Here we have a bunch of redneck folks going about their business in a rather fancy public restroom. It is clear that no one planned for the redneck moment that occurred, but they all readily joined in once that moment began.
None of the characters in our little drama display any outward signs of a redneck appearance; in fact, they all appear rather prosperous. But redneck is a mind set not a bank account. The redneck mind set does not depend upon how much money one has, because every one of us is capable of having a redneck moment--even Bill Gates.
It is our pleasure to present a raft of Irish drinking stories, Irish Blessings and Irish Proverbs. One of the special enjoyments of indulging in these Irish treasures is the absence of any hangover the morning after.
Doctor O’Dwyer, an Irish psychiatrist working at a New York mental asylum, planned to take some of his more well-adjusted patients to a New York Yankees baseball game. So, for a few weeks in advance, he coached them on their behavior and how they should respond to his commands while attending the game.
Once game day arrived, his patients appeared to be responding well to his orders. The national anthem began playing and the good doctor ordered, "Up Nuts," and his patients all promptly stood up.
When the anthem had finished, he yelled, "Down Nuts," and all of the patients immediately sat back down.
The home team hit a home run, so Doctor O’Dwyer yelled, "Cheer Nuts." The patients obediently applauded and cheered.
Then the umpire made a close call against Derek Jeter, a Yankees star player. So the doctor yelled, "Boo Nuts!" and his patients began booing.
The doctor was very pleased about how well things were going, so he decided to go to the men’s room leaving his medical assistant in charge.
But upon returning, the doctor found a riot, and his patients were in fist fights with the nearby fans. The doctor pushed his way through the fighters, found his assistant and asked, "Good Lord, man! What on earth happened?"
His assistant replied, "Everything was going just fine until a vendor walked by and yelled, "Peanuts!"
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An Irish blessing by E. Gary Brooks, a remarkable poet:
Take me home to Shamrock Hill The glorious place of my birth Where the glens are green and the heather grows, ‘Tis the prettiest place on earth. The wind blows free and the air is fresh And I still hear a rippling rill. My heart is sad, but it could be glad. Take me home to Shamrock Hill.
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A true Irishman can argue either side of a question, often at the same time.
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Paddy Harrington and Mick O’Shea were strolling home after a night of Guinness when a severed head suddenly rolled along the ground landing right at their feet.
Mick picked up the head and held it up to his face saying to Paddy, "Saints preserve us Paddy! But, doesn’t that look like Sean to you."
Paddy replied, "No Mick, Sean was taller than that, he was."
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May joy and peace surround you, Contentment latch your door, And happiness be with you now And bless you evermore.
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It was teacher appreciation day at Saint Mary’s school in County Cork, and Miss O’Hara, a kindergarten teacher sat at her desk receiving gifts from her students.
Tommy Flanagan, the florist's son, handed her his present. Miss O’Hara shook it and held it above her head saying, "I’ll bet I know what this is. It’s Flowers.”
"That's right!" Tommy said. "How did you know?"
“It was just a wild guess,” said Miss O‘Hara.
Molly Kane, the candy store owner's daughter, brought up her present next. Miss O’Hara held the gift aloft, shook it a bit and said, "I know what this is. It‘s a box of candy!”
“Wow! That's right, Miss O‘Hara! But how did you know?" asked Molly.
“Just a lucky guess, Molly” Miss O’Hara said.
Next was Billy Kelly, the liquor store owner's son. Billy presented a large box to Miss O’Hara, who, again, held the gift high over her head.
This gift was leaking, so Miss O’Hara dabbed a drop of the leakage on her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?” she asked.
“No, Miss O’Hara,” Billy replied.
The teacher tasted another drop of the leakage with her tongue. "Perhaps it’s champagne?" she asked.
“No, Miss O‘Hara,” Billy again replied, smiling because the teacher could not guess his present.
Then Miss O’Hara said, “I give up, Billy. What is it?”
Billy answered, “It’s a puppy!”
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May you be half an hour in Heaven Before the Devil knows you’re dead.
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And Have you forgotten that U2 is from Ireland? Now there is an accomplished band. Here is Beautiful Day by U2.
Yet even more of the best of the Elliot Spitzer jokes. In case you hide your head in the sand, Elliot Spitzer was thegovernor of New York until the FBI recently caught him in a prostitution sting operation.
Because there are so many good jokes to choose from, we are adding an unprecedented third post in a row on the foibles of one Elliot Spitzer, that lucky guy. This from Jay Leno:
"According to the FBI wiretap, they had the transcript, Gov. Spitzer was listed as Client No.9. No. 9? He's the governor, who were the eight guys in front of him? You'd think as governor, you'd at least get to go first."
