Irish Jokes, Drinking Stories, Blessings, Limericks, Proverbs - Video

Happy Fourth of July

It's time again for my favorite type of post here on McCafferty's Pub, Irish jokes, drinking stories, blessings, limericks and proverbs. These posts are always more work, but they are also more rewarding and fulfilling. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Muldoon and Willy

Sean Muldoon loved his dog, Willy, and he walked the dog constantly through town. When Muldoon and Willy would go on their walks, they would stop to talk to just about everyone they met along the way. Naturally, everyone in town eventually knew both Muldoon and Willy. This went on for years.

One sad day Ol’ Sean Muldoon went on his usual walk, but this time he walked all alone without Willy. Patrick O’Halloran was the first to spy Ol’ Sean without his faithful companion. “Where’s Willy?” Asked O’Halloran.

“‘Tis a sad day ‘tis, Patrick,” replied Muldoon. “I had to put poor ol’ Willy down, I did. I loved that dog dearly.”

“Oh no,” cried O’Halloran, “Did he go rabid? Was he mad?”

“Well, he was none too pleased,” said Muldoon.

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A brief flash of Irish Philosophy we call Seamusisms:

I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!

You three are a right pair if ever I saw one!

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About Freedom 

Since the Fourth of July holiday was approaching, Ms Kathleen O’Hara, a pre-school teacher, decided to teach her kids about patriotism. "We all live in a great country," Ms O’Hara said.

"One of the things we should all feel good about is that, in America, everyone of us is free."

One small boy approached Ms O’Hara from the back of the room, and Kathleen could clearly see that he was upset. He stood in front of Ms O’Hara with his hands on his hips and said, "Miss O’Hara, I'm not free. I'm four."

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Irish Blessings

May you have only pleasant hours
To melt your cares away,
And the warmth of Irish laughter
To bring gladness to each day.

May your heart be light and happy
May your smile be big and wide
And may your pockets always have
A tinkle of gold inside.

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Irish vs British

Years ago when Northern Ireland endured so much violence in Belfast and the anti English sentiment stirred such passion among the Catholics, Father Sheehan was an avowed anti British pastor, who would denounce the Brits every Sunday from his pulpit. His sermons became so notorious that Father Sheehan was summoned before Bishop Flanagan for a dressing down.

"Father," began Bishop Flanagan, "You know that the Church seeks peace between Northern Ireland and the British, but your sermons are having the opposite effect and are stirring up violence instead. I want you to promise me and to swear by all that is holy that you will never mention the British in your sermons or in public again."

"But Bishop, I cannot…" stammered Father Sheehan.

"No buts," demanded the Bishop. "You can and you will. Now Swear to me at this very moment or you will feel my wrath!"

"Alright, Bishop Flanagan," Father Sheehan replied grudgingly. "Alright. I swear by all that is holy."

The following Sunday found Father Sheehan back in his pulpit in Belfast, preaching.

The sermon concerned the Last Supper when Jesus was telling his disciples, "And one of you shall betray Me."

Father Sheehan remarked: "First one disciple says to Jesus, 'Is it I Lord?' and Jesus replies, 'No, it's not you.’”

Next Father Sheehan said that “a second disciple rises and cries, 'Is it I Lord?' And Christ says, 'No, it's not you.’”

Finally Father Sheehan described Judas Iscariot’s actions, “Then the conniving, lowly Judas Iscariot rises to his feet. The dog looks the Lord in the eyes, while saying, 'Blimey, Mate. Ya think it's me?’"

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More Seamusisms:

How come every time you dial a wrong number it’s never busy?

Catherine asked, “Hello, Molly. How are your new false teeth?” Molly replied, “I’m leaving them out till I get used to them.”

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By E. Gary Brooks

Whenever I dream, it seems I dream
Of Erin’s rolling hills
Of all its lovely, shimmery lakes
And little babbling rills.
I hear a colleen’s lilting laugh
Across a meadow fair
And in my dreams it almost seems
To me that I am there.
O Ireland! O Ireland!
We’re never far apart
For you and all your beauty
Fill my mind and touch my heart.

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The Amazing Celtic Woman - The Soft Goodbye, sung by Lisa Kelly, Chloe Agnew, and Méav Ní Mhaolchatha:



More Irish Blessings, Drinking Stories, Jokes, Limericks, Proverbs

Tall Tales of Irish Drinking Stories, Blessings and Proverbs

It is that time once again where we post some of the finest drinking stories from ol' Erin itself. We have also added a few Irish blessings, and where would we be without an Irish proverb or two? So grab yourself a pint of Guinness and sit back ready to be treated to some of Ireland's best. You know that Guinness is brewed at St. James' gate in ol' Dublin. Now that is a no lose proposition in itself, it is.

