Register Your Vote to Fire or Not Fire Vanessa Hudgens

Should Disney fire Vanessa Hudgens and hire someone new for the filming of High School Musical 3? Register your vote in our totally unscientific poll.

To refresh your memory, Vanessa is that remarkably cute 19-year-old actor that starred along side Zac Efron in High School Musical 2, which is a huge hit on the Disney Channel. The tweens all seem to love it and anything else about HSM2.

Someone leaked photos of Vanessa in her completely natural state onto the Internet back in September. The photos were taken when she was 15 or 16-years-old, which would probably make them child pornography from a legal standpoint.

Since then, the tabloids, the Hollywood TV shows, and the tablogs or blogoids (blogs that gossip about Hollywood stars) have been constantly circulating and re-circulating rumors that Vanessa will be fired.

So far, Disney has stuck by her, but some Hollywood insiders insist that Vanessa getting canned is only a matter of time.

It is probably time that the public weigh in on the matter, so now you have a chance to cast your votes in our poll. You get to help decide Vanessa’s fate by voting in the sidebar column to the right. Results will be published on November 11th.


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Three of My Favorite Jokes

The Internet is full of jokes, but, unfortunately, many of them are not very funny. At McCafferty's, we try to publish only jokes and stories that we truly find funny. Here are three of my favorite jokes. I laughed out loud when I first heard them, so the chances are very good that you will like them too.

A pedestrian is walking past an insane asylum, and in the distance hears a bunch of the asylum inmates inside screaming at the top of their lungs, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!”

Intrigued, the pedestrian peeks through a hole in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and, suddenly, a finger pops out jabbing him right in the eye.

He screams in pain, and the inmates all start gleefully shouting, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”

*****

A woman gets on a bus carrying her baby in her arms. The bus driver takes one look and says to the woman: “Lady, that is the ugliest baby that I have ever seen.”

Enraged, the woman stomps to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a passenger seated next to her: “That driver just insulted me!”

The passenger says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

*****

This joke is in honor of all of the American soldiers fighting the war on terror:

A large group of Al Qaeda terrorists are traveling down an Iraqi road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune. "One American soldier is better than ten Al Qaeda."

The Al Qaeda commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the dune. Immediately a gun-battle breaks out, continues for a few minutes, and then only silence prevails.

The voice once again calls out this time saying "One American soldier is better than one hundred Al Qaeda."

The Al Qaeda commander angrily sends 100 of his best killers over the dune and again a huge gun fight ensues.

After 10 minutes of battle, again one hears only silence.

The American soldier’s voice calls out this time "One American soldier is better than one thousand Al Qaeda."

By now the Al Qaeda commander is totally enraged, so he musters 1000 fierce fighters and orders them over to the other side of the sand dune. Ak47 fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire all ring out as a terrific battle is fought.

But, eventually, once again there is just silence.

Soon one badly wounded Al Qaeda fighter crawls back over the dune to his commander, gripping the commander’s coat with his blood drenched hand the terrorist tells his commander in his dying words...

“Don't send any more men. It's a trap. There are two of them.”

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These Redneck Dogs Ain't Man's Best Friend

Aah! Redneck puppy dogs can be very unpredictable, which can make for a great video. In this clip you will find man’s best friend is up to no good on many an occasion. This one is rather short, sweet and worthwhile.



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Yet a Few More Irish Drinking Stories

There is nothing that will make you so popular as re-telling some of our Irish drinking stories:

Father O’Malley, an Irish priest, and Rabbi Levine are involved in a car accident. As they both exit their cars and wobble toward the side of the road. Rabbi Levine says, “Oy vey! What a wreck!”

Father O’Malley asks him, “Are you all right, Rabbi?”

Rabbi Levine replies, “Yes. I am just shaken a little is all.”

The father withdraws a flask of whiskey from his coat saying, "Here, Rabbi. Drink some of this. It will calm your nerves."

The Rabbi gratefully accepts the flask, drinking it down while saying, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"

“Well," Father O’Malley replies, "I don't know what you’re apt to be telling them. But I'll be telling them I wasn't the one drinking."

*****

As an Irish priest is driving into New York, he is stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then spies an empty wine bottle on the floor in the front seat of the car.

The trooper says, "Tell me, Father, have you been drinking?"

"Just a bit ‘o water," says the priest.

