stories, Irish blessings and Irish proverbs are my favorite posts. If for some reason I could not post these, I might forget the activity altogether. And we do have some remarkable samples today, if I do say so myself.
Thomas O’Shea, an Irish solicitor from Waterford County, was on holiday in the country doing a bit of fox hunting. After a long chase and a valiant effort on the part of the fox, his group’s wounded prey had somehow managed to wiggle through a very small hole in a farmer’s fence and had met its end in the farmer's field just the other side of the fence. The group’s dogs were unable to get through the fence, so they all gathered nearby the fence hole and at the same time were letting out a howling and ruckus that could be heard throughout the countryside.
As O’Shea dismounted his horse and began climbing over the fence to retrieve the fox, the elderly farmer who owned the land was drawn over to the site by the dogs’ incessant barking. The farmer, who went by the name of William Walsh, suddenly appeared before O’Shea and asked him what he was up to.
The litigator replied, "I shot that fox that you see lying there that my dogs chased over the countryside and through your fence, and now I intend to pick it up."
However, old man Walsh had a different take on the situation and said to O’Shea in a rather smart tongue, "This is my property that ye’ve crossed onto, and I'm a’tellin’ ye that ye’re not takin’ my fox with ye.”
“Your fox!” cried O’Shea, who had become indignant at the mere thought that the fox belonged to the farmer. "I'll have you know that I’ve chased that fox for kilometers, I have. Over hills and dales and through creek beds we ran. I’ve chased down that fox fair and square, and I intend to take it back with me to the clubhouse, oh yes I do!”
Old William Walsh replied, “The law says ye cannot hunt on a farmer’s land without his permission, and ye do not have my permission. The fox is mine.”
“The law!” yelled O’Shea. “I’ll have you know that I'm one of the very best solicitors in all of Ireland, I am. If you don't let me retrieve that fox, I'll take you to court for everything that you own!"
Old man Walsh cast a cagey eye over his adversary, then he said, "Well now, being as how ye're a city feller and not from around here, ye don't know how folks around here settle these things. Hereabouts we use the triple-kick method.”
"And what might that be?" asked the lawyer, sensing that there may be a way to settle this to his satisfaction.
Old Walsh said, "First I kick ye three times. Then ye do the same to me. We go back and forth like that till one or ta udder gives up."
Thomas O’Shea ran this thought over in his mind. He soon decided that he could easily take this old man, and quickly agreed to the farmer‘s offer.
The old farmer slowly walked over to O‘Shea. Then he suddenly swung a hard right kick that implanted the toe of his heavy work boot into the solicitor's privates, a kick that dropped Thomas O’Shea quickly to his knees.
The farmer then let loose with a second blow to O’Shea’s face that nearly broke the lawyer’s nose clean off of his face.
O’Shea lay prostrate on the ground in agony as the farmer prepared his third kick. It landed smack dab in the solicitor’s kidney forcing him to arch his back in profound pain. Writhing in absolute agony, the attorney was unsure whether or not he would be able to rise now that his turn had come.
Severe pain wracked O’Shea’s entire body as he dug deep down into his very soul for every ounce of will power and strength. Slowly, he dragged himself to an upright position with only thoughts of revenge raging through his head. O’Shea growled to Walsh, "Okay, you old fart, now it's my turn.”
To which old man Walsh just smiled and said, "Naw! I believe that I'll give up now. Ye won. Ye can have the fox."
An Irish Drinking Toast:
May your glass be ever full, May the roof over your head be always strong, And may you be in heaven Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
*****
Another Irish Toast:
Tis better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money!
*****
Grady Quinn entered McCafferty’s Pub looking for someone he might know. He spied old Colin Murphy alone at a table, drinking all by himself and drinking fast and loose, he was. As Grady approached old Colin he noticed that Colin looked in terrible shape. “Colin,” said Grady. "You look just terrible, you do. What's wrong my friend?"
Said Colin, "Me mother died in July, leavin’ me $40,000, she did."
“Oh No!” replied Grady. “Well, no wonder you…”
“Wait!” interrupted Colin. “There’s more. Then in August me dear dad up and passed from the consumption. The dear man left me $80,000, he did."