Old man Fogarty arrives home several hours past closing time, and he is still feeling the effects of a long night of imbibing, he is. As he stumbles through his front door who does he meet, but none other than Missus Fogarty, herself. And Missus Fogarty is none too pleased with the condition of Mister Fogarty, don‘t you know.

"Aw, well look at this, now!” says the missus. “Mister Fogarty Himself has finally decided to grace us with his presence, he has.”

“Well, I…” begins Fogarty. But Missus Fogarty quickly interrupts.

“Michael Fogarty! Don’t you give me any of your lame excuses! At what Irish pub have you been wasting away all of my hard earned wages this time?” demands Missus Fogarty.

"At this beautiful new establishment, my love," replies Fogarty. "It is called The Golden Pub. Everything there is golden, everything, I tell you.”

"Don’t you ‘My Love’ me Michael Fogarty. And don’t you be tellin’ me one of your tall tales. You know there is no such place as the Golden Pub. The Good Lord will punish you for telling’ such lies, He will."

But Fogarty insists, "Sure, but there is such a place, Missus Fogarty! It has huge golden doors, an’ a golden floor, an’ a golden foot rail at the bar. Pray that the Good Lord will strike me down where I stand if I’m a lyin’. Missus Fogarty, even the urinal is gold!"

But Missus Fogarty does not believe ol’ Fogarty’s story and says, “Don’t you be takin’ the Good Lord’s name in vain Michael Fogarty. Golden Pub, indeed! Off to bed with ya’ now. Go sleep it off!”

But the very next mornin’ finds Missus Fogarty poring through the phone book, searching for a saloon called The Golden Pub. Sure enough, she finds a bar far across Dublin with the same name.

Missus dials the number listed to check on ol’ Fogarty’s story. "Is this the Golden Pub?" she asks as the bartender answers the phone.

"It is," replies the bartender.

"An’ do you have huge golden doors?" asks Missus Fogarty.

"But of course we do, Missus," answers the bartender.

"Do you have golden floors too?"

"That we do, missus."

“An’ a golden foot rail at the bar?” queries Missus Fogarty.

“Yes, ma’am. We have that too.”

"What about golden urinals?"

Then there is a long pause…after which Missus Fogarty hears the bartender yelling in the background, "Hey, O‘Hara, I think I just got a lead on who took a leak in your saxophone!"

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May the Road Rise to Meet You...

Do you know that it recently came to our attention that we have not published one of Ireland's oldest and most famous blessings. Of course we could not let such a glaring omission continue any longer. Thanks to an oral tradition of passing down Irish blessings, now several versions of this famous blessing pass the lips of many an Irish clan. The original author is unknown. Without further ado, we offer our favorite version:

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rains fall soft upon your fields
And, until we meet again,
May God rest you in the palm of His hand.

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May You Have these Blessings...

May You Have these Blessings...
Good Health to make life enjoyable
Good fortune to make it bright
And lots of happiness always
With everything going just right.

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A True Irishman gets married for life, but not necessarily for love.

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Thomas Flanagan was trying to learn the game of golf and having just a stinking time of it. "I would give nearly anything to get this game right, I would!" Thomas loudly exclaimed in exasperation.

Suddenly Satan himself appeared out of thin air and asked Thomas, "Anything?"

Of course, Thomas was quite surprised to find the Devil, himself, speaking to him. "Well…I guess, short of selling my soul, yes I would," replied Thomas.

So Satan offered, "How about giving up sex for the remainder of your life?"

Thomas was quite taken aback by the offer, but he gave a wide grin as he quickly accepted the devil‘s offer. "Done!" he said.

Thomas finished his round of golf in remarkably good form, so the rumor of his deal with Satan rapidly spread throughout the course clubhouse. Timothy O’Shea was one of the club’s members, but he was also a news reporter who smelled a story in the making.

Back in the clubhouse O’Shea asked Thomas, "Sir, there is a rumor going around the clubhouse that you made a deal with the Devil, himself, to become a truly great golfer. Is there any truth to that rumor?"

"Yes sir! It is true enough, it is," answered Thomas. “And it was a wise bargain on my part, for I just completed a nearly perfect round of golf, I did.”

"And is it also true that you gave up sex for the rest of your life as your part of the agreement?" asked O’Shea.

"Again your are right, sir. True again!" replied Thomas Flanagan.

"And may I get your name, sir, for my story?" asked the reporter.

"But of course. It’s Flanagan. Father Thomas Flanagan."

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An Irishman considers a bore to be someone who keeps constantly interrupting.

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May your blessings outnumber
The Shamrocks that grow
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.

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A Blessing For You and Yours...

May the grace of God’s protection
And His great love abide
Within your home-within the hearts
Of all who dwell inside.

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Today's video is in YouTube's new widescreen HD format and features the remarkable Lisa Kelly with the equally remarkable Celtic Woman singing "May It Be."



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