The trooper replies, "If that is true, then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

*****

Fogarty walked into a barroom, sat down at the bar and began ordering martini after martini. With each drink he would remove the olives and place them in a jar. Not until the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks were fully drunk, did the Irishman rise to leave.

"Excuse me," said the bartender, who was puzzled over what Fogarty had done. "Whatever was that all about?"

"Oh, nothing," said the Irishman. "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."

*****

An Old Irish Blessing:

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

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George Bush Dances the Can Can

George W Bush and his cronies have outdone themselves this time. No they haven’t redefined the word torture, nor have they invaded any more countries--not yet anyway. This time they are all starring in a Republican version of the Can Can.

George, of course, is the star. His partners are your favorite Vice President, Dick Cheney, Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice, Former White House advisor, Karl Rove, and conservative talk radio host, Rush Limbaugh.

You will have to admit that Rush Limbaugh is especially limber in this number, especially considering he does have chronic back pain issues. Condi has finally let her hair down and proves that she has what it takes to make it in the dancing world.

Dick Cheney, as usual, has an understated role that really seems to help carry the number. Karl Rove does very well working in the background. But our Mr. President is definitely the star of the show, and deservedly so.

George Bush can now rest assured that there will be life after he leaves the oval office. The entertainment community has a new rising star.

Have You seen Hillary Clinton star in The Chiquita?
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How Salma Hayek Got Her Breasts

Well, imagine that! Salma Hayek teaches us that there is yet one more use for holy water. It obviously pays to investigate the unknown. Can you imagine how Salma might look if she had not received quite as much assistance from the Good Lord in this department? Thank the Man upstairs for His divine intervention.

When God puts his hand into the mix, He obviously does not mess around. He gets the job done right. It is too bad that He did not have as much input when Britney Spears was in line to receive her behavior genes. Obviously, she was somewhat shortchanged in that area.


But, maybe it is not too late. What might happen if we follow the Brit around some night when she is out clubbing? We could mix a small dose of holy water into Britney’s vodka and tonic and see what develops.

Hmmm. Perhaps we should mix in a large dose? Because curing Britney’s behavior issues may prove to be quite a challenge, it would probably require a rather large dose. Maybe holy water comes in gallon jugs (sorry for the pun). While we’re at it, we better shoot for a keg or two.

On the other hand, if celestial inspiration can work such wonders in the arena of mammary enhancement, it stands to reason that it also may have some influence on the men’s side of the issue.

Then again, it is getting a bit late. It might be wise to leave penile enhancement for another time. Searching for an example of the Lord’s handiwork in this field leaves the patrons here at McCafferty’s Pub a little cold.

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Have You Tried Irish Viagra?

Ellen DeGeneres "Putz" Extraordinaire

Ellen DeGeneres is living proof that you do not need to be intelligent to have your own talk show. In case you do not watch the news, Ellen had a public meltdown on her talk show on Tuesday about a dog.

She was crying, even bawling, about how she and her hairdresser’s daughter were being punished because she violated the terms of her adoption agreement with a pet rescue shelter. Ellen gave the dog away to her hairdresser instead of returning the dog to the agency as she had promised and agreed to do if the adoption did not work out.

When the agency enforced the terms of the adoption agreement by removing the dog from its new home, Ellen did not hire an attorney to challenge the agreement that she had willingly signed. Instead she had the meltdown on her show taking up at least 10-15 minutes of the show complaining about how unfairly she was being treated.

The patrons of McCafferty’s Pub have decided to provide you with the video of Ellen’s dramatic tirade so you will be able to judge for yourself.

Instead of trying to work the problem out with the agency like the rest of us would be forced to do, Ellen tried to use the power of her show to force the pet agency to back down. She tried to publicly embarrass the owners of the agency.


What she accomplished, however, was a lot worse. The owners of the agency have been deluged with hate mail and even death threats. Ellen may very well have ruined the business of what is probably a charitable pet agency that was doing some good in its community.

Ellen either did not bother to think or did not care what her actions might do to the agency. All Ellen wanted was to get her way, and apparently she did not care who got hurt in the process.

Ellen gets McCafferty‘s putz of the month award for acting even worse than Britney Spears has been acting. All Britney has been doing is expose herself on occasion to America. Ellen "The Putz" DeGeneres seems to think that she can do whatever she wants because she is a celebrity, and deliberately may have ruined someone’s business simply because she could.

If it is good enough for Perez Hilton, writing on photos is good enough for us too. Boycott The Putz.