"Well, Colin, that’s just awful,” answered Grady. “Losing both of your parents in two months time would put a strain on the best of us, it would. No wonder you're in here drinkin’ your sorrows away."
"Listen!” said Colin. “There’s more yet. Then last month me favorite aunt fell sick and passed, just like that, she did. The dear soul left me $38,000."
"Oh, Colin! You poor, poor man,” said Grady. “Losin’ three dear loved ones in just three months time. How terribly sad."
"Then this month!" continued Colin. "This month came and went, it did. And…nothing!…absolutely nothing!"
*****
An Irish Blessing to Luck:
"May you have all the happiness and luck that life can hold— And at the end of all your rainbows may you find a pot of gold."
*****
Another Irish Blessing to Luck:
"May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights."
*****
Tis a little known fact that the Irish claim that Jesus was Irish. Of course, the claim usually arises only after a few pints have been consumed.
So, why do the Irish believe that Jesus was Irish?
Because he was 33, still lived at home, thought his mother was a virgin and she thought he was the son of God.
*****
Another Irish Blessing:
Like the warmth of the sun And the light of the day, May the luck of the Irish Shine bright on your way.
*****
And we end our Blessings with a Gaelic Prayer that is centuries old. There are many versions of this Blessing, and this is but one of them:
Deep peace of the running waves to you. Deep peace of the flowing air to you. Deep peace of the smiling stars to you. Deep peace of the quiet earth to you. Deep peace of the watching shepherds to you. Deep peace of the Son of Peace to you.
*****
Our video once again features Celtic Woman this time singing "Spanish Lady":
We are in a sort of redneck state of mind today, and what could be more redneck than hand grenades?
Ever wonder what might happen if rednecks were allowed to carry hand grenades? Surely they would carry grenades while hunting, which means that Vice Presidents could do so too.
Eventually we would see a news report that Vice President Dick Cheney blew up a lawyer while quail hunting. Naturally, the lawyer would insist that the explosion was his fault, not the Vice President's.
"It was imprudent of that attorney to have been standing so near that quail when the Vice President was hunting with hand grenades," said the white house spokesman.
At least, if you hunted quail with hand grenades, all of the bird's feathers would be plucked automatically. But so would most of the rest of the bird. Not much bird left to eat at all, actually.
But it's the thrill of the hunt that we really seek. Food gathering qualifies as a mere secondary goal and is not even remotely significant.
And, strangely enough, that is also the mind set of the lads in our first video, which covers this issue quite thoroughly, thank you. Have a look.
*****
One need not be an adult to wear the redneck label. The young lad on the bike in this next video is well on his way to becoming a full blown redneck, if he has not already arrived there.
But the kid was obviously talked into this stunt. He apparently has several accomplices in the remarkably "intelligent" video. There are two photographers on screen right plus the motorcyclist who helped the teen pick up enough speed to enable the loud smack when the biker and the sign violently meet.
You can also hear the muffled snickering in the background after the biker crouches below the sign in a daze.
Gather one highly impressionable teenager with two or three young men who are only slightly older, and, voila!, you suddenly have a teen willing to do just about anything to fit in with the older guys.
*****
It clearly must be James Bond behind the wheel in our last video because this driver is one cool customer as he waits on the train tracks until the last possible moment to accelerate his vehicle out of the train's path. There was not even one second to spare.
If you were able to time the gap between the car leaving the tracks and the train arriving at the intersection, it must be only a fraction of a second. But that is clearly what the videographer wanted.
The near miss is what makes the video worth watching. No one gets worked up about a three second near miss. But a near miss of less than one second will make the video popular all over the Internet.
My guess is the driver is another teenager, and he is probably driving the folks' car. If this kid lives long enough, he may make a terrific movie stunt man. However, if he continues taking chances like this, the kid may well be history before he has an opportunity to grow into any kind of man.
The staff and patrons of McCafferty's Pub are proud to announce that once again we are the recipients of a first place award in a prestigious humor competition. The boys in blue over at Mattress Police recently awarded McCafferty's Pub the highly coveted "In Your Face" award for our first place finish in the competitive Mattress Police Caption Contest.
