Lindsay Lohan Beats System, Gets One Day in Jail

Lindsay Lohan entered a plea agreement in Los Angeles County Superior Court that allows her to serve only one day in jail.

Lohan was charged with seven misdemeanor counts stemming from two drunken driving arrests in the last four months.

Felony charges of possession of cocaine were not filed because of the small of cocaine Lindsay possessed when she was arrested.

Lindsay is shown here smiling. You would be smiling too if you just avoided what might have been a long jail sentence.

Lohan also must serve tens days of community service and complete a drug treatment program.

Lindsay proved that it pays to have good lawyers because it was reported earlier that she could have received a sentence of at least a year in prison.

Los Angeles court officials stated that Lohan received the same sentence that anyone else would get. That seems a bit hard to believe considering the sentence Paris Hilton received earlier this year.

Paris spent 23 days of a 45 day sentence she received for lesser charges.

If I ever get arrested in LA, give me the phone number to Lindsay's lawyers. I would take one day in jail over 23 days any time.

Lindsay also received 36 months probation, which may be the most telling of her sentence. Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers stated that Lindsay could face more severe penalties if she violates her probation.

Meyers stated that Lohan could get a much stiffer sentence in that event--as much as one year on each drunk driving and cocaine possession charge; however, it would be at the judge's discretion.

The only way Lindsay is going to make it through three years' probation is either to hire a chauffeur or to move out of California.

This girl has proven she is not capable of managing her addictions. Her last arrest came in July only 11 days after she was released from rehab.

One thing we can all count on is hearing more about Lindsay's troubles with the law.

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Paris Hilton Disinherited

Paris Hilton has reportedly been cut off from her inheritance by her billionaire grandfather according to ninemsn.com.au in Australia. Paris was supposedly to receive a $59 million inheritance from her grandfather, Conrad Hilton, the co-chairman of the Hilton Hotel chain.

The 79-year-old Hilton appears to be so fed up with how Paris has sullied the family name that he has also cut off his 10 other grandchildren too. He will instead put the family fortune into a charitable foundation.

Can't you just hear the rest of the family? "Thanks a lot Paris!" Won't she be the popular one at the next family reunion?

How could any grandfather be ashamed of a granddaughter who dresses like the photo to the left? What is there not to like about this look?

Nicole Richie, Paris' sidekick in their TV show "The Simple Life," was just sentenced to 96 hours in jail for driving under the influence of drugs. Richie is also three months pregnant.

Meanwhile, our favorite Parisian has put her Los Angeles home up for sale to the tune of $4.25 million according to thebosh.com. It seems that Paris wants to move to a bigger house in a gated community.

Why would a narcissist like Paris want to live where it is harder to be seen? Isn't that simply defeating the whole purpose of her existence?

All of the Parisites (Paris Hilton supporters) out there can take comfort from the report that Paris is working on her second singing album, even though the first was a bit of a flop.

Plus, her Internet sex video is being readied for its second release. This time it will have a jail house flavor.

Aah! Don't you just love America? Capitalism is everywhere.

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One more celebrity at the side of the road-it seems to be pretty busy over there. This time it is Paris Hilton over there and she needs help. But, of course, we all knew that.



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Paris has More Graffiti?

Hey! Wait just a minute. Is it possible? Do you think that all of the recent Paris Hilton publicity may be connected to her love of publicity?

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Paris Jail Release Photos

Here are some photos I found at different sites on the net of Paris Hilton being released from jail. Look at them now, because the lawyers will probably be yelling to take them down due to copyright issues.

This 26-year-old socialite looks pretty happy to be free at this point. Here is Paris as she walks out of the jail house.

What I have noticed is that a whole lot of people are pretty mad at all of the publicity that Paris has been getting for being a bad girl.

The younger folks just do not know that this is how it is in this world. And this is how it has always been.

Paris Hilton is probably the most famous person in the world today, and it is not because she has accomplished anything in her young life.