Redneck Public Toilet

Here is a common redneck prank that is pulled all of the time--a human head in a public toilet. I know it has happened to you because it certainly has happened to me. Even though you know it is coming, it is still funny every time.

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Redneck Hotel Maid

This video is proof positive that maybe you should not always trust all those folks that you take for granted.

For example, does your CPA pass your income tax return around at parties and make jokes about it? Did your doctor send your x-rays into Ripley’s Believe It or Not?

Perhaps your personal trainer makes jokes about you to his other clients.

The moral to this story might be: who else is using your toothbrush?

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Lethal Snake Bite?

Ah! Life in the Middle East. You never know when a killer snake may make an unannounced visit. Notice how quickly everyone moves when confronted with the possibility of almost certain death.



Of course, there is always one guy who behaves unpredictably. Is fainting an effective defense against a lethal snake bite? Unfortunately, the video ends before we know whether this guy survived.

Perhaps it was a cell phone video and the photographer ran out of memory in his camera. The snake appeared to be making its own quick exit when the video ended.

On a related note, the snake video incident might have been worse. One could have been bitten by a similar snake with two heads, which could mean twice the venom.

I know what you are thinking--that the photos are merely touched up to make it appear that it is a two-headed snake. The fact that there are two photos of the two-headed snake minimizes the possibility that the pics have merely been photoshopped. Doctoring two photos is almost twice as much work.

Plus, there are documented incidents of such reptiles in existence.


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Britney Spears Caught Pantyless Again October 2007

Well, believe it or don't, Britney Spears has been caught pantyless again by the paparazzi. Here are a couple of photos of Britney exiting her car and, at the same time, exposing her virginia for all to see.

This is at least the third time this year that she has been caught bottomless by the paparazzi. It is one thing for celebrity singers to pose nude for magazine layouts, but to be so frequently photographed with the family jewels on display out in public for anyone to see is unusual even for Britney.

Of course, the issue would be easily solved by Britney wearing panties. That way, the paparazzi would only be getting photos of Britney's underwear. But perhaps Britney has a need for the freedom that a bottomless lifestyle provides.


Since she continues to get caught au naturel, it would appear either that 1) she does not care, 2) she wants to photographed exposed, or 3) she is not bright enough to do what is necessary to keep from being caught pantyless.

It is also possible that her judgment is impaired from drug use or some mental disorder.

Her inability to rectify the situation has left her open to some of the worst ridicule. In fact, the patrons here at McCafferty's Pub are no strangers to dishing out some razzing themselves. But Britney's failure to adjust her bottomless lifestyle has made Britney, herself, her own worst enemy.

The common perception among the public is that drug impairment is the root of this evil, but it is hard to believe that Britney is high all of the time and still be able to function in society.

Could it be that Britney does not have the mental capacity to deal with this issue? Maybe she simply is not bright enough to handle the demands of being a celebrity?

So which is it Britney? Are you a Druggie or a dummy?

Something tells me she is not going to volunteer the answer.

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Un-Redneck Carpenter

This is one highly skilled carpenter, who is much too good to be classified as a redneck. Rednecks can only aspire to be this good at anything. If there were an Olympics category for carpentry, this worker would earn the gold medal.



Below is another tradesman who uses creativity to make up for his lack of hydraulic equipment. It may be a bit of a challenge to change the car's oil in this position, though. My guess is that this mechanic will not let that stop him.

And, don't you just love that sidewalk superintendent?


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A Few More Irish Drinking Stories and Blessings

When in doubt, opt for a few Irish drinking stories because they will cheer you up in no time.

O'Reilly's Missus:

O’Reilly had been out all night drinking at his favorite pub. As that time of night approached the bartender signaled last call saying the bar would soon be closing. So O’Reilly downed his last sip of Guinness and stood up to leave, but he quickly fell flat on his face.

He tried standing one more time, but, again, he met with the same result. He decided that he would crawl outside to get some fresh air thinking that might sober him up.

Once outside he stood up again, but once again he fell to the ground. So he decided he would crawl the 2 blocks to his home. Upon arriving at his front door he tried standing up once more, but he again dropped flat on his face. So, he crawled inside dragging his way into the bedroom.

After reaching his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he did manage to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell straight into bed and was asleep just as his head hit the pillow.

The next morning he awakened to his missus standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again, have you?"

"And what makes you say that?" O’Reilly asked, feigning an innocent look.

