Monday, April 7, 2008

That Man Ain't No Marlon Brando - Beware the Penguins!

Friends, I am here today to warn you of an impending disaster that is of such a perilous nature that no similar calamity has ever before seen the light of day. I am talking about a man-made catastrophe so dire and so dastardly that I shudder even to think of the pernicious consequences should this misdeed ever come to pass.

Folks, if you please, cast your gaze upon the first photograph in today’s post. Compare that, please, to the second photo. At first glance you might be fooled into thinking that the two photos are one and the same.

The photos are allegedly taken from a scene in the movie, The Godfather. In the background, you will notice one Sonny Corleone, played by actor James Caan. To the left is Bonasera, played by Salvatore Corsitto. To the right is supposed to be Vito Corleone, played by the great Marlon Brando.

However, the man in the first photo is no Marlon Brando!

Our third photo is a very short video of the same exact scene in the movie. Notice how the godfather’s gestures are the same classic moves that you see throughout the movie. That is Marlon Brando in the short film clip; of that, there is no doubt.

The Godfather

The man masquerading as Marlon Brando in the first photo is, in reality, a penguin! This woeful bird has infiltrated the ranks of Hollywood’s famous actors. And he is not alone.

Peruse, if you will, the fourth photograph and you will find one Penguin from the movie, Batman Returns. The Penguin in this film is played by actor Danny DeVito. Did you catch the similarity in names? Danny DeVito and Vito Corleone? That similarity is no coincidence.

Now compare the next photo, which juxtaposes the profiles of the Penguin from Batman Returns and the imposter Marlon Brando in the first photo. Notice the similarities?

Clearly, the actor in the first photo is also a penguin.

Ladies and gentlemen, the penguins are infiltrating the Hollywood movie industry at an alarming rate.

But, why you ask. Why would the penguins want to sneak into the film industry? What could be their motive?

To learn the answer to that, you must watch the short video. This video is a previously unreleased film taken from one of the United States’ secret spy satellites that fly high overhead, constantly circling the globe. These satellites are America’s watch dogs in the sky, and until now, this film has been classified “Top Secret.”.

The US Department of Homeland Security has declassified and released this short film to warn the American public of an imminent threat against our way of life. Please watch the short video now.

The video exposes an enormous gathering of Antarctic penguins in a joyous celebration of some sort. Now that you have seen the video, you know. The penguins are really Al Qaeda in disguise.

Al Qaeda has infiltrated the penguins, who have in turn penetrated the movie industry. The motive is obvious. Al Qaeda wants to steal the minds of America’s children by saturating the film industry with their saboteurs.

They have chosen penguins because penguins are so cute.

But, the last photo shows the true character of Al Qaeda in action. Clearly, their character is so anti-social that they must constantly fight--even among themselves, if that is the only adversary that they have to fight.

Redneck Penguins

In the same manner that Al Qaeda steals the minds of Islamic youth throughout the madrasas of the Middle East in hopes of turning innocent children into suicide bombers, Al Qaeda now intends to brainwash America’s children.

By surreptitiously embedding their fanatical beliefs into the minds of America’s children through films, Al Qaeda aspires to turn our own children against us.

Al Qaeda believes that they can eventually take over America by stealing the minds of our youth at an early age. It is a menacing plot of the most drastic proportions.

We must stop this potentially devastating plan by protecting our children at all costs.

My friends, the time for action has come. We must not pause, and we must not falter because the fate of our children hangs in the balance.

Praise the Lord, pass the ammunition and beware of the penguins!

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