She is a 26-year-old lily white porn star who was a nobody until she exposed herself to the world with an x-rated Internet video.

Before that she was nothing but a spoiled rich girl.

Now she's a spoiled little rich girl who's been to prison--for 23 days. Big deal!




Here is what Forbes and the telegraph.co.uk in Great Britain said Paris has earned in recent years:

2003-2004: $2 million.

2004-2005: $6.5 million.

2005-2006: $7 million.

Does anybody want to guess what she will make in the rest of 2007? I think it will be a whole lot more than that.

Hugging her mom Kathy Hilton

All because of a DUI and driving with a suspended license.

A DUI costs normal everyday people a small fortune in lawyers' fees and court costs, and high auto insurance fees.

Paris is turning 23 days in the slammer into a bonanza.


Paris and Mom, Kathy, in their SUV



Just think of what may happen now. She begins with the Larry King show. After that she will obviously have offers for public appearances, movies, videos, musical appearances.

It doesn't matter if she has any talent or not. She is a household name now, and that sells. People will tune in just to see Paris, the poor little rich girl porn star turned parolee.


They say in Hollywood that any publicity is good publicity. Well, now we will see if that is true.

If Paris' career skyrockets from this point onward, those 23 days in the cooler will be time well spent.





It is quite likely that she will make a whole lot more than the $7 million she made last year. But, of course, to her it is not the money because she has all of the money that she needs.

Pairs seems to need to be wanted and loved, and, sadly, this will bring some of that to her in the form of fan worship.

Think there are enough paparazzi?

To top it all off. She is going to have to live in this dump in Bel-Air.

Poor little rich girl!














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Huge Party Planned for Paris Hilton

Our favorite Parisian, Paris Hilton, is wasting no time getting back into party mode. The Times of London is reporting online that Rick and Kathy Hilton, Paris’ parents, are planning a huge bash at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas after her release from the slammer on Tuesday.

Kathy Hilton is reportedly “seeking sponsors” for Paris’ welcome home party in Caesars’ casino. It appears that we now know where Paris learned her yen for lavish parties. When you are “seeking sponsors” for your coming home bash, it is unlikely that it will be a small family affair.

Hollywood.com, on the other hand, is reporting that Kathy Hilton said she is planning only a time at the family home for Paris to “decompress.”

And, according to the Associated Press, Paris is scheduled to be Larry King’s guest for one hour on Wednesday, June 27th. There had been rumors that Paris was to receive as much as one million dollars to be interviewed on the Today Show on NBC. ABC also was rumored to have Barbara Walters interview Paris.

However, CNN’s spokesperson, Bridget Leininger, confirmed that Paris will be on “Larry King Live” on Wednesday. CNN has stated that Paris is not receiving any compensation for the interview.

If the party rumors are true, hopefully, Lindsay Lohan will be released from her rehab session at Mailbu’s Promises addiction clinic by the time Paris’ party rolls around so that she would be able to attend the gala. But that is probably unlikely.

Lindsay had to cancel her own birthday bash scheduled for July 2nd at PURE nightclub in Las Vegas because of her stay at Promises. Paris will undoubtedly not wait to party hearty because she has denied herself any indulgence since she entered the slammer the night of June 3rd.

23 days without indulging is difficult for any addict, so you should rest assured that Paris is ready to party. It seems that her parents appear ready, willing and able to help her obtain that goal.

It sounds a bit like a broken record, doesn’t it? Paris ends up in the cooler because she violates her probation which started with a DUI. Now it appears she is all set to do it all over again.

Some things never change.

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Paris Prison Release Tuesday

Paris Hilton is scheduled to be released from prison on Tuesday, June 26th, the early release will be her reward for her good behavior while incarcerated.