"Because the pub called,” his missus replied. “You forgot your wheelchair there again."

****

An Irish Blessing:

May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow
And may trouble avoid you wherever you go.

****

The Irish 007:

During the French Revolution in Paris, back in 1789, three accused spies from across the English Channel are waiting to be guillotined.

"Do you want to be beheaded on your back or on your front?" The executioner asked Smith, an Englishman. "On my back," said Smith. "I'm not afraid of death. I‘ll look him in the eye."

So the executioner tied Smith down on his back underneath the heavy blade. The executioner then reached up for the lever, and gave it a mighty tug. The blade quickly began to slide down the guillotine toward Smith’s waiting neck but just as quickly jammed in the middle of its track.

The captain of the guard approached Smith telling him it was his lucky day. He was reprieved because, under French law, no man can be sentenced to death twice.

White, another Englishman, was called next by the executioner. White also chose to face the blade, lying on his back. Once again the executioner’s sinewy arm reached for the lever, and once again the blade jammed in the middle of its slide.

The captain of the guard told White that he, too, had managed to cheat death for he also was reprieved.

Murphy, an Irishman, was third.

"Back or front?" shouted the executioner.

"If it's good enough for Smith and it’s good enough for White, then it's good enough for me," said Murphy.

And Murphy, too, was laid down on his back beneath the silver blade. "Begorra!" he shouted looking up at the blade. "Just a minute there. I think I see why it jams."

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Redneck Bathroom Break

This one is by Jamie Kennedy, and is absolutely classic. Do not miss this video.



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Dog Eared Monkey Business and Cat Nap

Talk about strange bedfellows. These two unlikely pals reside in Goangdong Province, China, and have been virtually inseparable since the pigeon pretty much adopted the macaque monkey when he was only 12 weeks old. It seems that the macaque was abandoned by his mum, who preferred to party the night away rather than care for her babies. (Are you paying attention Britney?)

After he was abandoned, the monkey was near death. He was taken to an animal hospital and nursed back to physical health. However, from an emotional standpoint, he had little spirit, was clearly depressed and displayed little love for life.

Then the pigeon took the monkey under its wing, showing him the kind of love and affection that is ordinarily expressed only from a devoted parent to its offspring. The result is the loving relationship that clearly shines through in this photo.

Don’t you just love a happy ending?

Of course, it is rumored that the abandoning mother, who reportedly hates all things that end well, has hired an attorney and is now seeking to regain custody of her baby.

There is a rather familiar ring to this story, isn’t there? I wonder if the pigeon’s name is Kevin?



The dog eared photo needs little explanation. Looks like another tough guy throwing her weight around. That’s right! The tough looking German is a female.

Maybe that will teach you not to stereotype.



Hey! That looks like me on a Sunday afternoon.

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Jeff Foxworthy - Redneck Stomp

Jeff Foxworthy is king of the redneck jokes. Nobody else even comes in a close second place. Here is Jeff’s video "Redneck Stomp." It is a classic.



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How to Recruit a Suicide Bomber

Did you ever stop to think how Al Qaeda and other terrorist organizations recruited their suicide bombers? It's not like you can promise them a liberal retirement plan.

Well, we have managed to gather the inside dope and present it for you right here.




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Creative Redneck Transportation

The redneck version of anything is always special, to say the least. First, we have a truly redneck designed and hand crafted Hog, or motorcycle for the less than hip folks in the audience. The mechanic's love for his machine clearly shows through in the workmanship. The guy even added a headlight and horn to this homemade version of "Harley Heaven."

Although it may not be street legal, you cannot truthfully say it is not special.

****

The following video highlights a redneck version of the bicycle built for...umm...two...I think. This transportation is clearly designed for the couple who are clearly saddled with opposing viewpoints.

The rider in the rear...er...rather, the rider to the right decidedly retains the privilege of viewing life from the certitude of hindsight. What's done is done. There is little open to conjecture from his point of view.

The rider to the left, however, is constantly faced with hypothesis and curiosity. What, oh what, lies beyond the next turn? One can only speculate. This machine is proof that perspective is everything.



Next is the redneck lawnmower. Now this is a machine for the weekend lawn jockey in all of us. This grass cutter adds a little panache and flair to what is usually a rather dull chore.

Leave it to the creativity of the redneck mind to tackle lawn work from such a unique perspective.


