Sunday, August 26, 2007

Headless Redneck Businessman

This redneck has obviously lost his head, and he does not appear to be handling it all that well. Unfortunately, some folks’ personalities simply do not shine during a crisis.

“Hey mister! Have you seen my head anywhere around here? It was here just a minute ago. No, it‘s not in there.”

Mr. Businessman, did you know that it was Rudyard Kipling who said: “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you.”

Mister redneck obviously has not read Kipling because he has already lost his head, and, although there is no indication on where he is placing the blame, an educated guess says it is being placed on someone other than himself.

And…yes, he does appear to be rather affected by it all. Does the word frantic come to mind?

“Well, it just has to be here somewhere?”

Here‘s a thought. Let us try to be logical about this. Where were you when you last saw your head? Perhaps we can retrace your steps.

“I had it when I left home this morning. The Missus and I were having an argument. She is ready to have a baby, because it seems that her biological clock is ticking. I think that is what set it all off.”

Now we are getting somewhere. You say that the missus’ clock is ticking? That sheds a new light on the situation. Nary a man dead or alive was ever capable of keeping his head when the better half had a ticking clock. Like it or not, her hormones will take over the relationship, and the male has not a chance.

Your choice is simple, dear sir. Your mistake was to think that your headless existence was a result of a physical malady. The reality is that it is completely psychological. Your life as a family man is about to be changed forever by the tick-tock of your wife’s hormones. The longer that you fight that ticking, the more exasperating your miserable existence will be.

However, the cure is simple. You either succumb to your other half’s wishes or your head will be lost to you forever. No man can compete when female hormones are out of control. Agree to have the baby or face a future of headless frustration.

But it could be worse. You could be missing more essential parts of your anatomy.

But do not fret. That will come after the baby does.

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Anonymous said...

Yet another danger of the commercial building boom of the 1990's. You bend over to tie your shoe, and BAM- they put up a building on you.

McCafferty Himself said...

Frogster, I have seen that done with houses of people who would not sell their home to developers, but this is the first time I have seen it happen to a person.