It was originally reported by “The New York Post” that Paris had landed a one million dollar payday for an NBC Today show interview after her release, however, NBC has denied this rumor. She was also rumored to be scheduled to be interviewed by Barbara Walters of ABC, but ABC has also denied that report.

It is certainly possible that the two networks were competing for the first post prison Paris Hilton interview but then backed off because of negative public reaction. ABC News and Reuters are reporting that all three major networks are denying that any one of them intended to interview our favorite Parisian; however, it is more likely that they were simply testing the waters to gauge public reaction to the concept.

When public reaction turned negative toward a celebration of her release from the cooler, the networks probably thought better of their plan to reward Paris and her Parasites (supporters) with even greater media attention. It is very likely, however, that Paris will be able to turn this jail time into a hefty payday. Her name is now a household word, and dollars usually follow celebrity in the good old USA. A smaller media entity will probably make the jump to touting Paris’ release with an interview or TV show of some sort. As long as the payoff is under a million dollars and they are discrete about the affair, the uproar might be kept to a minimum.

“The Washington Post” reported on Saturday that “People” magazine confirmed that it has cut a deal with Getty Images for first photos of Paris’ release. “The New York Post” has reported that deal could be worth as much as $300,000.

In an issue related to Paris’ prison release, the international liquor consumption rankings were recently released. The USA wound up in 40th place internationally when it comes to liquor consumption. The US used to be in first place in past years, and for years drank in the kudos for being the king of consumption. However, it is rumored that the US might once again regain its old world ranking title once Paris Hilton is released from slammer and Lindsay Lohan finds her way out of rehab.

LA nightclubs have been hurting for business since the two celebrities were forced out of the nightclub scene. Layoffs and grumbling have been the mainstay at most joints. The duos’ release should add a bit to the morale of an industry that was recently ailing. Then, with those two at the helm of our ship, we should be able to again bring the USA to a position of prominence within the liquor consumption rankings.

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Paris Hilton Graffiti Again

Did you know one of David Letterman's recent top ten reasons why Paris Hilton was not doing well in prison? She was suffering from insomnia because she’s not used to sleeping in the same bed every night.

Well, I guess that this little excerpt of graffiti pretty much confirms that.

Paris seems to get around, doesn't she? But at least she was sleeping back when this graffiti was written. The prison scuttlebutt has it that she hasn't been doing a lot of that since she's been confined to the slammer.

The grapevine also hinted that she would not eat and would not even go to the toilet because she was afraid that one of the guards would photograph her on the john and sell the photo to the tabloids.

Come to think of it, those tabloids probably would pay for a photo like that. Quite a society we have, where you cannot even go to the toilet for fear a photo of the act will end up in the media.

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Hiltons Slight Prisoners

CanWest News Service and the Canadian National Post reported Wednesday that Paris Hilton’s parents, Rick and Kathy Hilton, reportedly cut in line ahead of others prison visitors in order to get in to see their daughter sooner.

Naturally, this report prompted more complaints that Paris, the heiress, is indeed receiving special treatment at the jail.

What is it with the Hilton family? Why do over privileged folks not understand that they are nothing special?

That is the real problem here.

Paris and her parents actually believe that they are deserving of special treatment and do not belong standing in line with the rest of us.

It is pretty apparent that Rick and Kathy Hilton have raised Paris to believe that playing by the rules is one rule that belongs only to the lower classes of society. Their behavior throughout this ordeal that the Parisian has been living through is a very clear indication that they believe that such rules do not apply to them.

The Hilton’s line cutting resulted in some visitors’ visits being cut short, while other visits were delayed only for the purpose of allowing the Hiltons to see the Parisian at their convenience.

Although few of us like the idea of the Hiltons cutting in line, they are either very brave or incredibly short of intellect. My guess is the latter.

It has been widely reported, for example, that the Twin Towers Correctional Facility in Los Angeles houses quite a few murderers. Insulting a mother murderer or a father rapist does not sound like an intelligent plan to me.