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David Letterman's Top Ten Surprises at Elliot Spitzer's resignation:
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Also from David Letterman:
"In their investigation of the Eliot Spitzer scandal, law enforcement officials found that the Emperors Club escort service called Spitzer by the code name 'Client 9.' But according to the escorts who actually slept with him, he's more of a 'Client 4 1/2,' if you know what I'm saying."
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From Comedy Central and Jon Stewart and the Daily Show:
It's more of the best of the Elliot Spitzer jokes. In case you live on Jupiter, Elliot Spitzer was thegovernor of New York until he was recently caught in an FBI prostitution sting.
Our only problem is that there are so many good jokes to choose from. We consider that a challenge, so here are a few more Elliot Spitzer gems.
Aah! The Pretty Woman! A less than classic tale of a prostitute and a money monger with hearts of gold, which is a highly unlikely scenario. As I recall, Richard Gere and Julia Roberts live happily ever after in the movie, which, unfortunately for our Mr. Spitzer, is less than likely.
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This from Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert:
"I sat next to the guy three times and I didn't pick up on any of this, and I usually have excellent whore-dar."
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From Comedy Central's the Daily Show:
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There is so much truth to this cartoon. How many jokes do you hear about OJ Simpson or Paris Hilton right now? Not too many. Elliot Spitzer will fade into obscurity just like so many others once a new public patsy comes along.
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And you cannot have a proper representation of humor without the remarkably funny David Letterman. Here is a video of one of his recent monologues about the Elliot Spitzer affair:
New York's former governor, Elliot Spitzer, is the butt of countless new jokes. Here are a few of the better ones:
Jay Leno:
"Eliot Spitzer admitted publicly that he was involved in a prostitution ring, which means Hillary Clinton is now only the second angriest wife in the state of New York."
Speaking of angry wives, how about the body language on Silda Spitzer, the ex-governor's wife of the moment, in the photo below. In this case, one picture is worth at least 10,000 words:
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Here is more along the angry wife line of thought from the Arkansas Democrat Gazette:
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From New York comedienne Lisa Landry:
"It's just mind-blowing that he spent $4,300 on a hooker. It just shows how high the cost of living is in New York. That same hooker would cost $50 in Newark."
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David Letterman is probably my favorite comedian. Here is one of his recent monologues, which devotes almost the entire monologue to Elliot Spitzer:
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From Conan O'Brien:
"Gov. Spitzer responded just a few hours ago. He said, 'I violated my obligations to my family and I violated my sense of what is right and wrong.' Spitzer also admitted violating someone named Amber."
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Here is another one about body language from Daryl Cagle at MSNBC.com:
The New York City taxicab drivers must have negotiated a very lucrative contract after their strike last year because it is not often that you see a Ferrari being employed as a gypsy cab.
The real issue in the strike was GPS tracking of the taxicabs, but money is always a factor in any contract negotiations. However, any cabbie would have to drive a whole lot of hours each week no matter what rate he is charging in order to afford a ride like this Ferrari.
Perhaps this is another example of an eccentric billionaire wanting to add a little excitement to his life, ala New York City Mayor, Michael Bloomberg. The New York mayor certainly did not run for mayor of the big apple for the money.
The driver of this red hot Ferrari taxicab must enjoy something about the New York cabbie lifestyle to entice him to convert his very expensive Ferrari into a taxi. Perhaps it is the danger zone the cabbies work in.
Taxi drivers seem to be facing ever greater on the job dangers these days. Maybe this redneck is determined to live his life to the fullest, even if his life is cut short over it.
Well, at least there is economy of space involved here. We only have to write about one photo to cover both redneck ferraris and redneck taxicabs.
Our road construction redneck is an example of absolutely classic redneck thinking. Can’t you just envision the road construction foreman looking over his blueprints?
“My prints tell me to build this road right where that power line pole is, and that is where I am going to build it.”
Maybe the foreman is attempting to embarrass one of his supervisors at work. What ever the reason, this road construction snafu may very well result in someone getting the pink slip.
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The first video is classic redneck car wash material. The poor fellow driving the white sedan must have had one dreadful day after this car wash episode.
The second video is very entertaining. Who woulda thunk it? Redneck power windows on a pickup truck. I am impressed with this guy’s imagination.
McCafferty's Pub - a collection of video humor, jokes, funny stories, photos and anecdotes. Special sections are devoted to redneck humor, celebrity humor, grandchildren humor, humorous videos, barroom humor, clean men's room humor and a lot more. If nothing else, you will leave us a bit refreshed.
The good Lord created only two kinds of people in the world: those who are Irish and those who wish they were.
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