It's time again for my favorite type of post here on McCafferty's Pub, Irish jokes, drinking stories, blessings, limericks and proverbs. These posts are always more work, but they are also more rewarding and fulfilling. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Muldoon and Willy
Sean Muldoon loved his dog, Willy, and he walked the dog constantly through town. When Muldoon and Willy would go on their walks, they would stop to talk to just about everyone they met along the way. Naturally, everyone in town eventually knew both Muldoon and Willy. This went on for years.
One sad day Ol’ Sean Muldoon went on his usual walk, but this time he walked all alone without Willy. Patrick O’Halloran was the first to spy Ol’ Sean without his faithful companion. “Where’s Willy?” Asked O’Halloran.
“‘Tis a sad day ‘tis, Patrick,” replied Muldoon. “I had to put poor ol’ Willy down, I did. I loved that dog dearly.”
“Oh no,” cried O’Halloran, “Did he go rabid? Was he mad?”
“Well, he was none too pleased,” said Muldoon.
A brief flash of Irish Philosophy we call Seamusisms:
I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!
Since the Fourth of July holiday was approaching, Ms Kathleen O’Hara, a pre-school teacher, decided to teach her kids about patriotism. "We all live in a great country," Ms O’Hara said.
"One of the things we should all feel good about is that, in America, everyone of us is free."
One small boy approached Ms O’Hara from the back of the room, and Kathleen could clearly see that he was upset. He stood in front of Ms O’Hara with his hands on his hips and said, "Miss O’Hara, I'm not free. I'm four."
May you have only pleasant hours
To melt your cares away,
And the warmth of Irish laughter
To bring gladness to each day.
May your smile be big and wide
And may your pockets always have
A tinkle of gold inside.
Irish vs British
Years ago when Northern Ireland endured so much violence in Belfast and the anti English sentiment stirred such passion among the Catholics, Father Sheehan was an avowed anti British pastor, who would denounce the Brits every Sunday from his pulpit. His sermons became so notorious that Father Sheehan was summoned before Bishop Flanagan for a dressing down.
"Father," began Bishop Flanagan, "You know that the Church seeks peace between Northern Ireland and the British, but your sermons are having the opposite effect and are stirring up violence instead. I want you to promise me and to swear by all that is holy that you will never mention the British in your sermons or in public again."
"But Bishop, I cannot…" stammered Father Sheehan.
"No buts," demanded the Bishop. "You can and you will. Now Swear to me at this very moment or you will feel my wrath!"
"Alright, Bishop Flanagan," Father Sheehan replied grudgingly. "Alright. I swear by all that is holy."
The following Sunday found Father Sheehan back in his pulpit in Belfast, preaching.
The sermon concerned the Last Supper when Jesus was telling his disciples, "And one of you shall betray Me."
Father Sheehan remarked: "First one disciple says to Jesus, 'Is it I Lord?' and Jesus replies, 'No, it's not you.’”
Next Father Sheehan said that “a second disciple rises and cries, 'Is it I Lord?' And Christ says, 'No, it's not you.’”
Finally Father Sheehan described Judas Iscariot’s actions, “Then the conniving, lowly Judas Iscariot rises to his feet. The dog looks the Lord in the eyes, while saying, 'Blimey, Mate. Ya think it's me?’"
How come every time you dial a wrong number it’s never busy?
By E. Gary Brooks
Of Erin’s rolling hills
Of all its lovely, shimmery lakes
And little babbling rills.
I hear a colleen’s lilting laugh
Across a meadow fair
And in my dreams it almost seems
To me that I am there.
O Ireland! O Ireland!
We’re never far apart
For you and all your beauty
Fill my mind and touch my heart.
The Amazing Celtic Woman - The Soft Goodbye, sung by Lisa Kelly, Chloe Agnew, and Méav Ní Mhaolchatha:
More Irish Blessings, Drinking Stories, Jokes, Limericks, Proverbs