“Oh, we will just jump ahead of the family of the guy who just cut off his mother’s head. What is he going to do? Kill us?

Hey! This is LA. Stranger things have happened here.

My old man taught me to pick my fights, and it was a wise lesson I learned. Maybe Rick Hilton was in bed sick on the day when his father was meting out such wisdom.

How can one ignore a concept as basic as the one that tells you that prisoners have a tendency to remember when they have been slighted. That is why they are prisoners. They have acted violently when slighted in the past. And history does repeat itself--often.

Wouldn’t that be a twist to this bizarre tale. Kathy or Rick Hilton stabbed while visiting the Parisian. Wouldn't the media have a field day with that?

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Paris Hilton Better Off in Jail?

If you haven't heard by now, it's history. Paris Hilton is back in jail.

Talk about injustice! Can anyone possibly believe that our favorite Parisian deserves to be back in the cooler? Of course not! Here is a photo of Paris' estate in Bel-Air, California. Just look at that dump.

How could any judge possibly believe that living there for 40 days and 40 nights is anything but torture?

If you are late to the party, the LA County Sheriff had decided that being confined to this Bel-Air hell hole would be sufficient punishment for Paris Hilton's transgressions against society. And he was so right.

Can you imagine lying in bed in your second floor master bedroom and you suddenly have a yen for a bottle of Perrier? You would have to walk down an entire flight of stairs to the kitchen just to quench your thirst. What a shocking way to live!

All Parisites (Paris Hilton supporters) should understand that our favorite Parisian is so much better off residing in the county cooler. It is cruel and inhuman punishment to expect anyone to suffer through the indignities of living in Bel-Air.

Now, at least, Paris will have an on-site staff to cater to her every need, which is the way it should be. Paris is just too special to be forced into any lifestyle that does not include a staff to lock her cell door after her.

Actually, all of the to-do about Paris Hilton's latest exploits is an excellent boon to the nation's economy. Look at all of the employment she is creating. You have scores of reporters covering her every move. Look at all of the paparazzi gathered outside Paris' estate in the photo above. Without Paris these people would be out of work.

Paris has also created extra jobs at the David Letterman and Jay Leno shows. Both shows have been hiring additional comedy writers because the current staff simply cannot write jokes fast enough. They need more writers just to keep up with the demand for the jokes.

And people around the world are beginning to make fun of the Los Angeles justice system, which Jimmy Kimmel was quick to defend. Said Jimmy, "I don’t see any other city throwing Paris Hilton in jail."

Now that Paris is back in jail, we can return to making fun of how poorly she was doing while in the slammer. Here is a video of David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons why Paris isn't doing so well in Prison:



10. Suffering from insomnia because she’s not used to sleeping in the same bed every night.

9. Too depressed to participate in prison riots

8. Desperate for intimacy, she made a boyfriend out of a stuffed laundry bag.

7. She's ballooned to 93 pounds.

6. Only time she said, "That's hot!" was during delousing.

5. Knitted a tea cozy from rat fur (sorry — that joke was left over from an old Martha Stewart list)

4. Only call she received was from Eddie Brill asking for her out cue.

3. Was overheard muttering something about voting for Kucinich.

2. Started a pen pal romance with Phil Spector.

1. At last night's conjugal she seemed distant.

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No More Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton is out of jail in record time. Five days and she's out!

Do you still think the rich and famous get treated the same as the rest of us? How many poor African-American women get released from a 45 day jail sentence in only five Days? Zero!

How many poor Puerto Rican women get released from a 45 day jail sentence in only five days? Zero!

How many poor Hispanic women get released from a 45 day jail sentence in only five days? Zero!

How much confidence does this second generation son of Irish immigrants now have in the US legal system?

You guessed it! I don't even have to say it. I wonder how much red tape there is in emigrating to Ireland?

Do you think somebody was paid off? Oh no! That never happens.