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Drinking Stories, Proverbs and Blessings of Ireland

Here is a favorite Irish saying:

There are many good reasons for drinking,
One has just entered my head.
If a man doesn't drink when he's living,
How the hell can he drink when he's dead?

And another Irish drinking tale - This one is about wishing for a long life:

Three tipsy Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Michael, had left the pub rather late one night and found themselves on the road leading past the old graveyard.

"Come here and have a look," says Paddy, "‘Tis Thomas Harrington's grave, it ‘tis. And may God rest his soul. The good man lived to the ripe old age of 87. Good blood, those Harringtons!"

"Ah! That's nothing," says Sean. "Here's one ‘twas named Patrick O'Grady. It says that he was 95 when he passed. Now, the O'Gradys! They’re a hardy bunch, they are!"

Just then, Michael shouts, "Forget him, here's one fella that lived to be 145 years old!"

“145! No way!” Yells Paddy.

"And, what was his name?" asks Sean.

Michael stumbles around in the dark a bit and awkwardly lights a match, trying to see what else is written on the stone marker. Finally he exclaims, "Miles..."

"Miles who?" asks Paddy.

"To Dublin!"

Irish Proverb:

The Irish ignore anything they cannot drink or punch.

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Why did Britney Spears Lose Her Kids?

Why did Britney Spears lose her kids?

In case you have not heard, Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon ruled on Monday that Britney must turn custody of her two children, Sean and Jayden, over to her ex-husband, Kevin Federline.

The reason why Britney lost her kids is hardly earth shaking. She lost them because she did not obey the judge's orders.

In previous court appearances, Britney was ordered to obtain a valid California drivers license and to be tested randomly for drug and alcohol use.

Britney knew about the court orders, and her lawyer knew about the orders. In fact, most of the general public knew about the court orders because they were so widely reported in the media.

Yet Britney showed up in court on Monday untested and without a license.

The court Commissioner had no choice. He had to show Britney that he is the boss--what he says goes.

So he awarded full custody of the two kids to Kevin.

Guess what Britney did right after her court session? She applied for a California drivers license.

Well, at least she is learning. It appears that losing her kids has made some impact on the singer.













She is also learning how to exit an automobile. The above photo on the left is the notorious shot of Britney leaving an automobile while not wearing any undies. The next photo is Britney exiting her car on Monday.

Notice the difference?

It appears that the Brit is not quite as dumb as she appears to be because she has at least learned how to cover herself up.

But if it takes Britney this long to learn such basic rules of life, she is going to be learning many of life's lessons the hard way.

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Ordinary Birds Turn Violent

You had better watch out, because these birds can turn on you at a moment's notice. I have never liked geese that much anyway compared to most other birds.



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Sneak Thief Caught in the Act

Where oh where did a mother go wrong? This Scottish youngster is filmed in the act of pilfering just to put food in his mouth.

If only he had gotten an education! Then he might not have to resort to such a devious means of making ends meet. It just makes a mother want to cry to see a life such as this wasted.

Notice how quickly the thief turns to flight when confronted with his dastardly deed.



The second video shows an equally resourceful gent from Japan who has also developed an ingenious method of putting his food on the table, so to speak. His main worry is where the rubber meets the road.

If he tarries a tad too long to digest his meal, his worries are indeed over.



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Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron Still Together

The tablogs (tabloid type blogs) have persisted in circulating rumors that Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron, the Disney stars of "High School Musical 2," are splitting up.

VanZac have been systematically denying and countering the rumors by trying to appear in public on occasion, but the tablogs have been relentless.

VanZac deliberately posed for the paparazzi while stopping for gas this weekend. Because the tablogs were basing their rumors on previous photos in which the couple were more frowns than smiles, the two were definitely all smiles this weekend.













They definitely look happy to be together plus they have been denying the rumors of being in splitsville. This will undoubtedly not stop the tablogs, however. It seems that this miniature version of the real media will continue to make up their own stories just to draw readers.

While the patrons of McCafferty's Pub do not have any inside information, we refuse to publish anything that we know to be untrue. We also do not publish any x-rated photos of Vanessa.

Those photos are out there on the Net to be found if you want to find them, but, since Vanessa was around 15 or 16 years old when they were taken, doesn't that classify them as child pornography?

In any event, VanZac have managed this un-scandal admirably. All the publicists for the Paris Hiltons and the Britney Spears of the world should take note.

This is how you handle an abusive media that will not let up.

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