We are especially proud recipients of this renowned trophy because it is the second time that the folks at Mick's Pub have won first place in the eminent humor tournament. Because the competition for the top three places in the event is so stiff, we not so humbly pat our own selves on the back for a job well done.
The object of the contest is to take a normal (or absurd) photograph and insert a humorous caption. The caption judged to be the funniest is the winner. Sounds simple enough, we know, but it looks a lot easier than it is.
Below is our winning entry:
The second place caption, "The girls were shocked to meet a man that even Samantha wouldn't sleep with," was courtesy of Sarah over at Teetotaled.com.
Third place, "Hey! Is that an original Thomas Kinkade? I'm so bidding on that," (which is an inside joke intended for readers of the Mattress Police blog) was an inspiration of Shelley at I Miss My Sanity.
The cops over at Mattress Police also have a site known as Humor-Blogs that is a directory for humor related blogs on the Net. Now you may be tempted to check out these other sites that I have listed here, but I really would not recommend it.
The writers at these sites are entirely too gifted and actually write funny material. The Humor-Blogs site lists hundreds of blogs that are intended to be funny. If you visit any of these sites you will waste entirely too much time and might even hurt yourself from laughing too much. Some visitors have been known to come down with side cramps from all of the laughing and giggling.
The caption contest at Mattress Police is held every other Friday or so, but please don't visit the site. We don't need any more competition.
We have some remarkable sporting feats and bloopers in both photos and videos today. Naturally some are obviously staged, but even the staged ones are exceptional. Now, most of these folks cannot be labeled as rednecks, but a handful can. See if you can guess which ones are the rednecks.
Imagine a human billboard with the participants playing either football or soccer, depending on what part of the world you live in. The location is somewhere in East Asia (who can tell Japanese writing from Chinese? Not I).
It's not a new idea. Microsoft had a similar billboard for the opening of Microsoft Vista, and we even found a similar billboard in a movie musical from 1929. But believe that you need remarkable athletic ability to play soccer with your body parallel to the ground high above the streets below.
This type of stunt provides a mountain of publicity, as you can see from the crowds in the streets beneath the billboard. But this one qualifies as a "Don't do this at home." If you try it at home, we never heard of you.
No, no, no! You're supposed to hit the ball with the bat, not with your face. Well, at least that is a good start to our bloopers, although that had to hurt. But the best bloopers are on video, so let's take a look.
*****
Our videos are all short, so try not to worry about your time commitment. The first one is a terrific example of an incredibly talented girl baseball player. Even Tori Hunter could not make this catch any better.
Hopefully, you caught on that the video is fake and is for an upcoming commercial. But real or fake, it was fun anyway.
The next video shows you a side of fatherhood that none of us aspire toward.
Oooh! Litle girl! If you only knew what you just did. I can really feel for that poor guy. You women will never know how incredibly painful that is.
Video No. 3 shows how juvenile delinquency can go so very wrong and never turns out the way you planned.
That kid was ever so lucky because he could have been burned so much worse. I remember doing some dumb things as a kid, but I was never that dumb.
Our final video proves that, despite the best of intentions, accidents do happen.
Now that is one understanding mother. How she ever learned to be that good natured is beyond belief.
McCafferty's Pub - a collection of video humor, jokes, funny stories, photos and anecdotes. Special sections are devoted to redneck humor, celebrity humor, grandchildren humor, humorous videos, barroom humor, clean men's room humor and a lot more. If nothing else, you will leave us a bit refreshed.
The good Lord created only two kinds of people in the world: those who are Irish and those who wish they were.
Resep Soto Ayam Surabaya
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*Resep Soto Ayam Surabaya* - Makanan berkuah seperti soto ayam, masih
menjadi salah satu kuliner favorit kebanyakan masyarakat Indonesia. Meski
secara tam...
Of course it is only popular with the male half of the population. The female half possess a vastly different outlook on what is most popular.
Now that sounds sweet and innocent to most of us, but to Bubba, it really means this:
As we explore redneck family relationships even more we find that family reunions get very complicated. Here is one possibility:
And this license plate returns us to that chicken or the egg concept again. Did sis come first or did mom come first? I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.