Here's a little of what David Letterman had to say:

"She wasn't in long enough to sober up."

"Now Paris is under house arrest on a four acre Bel-Air estate. That will teach her."

Jay Leno asked: "How did the other women treat her? They cursed at her, spit on her and pulled her hair. They treated her just like Lindsay Lohan does."

This certainly makes me want to buy one of her CDs or DVDs.

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Paris Hilton In Jail Photo?

Is this the first photo of Paris Hilton in her jail cell?

No, this is merely an artist's rendition of what Paris might look like in her new surroundings.

But if there is any truth to what was reported at tmz.com, Paris does not look so smug right now.

Tmz.com is reporting that "Paris is scared," and that she "has been crying on the phone, saying she's not sleeping or eating."

Paris reportedly has said that her cell is "freezing cold." She has three small blankets and no pillow, and she is using one of the blankets as a pillow.

CBS news is reporting that LA authorities whizzed Paris through her enrollment process in one hour, as opposed to the 24 hours it normally takes, while a bail bondsman reported that some of the other inmates were taunting Paris for the special treatment she was receiving.

David Letterman said that Paris is surrounded by drug dealers and sexual predators, which is pretty much just like she is on the outside.

Letterman also said that they are already making a movie about Paris in Jail. It's called the "Bird brain of Alcatraz."

CBS news is also reporting that Pairs did not have to go through the strip search or the cavity search. She did not have to "spread 'em."

But, isn't that where her talents lie? Isn't that just like the government? They put you in jail and then don't let you use your God given abilities.

Letterman said the only time she's said "That's hot!" is during the strip search.

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Paris Hilton Graffiti

Does this latest version of "Kilroy was here" graffiti promise to become more famous than the original World War II famous Graffiti? For those who never took a history lesson, "Kilroy was here" was a popular graffiti left at battle sites and prisoner of war jail cells during World War II.

Paris Hilton is probably one of the most famous prisoners in world history, although most famous prisoners were famous because they were imprisoned for a cause, such as South Africa's Nelson Mandela, who was imprisoned because of his anti-apartheid actions in South Africa. Paris, on the other hand, is the cause of her own imprisonment.

It is not easy for a 26-year-old billionaire heiress to land in jail. You have to do some pretty dumb things for someone that wealthy to lose your freedom--even if it is only for 45 days.

But Paris Hilton is living proof of that.

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Paris Hilton Mug Shot

Our favorite Parisian, Paris Hilton, has entered jail two days early to get a head start on her rehabilitation. The Los Angeles police released her mug shot, which is to the left.

I will have to admit that hers is probably the best mug shot I have ever seen. There is no doubt that Paris has what it takes in that regard.

Paris entered jail on Sunday, June 3rd, at 11:30 PM after working at the MTV TV movie awards on Sunday afternoon. She obviously was looking forward to her confinement and simply could not wait until June 5th.

The media have reported that Paris is being housed in the Los Angeles jail's special needs unit, which has reportedly angered some of the other prisoners. It seems that some of them think dear Paris is receiving special treatment.

Could it be possible that the government gives billionaire heiresses special treatment? Well, duh! How can anyone believe that money doesn't buy special treatment? This is America, after all, and money rules our world.

It is also said that Warner Bros, the company that handles her recording albums, has dropped her. She has also reportedly lost some revenue as a spokesperson for a sportswear company.

When it rains it pours.

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Surfer Dude Graffiti

Dude! That poor builder. Doesn't even get his building built and the "dudes" are already marking it up. That has to be frustrating, but I have heard that modern construction materials are now designed to make removing graffiti a lot easier.

Of course, that makes it that much more enticing to post graffiti jabs at our dear Paris Hilton. Speaking of the Parisian, she is due to report for her incarceration in short order. It was reported in the media that one of the paparazzi rented a room with a window overlooking the small window in the jail cell that Paris is scheduled to be assigned to. It is unclear whether there is any truth to the report, but it makes perfect sense.

A photo of the Paris inside her new habitat would probably fetch a very pretty penny from the tabloids. Now that the report has hit the wires, the authorities will probably transfer her to a different cell to frustrate the photogs.

You can be sure that if any photos surface, you will hear about them here.

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Britney Spears Road Construction

Ah! The peripatetic Britney Spears can't stay in any one place for very long. And she is always forgetting to finish dressing. She should keep an extra pair of panties in the glove box for emergencies such as this.

But, of course, where would the publicity be in that? No self-respecting paparazzo would waste film on a pair of panties, not when au naturel is a viable alternative. That candid photo of Brittney's nether region had to fetch at least six figures. I doubt that the Tabloids would even dish out two bits for a panty shot these days.

Of course, the Britney Spears, the Christina Aguileras and the Paris Hiltons of the world realize that skin is in. That is why they show so much of it--because sex sells, and sex makes for much bigger paydays. Although why a billionaire heiress like Paris needs a bigger payday is a bit of a mystery.

Poor Britney earns a mere $70-80 Million per year, and that must be very hard to get by on. Paris' illions, on the other hand begin with a b, not an m, which means that an extra million or two will not really make any significant difference to her.

For Paris, the thrill must be in the chase rather than the pay check, which must make her upcoming incarceration all the less bearable. It is difficult to chase anything when you are locked up 24/7.

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Is Paris Hilton Tough Enough for Jail?

Well, it is time we dumped a little more on poor Paris Hilton, the billionaire heiress who is scheduled to enter jail on June 5th to serve a 45 day sentence for driving her Bentley with a suspended license.

Of course, any young woman who is as pretty as Paris is had better be prepared for the rigors of the big house. She certainly wants to avoid a situation where she cannot take care of herself in a confrontation with one of the tougher inmates.

Along that line, we have been well assured that there is no truth to the rumor that Paris attempted to obtain shower fight tips from Martha Stewart, another well connected billionaire, who was forced to suffer the indignities of living among the more common folk on a federal government sponsored incarceration. Paris still has time to learn the basics of survival from a self-defense instructor before June 5th, but she better not dally.

If there is any truth to the rumors of what goes in one of those institutions, Paris could be in for a rough ride.

It has also been said that Paris sought permission to videotape her conjugal visits. Imagine what that would do to her bad girl image if those tapes surfaced on the Internet. Or imagine the price a couple of convicts could get if they taped having their way with Paris. That would draw a pretty penny on some of the tabloid shows. Something like that could bring in something in the six figure range, and it wouldn’t hurt Paris’ image much either. Headlines that scream “bad girl is treated In a very bad way by some ‘bad’ inmates.” It is even possible that Paris’s publicist dreamt this whole event up so that the bad Paris Hilton suddenly would seem like a victim at the hands of a more vicious group.

But, of course, Paris could be-friend one of the tougher guards in order to enlist the services of a protector of the weak. She could easily afford to change the lifestyle of someone who went out of his way to watch out for her. You can bet that some in the media have been trying to buy their way into getting some photos or videos of her life in the penitentiary. Paris will need guards on her side just to fight off the prison paparazzi, who may go to extraordinary lengths to get the photo shots that will sell for the big bucks.

Just think of the publicity that this situation might develop. On one side you have the photo hungry media that would devour and quickly blow out of proportion any photos that might emerge from Paris’ prison exploits. Paris’ publicity people must be prepared to spin anything that surfaces from this incarceration situation.

The next few weeks may be very interesting as each side prepares its lines of defense and offense.

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Paris Hilton Jokes

Paris Hilton:

In case you haven’t heard, a Los Angeles County judge has sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail for driving with a suspended license.

How will Paris Hilton mentally prepare for her upcoming jail term?

Here’s a guess:

“Well, 45 days isn’t so bad. That’s not even a month.”

--Thanks to David Letterman

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